erinrnlou Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ive never written anything like this but im very confused and need help. My husband of 8 years left in february. Said he was not happy. This was not expected. We had never had perfect relationship but we were together, we had a good life, very sexually.active. I.thought we were forever. In march i realized i was pregnant with our fourth child. He moved back in and then two weeks later told me there had been another woman he met at work and theyd been seeing.each other for a few months and she lives on our street and has two.small children. He moved in with her that night. I am in high risk pregnancy due to.uterine rupture and am freaking out. I have played it cool but when we talk.he is horrible. He talks about how happy he is with her, how they are excited about my.baby, and then.in the next breathe states he is unsure if he is the father. Why is he so angry at me if he left and i am not getting too worked.up about it and tryjng to make.coparenting.work? He also refuses to.pay child support. I.am.frustrated and angry
stillafool Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am so sorry for what you are going through. You darn right he will pay child support and if he doesn't think so he has another thing coming. Try not to talk to him at all if it upsets you. You have to take care of yourself and the baby. Since he has moved in with the other woman and is sure he wants to be there the best thing for you at this point is strict NC. Let an attorney do the talking for you. I hope you have family and friends nearby. Do you?
TaraMaiden Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 erin, are you in the USA? If he's the father (and I am perfectly sure he is) then he has no choice but to pay child support. If he wants to disprove paternity - let him fund it. Get in touch with everyone and anyone you know - let them know what he has done. Don't pull any punches. Then get legal advice, and file for divorce. If he's acting ugly, then I suggest you fight fire with fire. Establish a support network for yourself and your children. How they must be feeling about this, I hate to think........
Author erinrnlou Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Yes we are in the united states and i did file for child support but it will be a few months.before it goes to court. I do not have family beyond an aunt but my mother in law is verg supportive, she has helped me with several bills and has cut off.contact with him until he seeks counseling. She believes he has a personality.disorder. Also his father did the same.to her many years ago. My husband always expressed such disgust for his fathers behavior that i am blown away that he is repeating the same actions. I did see a lawyer, and our state has a law that you cannot.divorce while pregnant. This baby is absoltuely my hjsbands, i find it amusing that he has been cheating but.then.accuses me. I have only.had eyes.for my.husband since we met. I am sure that i will never have any romantic feelings for.him.again, but i do not.understand.why he is.so.hateful.to.me. I havr tried.to.make this transition so calm for myself and the children but the.nicer.and.calmer.i.am.the.more.upset.he.seems to get. I very much limit contact but he stills calls about the kids or my work schedule. I am a registered nurse in an icu and need him.to babgsit due.to.12 hour night.shifts. I am extremely.hurt. Anyone.would be but i just want to get through my pregnancy and.get out.of this.nightmare. Why would he treat me like.im.the.bad guy and how do.i.make him behave.for.the kids?
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 If he has a personality disorder, and his mother seems to think he does, then his behaviour is irrational and beyond the comprehension of a steady mind... Remain calm, rational, sensible and level-headed. You're a nurse, a mother and a pregnant woman; holy crap, trust me, I salute you. He has no respect, but don't sacrifice your dignity and well-being for this man. Use whatever resources you can to help you through this. "Cannot divorce while pregnant"...? Holy mother of god what archaic and stupid legislation - so if you were pregnant and he was beating the crap out of you, you'd have no recourse? I'm speechless.... Look after you and your children.... How old are they, BtW....? Can your MiL help with care....? If she's had experience of this, she may be the best buddy you have to know how to cope with this. But seek assistance anywhere you can. And until he pays maintenance, don't give him access to the children....
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Oh, hi, welcome back. That ban didn't last long then.... So the fact that he abandoned her in the middle of her pregnancy, to live with a woman down the street, how he rubs his new-found happiness in her face, and how he seems to be displaying al the care and consideration of a week-old cowpat, escaped your observation, did it? Yeah, wimmin, eh? Why they just don't roll over and take being shafted by some callous jerks is beyond me, you're so right.
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 he doesn't sound all that 'deprived' to me. He's out living the life of Riley, and states he refuses to pay child support. Where does that smack of 'depriving' him? if he won't pay up voluntarily, and he's obliging her to go through the courts, does that make him sound like a loving, devoted dad who misses his kids terribly? he doesn't deserve to be called a 'father'. he's negligent, irresponsible and uncaring. If he wants to see his kids, let him go to court, exactly in the way she has to, in order to MAKE his step up to the plate!
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 And you didn't read mine. he's depriving them of any input. he doesn't deserve the label father. He has already deprived his children. The remainder is a no-brainer.
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 No. Except in this case, I don't think she'd be wrong. Their father is having a mental tornado. You don't expose the kids to idiocy.
Author erinrnlou Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 I havent kept the kids away from their dad. They are all small and love him. And to keep my bouse and car and food, i have to work all night three nights a week. I dont really have a chlice. They seem to like his girlfriend and they like playing with his children. I already.filed for.child support and they said the money will be garnished directly from his check. And for.four kids it should be a good amount. Also the kids came home this morning talking.about.daddys new red car, which pisses me off but i just smile and say thats nice. I refuse to say anything about their dad bad to them. I plan to.just stay strong and show my kids that strength is the way to handle.things that happen bad. My oldest seems to know this is not right, she is very quiet. The nicer i am though, the more badly behaved he becomes. In this time before i have the baby, which is october, how do i make it peaceful? I almost died habjng my last child and there is a very real possibilty i may die if anything goes wrong this time and my uterus rupture again. I have to have peace for this baby and.myself to live, literally. And im freaking determined to live. Bozo the clown i was stupid enough.to marry and procreate with four times and his girlfriend.are.not.going.to.raise my children. And arent men supposed to leave for.younger and prettier? I am not.conceited.but i am. more attractive and put together and i think she is older than i am. I just need to get to.october and havr my baby, get divorced asap and move on with my life.
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