Estate Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Last night's date... This one was from online, I really hadn't met up with anyone from online in a while, decided to give this girl a shot. She seemed ok but I was hoping her personality would win me over... ...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... not so much. I actually decided to go because she was the one who asked me if I'd like to get drinks. After a couple of messages I was on the fence but since she asked me first I said, sure, lets give it a try. I arrive, no hand shake, no hug, not even a smile to greet me.... well, ok....? Conversation was like pulling teeth. She literally did not ask me a single question about myself. That's fine with me, I can lead a conversation no problem even if someone is giving me nothing but this was unbelievable. No matter what I asked, no matter what I shared with her, no matter how much I tried to "dive in" to get to know her... I'd get a 2 sentence answer at best..... at best! Mostly it was single word answers with NOTHING for me to follow up on. After one drink I felt like I was literally pulling teeth but out of courtesy persevered into a 2nd drink. Really didn't get much better and decided to call it a night. Girl seemed very full of herself. As I said, she was nice but no exactly a knockout, I think she would have won me over with a fun or friendly personality but instead I got nothing... I'm the guy, I should be chasing her I guess... honestly? NEXT! I'm just amazed sometimes, she made zero effort. Despite not being exactly endeared by her I made a lot of effort to get her out of her shell and see if I'd find something I liked but really, there was nothing. I don't know if it's just because it was an online date that people just like the ego boost of racking up as many dates as possible without ever actually making an ounce of effort on them but she totally wasted my time. Seriously girls.... if you want a guy to call you the next day... do the opposite of this.
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 File this one under "And that is why she is still single".
Treasa Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Some people are socially awkward. I'll chat up anyone and have their entire life story in 30 minutes. I'm the opposite of this girl. Sadly, some people don't realize they're even doing it, or how to stop. Some people are just socially inept. 2
clia Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 From your description it sounds like she was disappointed in your appearance and was not into you. It doesn't seem like she cared if you called her again. JMO. 1
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 From your description it sounds like she was disappointed in your appearance and was not into you. It doesn't seem like she cared if you called her again. JMO. This, agreed. She asked to meet, so she was obviously interested. Then you show up, and her tune changes. That tells me she was disappointed.
Author Estate Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 This, agreed. She asked to meet, so she was obviously interested. Then you show up, and her tune changes. That tells me she was disappointed. Well we had about 2-3 messages exchanged online so I was on the fence about her really, couldn't tell how she would be in person, if that was her or not. May be very well she was disappointed with my appearance but my photo's are right there, clear as day and up to date so what you see is what you get. I do well in general with women, I hold myself to very high standards in terms of appearance. (In terms of how I turn myself out, we're all only working with what god gave us in terms of looks but I know I'm far from hideous.) From my profile it's very clear what I look like and I know I don't look VERY bad so I don't buy that... it's not like every girl would fall at my feet for looks but if her attitude was down to looks alone then it would have to mean I looked NOTHING like what she expected or I was turned out very poorly, neither of which were the case. I took a chance when she asked to meet herself after only a few messages. Didn't work out... no worries. Point is though... even I wasn't sold on HER looks before I went but I consider myself to be a pleasant person and good for conversing and I just wouldn't be so ignorant towards someone...
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 You being on the fence initially is really irrelevant to her behavior. The fact is, she asked to meet. That suggests she was really interested. Then she meets you, and she's over it. That tells me she was disappointed. Even if they LOOK the same, how people come across in person can and is often light years apart from their pictures. Just because you've had success with women in the past doesn't mean this woman was going to be impressed.
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't know if it's just because it was an online date that people just like the ego boost of racking up as many dates as possible without ever actually making an ounce of effort on them but she totally wasted my time. Seriously girls.... if you want a guy to call you the next day... do the opposite of this. OLD is such a stab in the dark, personally to me it got old really fast.
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) If she truly decided in the first minute that "there's no chemistry", then why would she stick around for the second drink? So I'm not sure I agree with that theory. EVEN IF she did decide in the first minute she wasn't interested: There is also such a thing as consideration for another person. Regardless of whether she was attracted to Estate, he did make a point of coming out for her. Her behavior was quite rude. I've gone on dates where I knew I wasn't feeling it very early on (due mainly to looks--physical attraction--it is hard to get a sense of what someone looks like from the waist down when the profile is mostly head-shots). I still made it a point to be a good date and give the person the courtesy of my attention for that drink or activity or whatever, without leading anyone on that is. Edited May 7, 2013 by Imajerk17
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 If she truly decided in the first minute that "there's no chemistry", then why would she stick around for the second drink? So I'm not sure I agree with that theory. EVEN IF she did decide in the first minute she wasn't interested: There is also such a thing as consideration for another person. Regardless of whether she was attracted to Estate, he did make a point of coming out for her. Her behavior was quite rude. I've gone on dates where I knew I wasn't feeling it very early on. I still made it a point to be a good date and give the person the courtesy of my attention for that drink or activity or whatever, without leading anyone on that is. The OP doesn't ask if she was rude. It explains how to not act on a date if you want the guy to call you for a second. Well, duh. Thing is, her behavior makes it really obvious she wasn't interested in a second date.
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) The OP doesn't ask if she was rude. It explains how to not act on a date if you want the guy to call you for a second. Well, duh. Thing is, her behavior makes it really obvious she wasn't interested in a second date. Sure. BUT, I can also get the OP's irritation too. The way this woman acted on the date just wasn't cool, whether she was interested or not. Edited May 7, 2013 by Imajerk17
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Sure. But I can also get the OP's irritation too. The way this woman acted on the date just wasn't cool, whether she was interested or not. I don't know. In the alternative, she could have been friendly and engaged him and acted like she wanted to get to know him... And after he contacted her for a second date, and she didn't respond or turned him down, he'd be back here saying, "I don't understand! She seemed so interested. She asked me about myself, conversation flowed!"
tbf Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 It's possible she wasn't interested but it's also possible she's very shy and/or an introverted personality type. Or maybe a combination of all. To help weed out personality types (not guaranteed to work of course) who aren't social enough for you, talk to them on the phone prior to dating. If they won't give you their phone number, ask them to skype or gchat. 3
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't know. In the alternative, she could have been friendly and engaged him and acted like she wanted to get to know him... And after he contacted her for a second date, and she didn't respond or turned him down, he'd be back here saying, "I don't understand! She seemed so interested. She asked me about myself, conversation flowed!" Hmmm. Suppose you go out of your way to meet up with a guy who decides in the first minute of your drink together that he isn't interested. How would you like him to handle the date? Would you like him to engage you in a friendly conversation and go through with the date, or would you rather he shut down? It is interesting how the opinions here seem to be split along gender lines. We guys seem to think that the girl was rude, whereas the women responding here seem to find her behavior quite understandable.
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Hmmm. Suppose you go out of your way to meet up with a guy who decides in the first minute of your drink together that he isn't interested. How would you like him to handle the date? Would you like him to engage you in a friendly conversation and go through with the date, or would you rather he shut down? Honestly? I'd prefer he come up with some excuse to leave early. It's a sucky situation, meeting up with someone and realizing that you're just NOT interested. I'd rather nip it in the bud than leave either one of us wondering why there wasn't a second date.
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Honestly? I'd prefer he come up with some excuse to leave early. It's a sucky situation, meeting up with someone and realizing that you're just NOT interested. I'd rather nip it in the bud than leave either one of us wondering why there wasn't a second date. That makes some sense. The woman in the OP's story, in all fairness, didn't give the OP too much rope to hang himself with, which actually isn't a bad thing. After a date like that, a guy in the OP's situation can walk away saying either "that girl has NO personality I don't want to date her" or "that girl decided in the first 30 seconds she wasn't interested so there really wasn't anything that I could have done would have made a difference". This instead of a guy in the OP's situation wondering how he screwed up the date with such a great girl (due to her playing along as being engaged).
Author Estate Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I don't know. In the alternative, she could have been friendly and engaged him and acted like she wanted to get to know him... And after he contacted her for a second date, and she didn't respond or turned him down, he'd be back here saying, "I don't understand! She seemed so interested. She asked me about myself, conversation flowed!" Hhahahahahaha, I think you are confusing me with a few others on here. She wasn't getting a 2nd date. But seriously, she came across like someone who just wanted something to do on a Monday night or wanted to rack up the numbers of dates to boost her ego. I mean, I have better things to do with my time and my paycheck. I'm not there to be someone's entertainer for the night. It's pretty easy to be courteous to someone without jumping down their tongue making them think there'll be a 2nd. If she was disappointed, fair enough, that was obvious... but why waste my time then. I have better things to do and better girls to meet.
Author Estate Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Honestly? I'd prefer he come up with some excuse to leave early. It's a sucky situation, meeting up with someone and realizing that you're just NOT interested. I'd rather nip it in the bud than leave either one of us wondering why there wasn't a second date. And if I did wouldn't she be bitching about what a lame date I was? Sorry, I tend to be courteous to people. I asked her after the first "Do you need to be anywhere? Or do you...." and before finishing my sentence she asked for another. Its pretty much the socially acceptable thing to do. You offer her an out but be courteous enough to stay if she were interested. She seemed happy to stay with another free drink on offer but after 2, I wrapped it up. Waste of my time.
scorpio1978 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I have seen people online and thought they were really handsome, but meet in person and they look the same, but something is "off". I had days where I was really shallow. Say, a person's front tooth is a shade of yellow compared to the others, or their nose was super big in person, etc. Yes, I know, ridiculous, and I have grown out of that, but I am just saying, maybe she met you and decided there was no chemistry. Might be looks, might be that you reminded her of someone, might be that she didn't like the weather that day and was cranky. Who knows? Who cares? Point is, you were trying to say what not to do on a date, not asking what you did wrong or what happened, so thanks for your post.
Els Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) Honestly, I think you're assuming too much. I don't know one single woman who considers two free drinks (you did drinks only, right?) to be worth spending a weekday evening with a man whom she was just stringing along for free stuff. It's one thing if you were getting her VIP tickets to a concert or bringing her on a cruise, in which case I'd say you have grounds for suspicion, but two drinks??? Eh. Most people are paid way more than that for the time invested. So that leads us to two other potential options. Either 1) that is just her personality type, or 2) she wasn't interested in you IRL. The fact that you 'consider yourself high-quality in terms of appearance' does not dictate whether or not someone else actually finds you attractive. You are completely within your rights to be put off by either one, and it certainly seems that neither of you wants a second date, so... next? Edited May 8, 2013 by Elswyth 1
crederer Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Do your pics online portray a better looking version of yourself? I understand why people pick the best ones of themselves but I tend to purposely put up pictures that give a realistic portrayal because I'd hate for a girl to show up to a date and feel disappointed with my looks. I make sure that I can look as good or better in person than what my pictures show online. That being said, I don't like OLD in general.
Author Estate Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Honestly, I think you're assuming too much. I don't know one single woman who considers two free drinks (you did drinks only, right?) to be worth spending a weekday evening with a man whom she was just stringing along for free stuff. It's one thing if you were getting her VIP tickets to a concert or bringing her on a cruise, in which case I'd say you have grounds for suspicion, but two drinks??? Eh. Most people are paid way more than that for the time invested. So that leads us to two other potential options. Either 1) that is just her personality type, or 2) she wasn't interested in you IRL. The fact that you 'consider yourself high-quality in terms of appearance' does not dictate whether or not someone else actually finds you attractive. You are completely within your rights to be put off by either one, and it certainly seems that neither of you wants a second date, so... next? Thats fair enough, not everyone is attracted to everyone else. There's girls who swoon over Brad Pitt and girls who've told me he's cute but not really their type. I defended myself about my appearance mainly because another poster made an insinuation that I either posted misleading photo's or that I showed up looking a mess, neither of which is the case. I think I'm entitled to make that clarification since no matter who I met or where I was going I don't generally go out looking like a hobo. In terms of the photo's I DID post. Look, nobody wants to post horrible pictures of themselves but my theory is to post photos which re as natural as possible. There's no point posting pictures which don't represent who I am in real life. So they are all pretty natural. I have a few close ups showing my facial features so I'm not hiding anything and a couple of me doing a few activities which might not be the most attractive photos ever of me but at least show if I'm skinny/fat or inbetween and the person can make up their own mind... I'd rather have pics that just show what I am thn mislead someone into meeting me. My original point though was... you know, there are certain social etteques, certain manners, etc, which you'd have around friends and family or co workers or people in general but when it comes to dating, if a girl is anything but 100% committed to something, they often feel it's acceptable to throw all social norms and manners out the window.... that's just not my way. Even if I'm not attracted to someone physically I am welcoming to everyone I meet and would still like to leave a good impression like "Well, there was no romantic spark there, but he did come across like a pretty cool guy"... I try to leave that impression on everyone. I find it very weird that I'd deliberately walk away from an interaction leaving someone thinking I was a dick.
wheream_i Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 You probably would've had better luck if you just started insulting her. Knock her down a peg or two.
Author Estate Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 You probably would've had better luck if you just started insulting her. Knock her down a peg or two. Negs are for bitter dudes and low standards. I don't do it.
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