Treasa Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 How do you know what most women want? you know what YOU want. Ive hit on more women then you im guessing so im more qualified to know what a large group of women prefer when being hit on lol I'm willing to bet you're wrong about the bolded. I'm also willing to bet that you don't know the actual consequences of being a woman, as you've never been one. Unless there's something I don't know about you....
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 How do you know what most women want? you know what YOU want. Ive hit on more women then you im guessing so im more qualified to know what a large group of women prefer when being hit on lol You're both right in a way,xxoo and tressa are speaking for themselves that doesnt mean all women respond positively to it and are turned on by the same type of approaches . And just because you did it and got rejected doesnt mean that women didnt want heavy flitring right away she just didnt want it from you,if you heavy flirt ealry on with a women who isnt attracted to you shell think its creepy. I agree with you on the friend thing id never flirt even playfully with my friends wives its disrespectful imo.
sillyanswer Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Consider this. The primary location I meet and talk to girls is (was) in my salsa class. There is approximately 5-10 minutes that I can talk to people before and after class. There is a large number of attractive girls in the class. Consider this. You have an excuse for everything. I'm sorry you don't find my suggestions useful. 5
PJKino Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I'm willing to bet you're wrong about the bolded. I'm also willing to bet that you don't know the actual consequences of being a woman, as you've never been one. Unless there's something I don't know about you.... I never said i knew the consequences of being a women stop putting words in my mouth i said being a women doesnt mean you know how all or even the majority of women respond to or like in terms of flirting you know what you respond to. Of course some women here are rah rah about men flriting becasue its an ego boost for them while men who do it if were not good looking enough or dont do it in the right way we can be called a creep or slapped by her or if she has a boyfriend theyres repricussions its not as simple as just being overly sexual flirt and relax.
Treasa Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I dont think she undestands from a womens perspective that as a man that thin line can get you punched in the face:laugh: a women doesnt face the same consequences Thank you for enlightening us on what women experience and face as consequences. Also, thank you for the laugh today.
PJKino Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) Thank you for enlightening us on what women experience and face as consequences. Also, thank you for the laugh today. Once again i talked about women not understanding mens cosnequences when flriting i never brought up knowing what women face the hell are you talking about talk about strawman argument:laugh: WHen i said a women doesnt face the same consequences i meant from a guy flirting standpoint im aware of the possible physical danger women can be in Edited May 10, 2013 by PJKino
xxoo Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 First of all, there is a huge, thick line between flirting and "hitting on". My H would be pissed if one of his friends hit on me (made it clear that he was offering to sleep with me). Flirting happens all the time. I show up in a dress, and his friend whistles. No big deal. But I was talking about single people. You are single, and among single women (or women who have not demonstrated themselves to be taken), so you have NO reason not to flirt! She may roll her eyes, so what? Getting a harsh eye roll is better than being treated like a girlfriend. 1
Treasa Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Once again i talked about women not understanding mens cosnequences when flriting i never brought up knowing what women face the hell are you talking about talk about strawman argument:laugh: WHen i said a women doesnt face the same consequences i meant from a guy flirting standpoint im aware of the possible physical danger women can be in Yes. A woman has never flirted with another woman's boyfriend and gotten her ass kicked for it.
PJKino Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 First of all, there is a huge, thick line between flirting and "hitting on". My H would be pissed if one of his friends hit on me (made it clear that he was offering to sleep with me). Flirting happens all the time. I show up in a dress, and his friend whistles. No big deal. But I was talking about single people. You are single, and among single women (or women who have not demonstrated themselves to be taken), so you have NO reason not to flirt! She may roll her eyes, so what? Getting a harsh eye roll is better than being treated like a girlfriend. Im not around single women anymore anyway since all my friends are married so its not like i have much opportunity but id rather take the slow route im not really good looking and smooth enough to pull the heavy flirt thing right away my only chance is a slow build where i grow on her.
xxoo Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 xxoo means well but shes a highly sexual flirtatious person who gets off on over the top flirting and sexual innuendos said to her but most women arent like that especially early on a lot will be creeped out by it FWIW, I go most places accompanied by my husband and children (outside of work), and I don't go around flirting wildly and inappropriately. The flirting I'm talking about is perfectly acceptable in front of a 10 year old child. Fun and light, not over the top at all. 1
PJKino Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) FWIW, I go most places accompanied by my husband and children (outside of work), and I don't go around flirting wildly and inappropriately. The flirting I'm talking about is perfectly acceptable in front of a 10 year old child. Fun and light, not over the top at all. Fair enough its just not what i feel comfortable doing with married women to each his own Edited May 10, 2013 by PJKino
Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I obviously didn't read this entire thread since it is ridiculously long, but it is disturbing how much of a duplicate that thread is to the current one -- page after page of people trying to convince you that you need platonic relationships, male friends, female friends who you aren't attracted to, etc. So, here you are in 2013 in the exact same position you were in in 2011. Do you intend to still be in the same place in 2015? At what point will you realize that what you are doing isn't working and actually take some of the advice that people on this site have spent a lot of time providing? It might do you some good to re-read that thread. Teknoe, in particular, gave you a lot of great advice. At any rate, I'm done responding to your threads after seeing that. You post under the guise that you want help, but really you don't. You just want to complain and tell us how we're all wrong. If you wanted to change, you would have done something in the past two years. Instead, it's the same old, same old. You haven't learned anything. This post nailed it. SD receives the same advice over and over, yet he constantly glosses over it as though it's of no use to him. He has been stuck in the same position for years now. If he would only get out of his own way, the things he could achieve and do in his life. I thought the D experience would have been a wake up call for him to re-evaluate his life, his attitude and his beliefs... but he's continually been doing the same things that have proven to not work. Don't let life pass you by. 2
Els Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Sorry, SD, but all I see in this thread is, for the hundredth time, people putting in a lot of genuine time and effort to try and get through to you, and you brushing them off flippantly or arguing with them, without actually giving them the thought they deserve or considering the fact that these people are putting in time and effort to help YOU. For FREE. Bowing out again... 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 This post nailed it. SD receives the same advice over and over, yet he constantly glosses over it as though it's of no use to him. He has been stuck in the same position for years now. If he would only get out of his own way, the things he could achieve and do in his life. I thought the D experience would have been a wake up call for him to re-evaluate his life, his attitude and his beliefs... but he's continually been doing the same things that have proven to not work. Don't let life pass you by. The solution really as I see it, is this: -SD needs to get a job where he makes a lot of money. -Wear and display lots of signs of wealth (fancy car, nice watches and suits). -Women flock to him. Now, this might not attract the right kind of women. But they'll be women, and probably attractive too.
Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 The solution really as I see it, is this: -SD needs to get a job where he makes a lot of money. -Wear and display lots of signs of wealth (fancy car, nice watches and suits). -Women flock to him. Now, this might not attract the right kind of women. But they'll be women, and probably attractive too. I respectfully disagree. I think your mindset is a little too much "Hollywood" (if that makes sense). Let's focus on real life and what is realistic, and WHAT MOST GUYS DO TO ATTRACT A GIRL. -Be interesting -Have a life outside of wanting to be with a girl -Be ambitious -Having a full time decent job never hurts -Having social capital (i.e. a network of friends) and thus, social skills -Sense of humor -Gentleman qualities (i.e. empathy, selflessness, ability to think of others) SD needs to work on these traits, and develop/flesh them out more. It doesn't seem like he has at all the last 5 years or whatever, which is exactly why he is stuck in the same place he was, only now he's older and change becomes even harder the longer you remain stubbornly stuck in the mud of a predictable and self-defeatist mindset kind of life.
Woohoo Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I'm only nervous when I want their approval of me. Like when I'm asking them on a date or trying to get their number. Other than occasions where I'm asking if they like me, I'm completely fine around women. Only 4 pages into the thread but wanna help you out so here goes. You said you are only nervous when you want their approval. This speaks loads. You see, wanting approval from someone automatically kills "attraction." Attraction is independent of "friendship." You are correct that being friends first CAN lead to a relationship. The thing is friends want to feel safe/comfortable around one another. Thus, friendship often leads to the friendzone. Remember the nervousness you felt. Well, guess what, when you want romantic interest you want that present in the other person. They must feel safe, but excited. When it is going well, you are "vibing" (my term, not original). Remember you want her excited by you, stimulated. Etc. To often men don't answer this one VERY tough question. What do YOU bring to a woman you are interested in? Gifts, drinks? Something more? As a musician who is admittedly insecure, promiscuous, broke, pierced, 33 and often pisses off a lot of "nice guys" (I've even been one at a couple of different times of being more shattered than currently) I know exactly what I offer. You can be good, but not "nice". Women often think I'm kinda "dumb." This puzzles the hell out of some of my friends who know my education and love of all things technical, philosophical and academic. A couple of simple pieces of advice. Think about what YOU do to impress someone. What if something comes up in conversation you know a lot about. You probably share what you know about it. Well, the goal is to not SHOW what you know about something. But get the other person to share what THEY know. You will see the excitement in them well up as they explain things to you. As they show and share more about themselves they will become positive about themselves and feel things towards you. Another piece of advice, be emotionally dynamic. The more you can express the more the other person will feel. When you can do this all around you will find strength. Vulnerability, not the whiny kind, but the being open to criticism and saying "yeah, I'm *whatever*", portrays extreme confidence. Finally, always be honest. Look up a list of emotions, figure out what they are and when you experience them you will find you have a point of reference. We all lie unconsciously, call yourself out on it and call others out on it. The social circle everyone brings up, that is to give you something to do with a woman you get past the first bit of attraction with. Bring her into YOUR world, the one you created. That is something you bring to the table. I'm writing an article right now about men and women that will probably help you significantly. These are some good general points and are what you are looking for, mull them over and post again.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I respectfully disagree. I think your mindset is a little too much "Hollywood" (if that makes sense). Let's focus on real life and what is realistic, and WHAT MOST GUYS DO TO ATTRACT A GIRL. -Be interesting -Have a life outside of wanting to be with a girl -Be ambitious -Having a full time decent job never hurts -Having social capital (i.e. a network of friends) and thus, social skills -Sense of humor -Gentleman qualities (i.e. empathy, selflessness, ability to think of others) SD needs to work on these traits, and develop/flesh them out more. It doesn't seem like he has at all the last 5 years or whatever, which is exactly why he is stuck in the same place he was, only now he's older and change becomes even harder the longer you remain stubbornly stuck in the mud of a predictable and self-defeatist mindset kind of life. No, my solution is about attracting the kinds of women who are attracted to wealth. All the stuff you said is way too complicated. It's simple here: get money, women will come. Now again, it might not be the best kind of women. But it'll be better than he's doing now...
Teknoe Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 No, my solution is about attracting the kinds of women who are attracted to wealth. All the stuff you said is way too complicated. It's simple here: get money, women will come. Now again, it might not be the best kind of women. But it'll be better than he's doing now... Instead of worrying about attracting women who are attracted to men with money, it'd be far wiser (and simpler) to work on attracting women who are attracted to men for their qualities, not their pocketbooks. You say it's a lot of hard work. It can be, absolutely, but also what most guys do. Money is fleeting. Have a good attitude and a good outlook on life is rock solid and hard to shake, even in a broken economy.
SteveC80 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 He talks to women, too. But his conversation style is very timid compared to the other guys. He doesn't flirt, but he gazes too long. He doesn't do well with group conversation, but only one-on-one, even if we are sitting in a group and everyone else is talking. In the group situation, he is the quietest one there. Literally quiet in voice, as well as talking the least with the whole group. One-on-one, he will talk forever. If I had to give one word, I'd just describe him as uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable for him. So, as a married woman (my H is right there), I will notice his muscles and comment on his abs ("Looking good!"). But that just results in those too-long gazes across the table.....not what I intended..... If hes a good friend why not set him up with someone you know since hes better at 1 on 1 conversations? Some people just arent good in large settings
Author somedude81 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for your post Woohoo. Only 4 pages into the thread but wanna help you out so here goes. You said you are only nervous when you want their approval. This speaks loads. You see, wanting approval from someone automatically kills "attraction." I don't really understand. I'm not exactly asking them to like me. Unless the very act of asking somebody out is asking for their approval, which lowers a woman's attraction. Are there other things that are interpreted as asking for approval? Attraction is independent of "friendship." You are correct that being friends first CAN lead to a relationship. The thing is friends want to feel safe/comfortable around one another. Thus, friendship often leads to the friendzone. I've long since given up that friendship can lead to a relationship. For me, friendship has a 100% chance to cause me to go to the friendzone and once I'm there, there is no getting out. That is one of the reasons why I'm so strongly against making female friends. I don't want to be just friends with somebody I may develop feelings for. Remember the nervousness you felt. Well, guess what, when you want romantic interest you want that present in the other person. They must feel safe, but excited. When it is going well, you are "vibing" (my term, not original). Remember you want her excited by you, stimulated. Etc. To often men don't answer this one VERY tough question. What do YOU bring to a woman you are interested in? Gifts, drinks? Something more? That is something I've often struggled with. What about me excites women? And the answer is nothing. There is also little that differentiates me from other guys. With the vast majority of girls not wanting somebody that is just another guy, that makes things pretty hard on me. I'll finish the rest when I get back. I just wanted to acknowledge your post.
Eclypse Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I have a question for you. You frequently say how you have no clue how to interact with women or read their signals or flirt. In the hundreds of threads and thousands of posts you've participated in on this subject, and the almost two decades of your life spent trying to get a woman... Have you learned something? Anything at all? If you were placed in a 1on1 situation with a hot chick right now, would you have more confidence and success than your 25 year old self? 1
Author somedude81 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I have a question for you. You frequently say how you have no clue how to interact with women or read their signals or flirt. In the hundreds of threads and thousands of posts you've participated in on this subject, and the almost two decades of your life spent trying to get a woman... Have you learned something? Anything at all? That's a very vague question. If you were placed in a 1on1 situation with a hot chick right now, would you have more confidence and success than your 25 year old self? Now I'd be more comfortable around her. I'd probably have a nice conversation, we'd joke and laugh. That's as far as things would go. Me at 25 would probably not talk to her at all or have a very boring generic conversation. I doubt she would ever laugh. So I've made progress, but it's nowhere near enough. I'm still instantly forgettable.
Eclypse Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 The reason I asked is because I hope you've learned things about dating from this forum. You said you were clueless so many times. You describe interactions with females then ask is what to do. Do you know what to do when you see an attractive woman now? Have you learned how to flirt and ask them on dates?
PJKino Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 If hes a good friend why not set him up with someone you know since hes better at 1 on 1 conversations? Some people just arent good in large settings Yeah you'd think if she supposenly cared so much shed do that instead of just expecting somebody to be something theyre not and be a social buttefly in a group setting all of a sudden.
ThaWholigan Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Yeah you'd think if she supposenly cared so much shed do that instead of just expecting somebody to be something theyre not and be a social buttefly in a group setting all of a sudden. It's hard playing matchmaker for someone - you have to vouch for that person and it can harm your social standing if it works out badly. Depends really. I would have no problem lining up something for a mate of mine personally.
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