BustedUpInside Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I just can't seem to get any better. When my ex dumped me about 4 months ago, I was so devastated. Then I moved to a different state and started to get myself together. We have been slowly disentangling our shared things (cell phone contracts, shared bills, shared accounts) with very limited contact. Once we break this last thing we will have no reason to stay in touch ever again. This thought is sooo scary to me. For the past week it seems like he is all I think about. From the moment I wake up to the time when i go to bed, it seems like he is constantly on my mind. I try to do things I like; I participate in hobbies, chores, exercise, and try to hang out with friends, but he is like a ghost hanging over my shoulder, interrupting all my happiness with the thought that someday soon he can forget me and never think about me again. I am sure that I don't plague his mind like he does mine. After all, he ended the relationship so he must have been at least somewhat ready to leave me behind. I just wish that I could forget I ever met him, forget all the memories, good and bad....just everything. I don't care if this relationship taught me lessons or "helped me become the person I am now." I just want to extract all memories of him and just go on with my life as if I had spent the last six years as a single person.
Smokemirrors Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) I just can't seem to get any better. When my ex dumped me about 4 months ago, I was so devastated. Then I moved to a different state and started to get myself together. We have been slowly disentangling our shared things (cell phone contracts, shared bills, shared accounts) with very limited contact. Once we break this last thing we will have no reason to stay in touch ever again. This thought is sooo scary to me. For the past week it seems like he is all I think about. From the moment I wake up to the time when i go to bed, it seems like he is constantly on my mind. I try to do things I like; I participate in hobbies, chores, exercise, and try to hang out with friends, but he is like a ghost hanging over my shoulder, interrupting all my happiness with the thought that someday soon he can forget me and never think about me again. I am sure that I don't plague his mind like he does mine. After all, he ended the relationship so he must have been at least somewhat ready to leave me behind. I just wish that I could forget I ever met him, forget all the memories, good and bad....just everything. I don't care if this relationship taught me lessons or "helped me become the person I am now." I just want to extract all memories of him and just go on with my life as if I had spent the last six years as a single person. I'm sorry but that last line struck a cord in me. You CANNOT regret six years of your life. Regret moments but certainly not six years. You need tough love to be forced out of your slump. WAKE UP DARLING! You're awake now and only now. As much as you would like to you CANNOT change the past. The past has happened and wasting any more time there will mean you miss you present and your future. You have control over the whole situation. It's scary but you do. You have the control to not allow the past defeat you. You and only you can control it. Look it in the face and laugh at it. I am really, sit in a room and laugh at it. You're scared he's going to forget about you? Ok, but that really shouldn't bother you. It's illogical as you are no longer an item. You will forget about him. This is life and are stories are being written as we speak. Now be proactive in life. Like you are living a real life movie and you're the hero. Be the hero and stop blaming others for misfortunes. Take responsibility and help others. It feels good. Then know in comfort, that your future will take shape just nicely. And you'll be happy. But first wake up, be proactive and be a hero Edited May 7, 2013 by Smokemirrors 1
Author BustedUpInside Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I don't regret the last six years. I was just saying that I would be happier if I could have localized amnesia regarding my relationship. I have been doing ok, but this last week has been really difficult and I am not excited at the prospect of having a major setback in my recovery. I am tired of remembering and thinking about my ex and so would like to leave those memories behind. I still want all the other memories of school, friends, work, my animals, just fun events in general...........just not him.
Smokemirrors Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Setbacks are common. But be strong and you'll be just fine 1
Author BustedUpInside Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 It's true, I am much better. This post was the ranting of a bad day and a low point. However, I still firmly believe that if I were able to just erase the memories of our relationship (maybe just the ones from the very beginning when it was so awesome) I would be really really tempted to just get rid of them.
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