toc200 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Some may recall that my ex has been texting me on occasion. Usually on weekends. This Friday was no exception. It started with her sending "how are you" and continued on with her saying she misses me. I told her it seems she only says this kind of stuff when she's out and having a few drinks. She went on to say "no! I even looked at all our pics today sober and I miss your face" "come to my city soon" Anyways she was quite soft and I did not go the same with her. She wanted me to call but I said I was busy. We ended the exchange with her sending the xoxox's etc. Next morning she texts and reiterates that she didn't text because she was drunk. She says she often wants to text. So we text back n forth throughout the morning, just casual stuff but she seems to take longer to respond or short responses. She said she had to go to work. Told her to text me if she wants later, she said ok haha . That was the last I heard from her. So Saturday morning. What is the deal here. She starts these conversations; drunk and sober. But then She backs off? A month ago before she left out town she kept saying she wants us to be good friends, that I should come stay with her and her family on a visit. Well who says the things she says to just a friend? Is she genuinely missing me or just playing games? Both? At a loss of understanding here. Sorry for the novel too.
cdt76 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Because she is trying to ease her guilt. By being friends she will know you don't hate her and that she can keep her self esteem. Contact with you is all about making herself feel better.
maturityassets Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) She dumped you am I correct? Look you need to distance yourself from her. I know its hard but right now you being confused about her is not helping. If you haven't gotten closure from her ask for it now (none of this it wasn't you, it was me. Honest talk). Look I was recently toyed with by my ex. I did NC with her for 3 weeks up until I had to pick up on my stuff. And things seemed civil but we started to play with fire. She asked if I started seeing people, and I couldn't keep a straight face. So I told her yes. then she started to tell me about hook ups and one of them was a guy from her past who she cut out of her life during our relationship. She then constantly praised me, complimented me, said how good looking I was, how she will never find another boyfriend like me, and then lead me on to almost kiss her. Afterwards I felt fine but then the jealousy took hold which was strange for me because I was never jealous through out our relationship. I called her best friend to find out what she said was true and why she was doing this to me. Wasn't till yesterday that we spoke on closure. We both apologized for what we did, she lead me on that night and she admitted that she was jealous I was dating and so she felt the need to specifically mention the guy she hooked up with. She lead me on to see if we could spark again, mainly because everybody close with her (parents, siblings, best friends) were calling her an "idiot" to leave me. But she was also furious at me for contacting her best friend (who is also a friend of mine) so she said whatever sliver of hope she had of coming back to me when she matured died. It hurt to hear that but we needed this to end. You, I, or anyone else doesn't deserved to be toyed with. So anyway she does miss you in someways, you provided her with good memories and made her feel good about herself. At the same time she is using you. If you still think there is potential for a future then you need to tell her you at least need some space if you are going to at least aim "at being good friends", other than that you end this girl from your life. You need to be self dependent for now. You can't be roped in this way. Your feelings are still there are they not? You can only be at least "good friends" if your feelings are gone. Edited May 7, 2013 by maturityassets grammar
Author toc200 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Yes I suppose the little guy in me still does have feelings. About a month ago I think I would have jumped on a place if she asked me too. I since have gone to my home and being with family and old friends has helped like nothing else. We had no history in my hometown thank god. The funny thing is I am contemplating a move to her city; not because she is there and I hope for reconciliation, but because financially and for lifestyle choices it is probably a good move on my part. I have long and short term goals that I have set for myself since BU. Unfortunately, where I would truly desire to live, the long term goals are just not achievable. Her town is a great place too. My dad asks if my intended move and the reasons I have for moving there are justification for trying to get close to her and be back together. I dont think they are? I do not think my subconscious could be that powerful lol. One thing I do know is that I want to be OVER her before I move there. Im hoping a summer of enjoying the sun with family and friends, saving money and maybe a little summer fling would put me in the right place.. toc
TearyEyedPride Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 She misses you but not in the since that she wants you back. She just misses having you around to talk to, to fill the boring moments, listen to her. She misses the perks of you being her friend and companion, but she doesn't want you as her boyfriend. Exes will happily use you and ease their guilt if you stay around to fill that void. It's up to us to recognize that our exes can no longer fill our voids of wanting their love... so settling for being friends leaves you unfulfilled, and them perfectly ok. 2
Smokemirrors Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I'm sure she does miss you. When you've been close to someone for so long it's understandable. It's almost impossible to turn of that attachment and emotional switch just like that if you meant something to each other.
mbee Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I agree with everyone else as well. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, and he still texts me. I thought it was over and then he sent me an email yesterday afternoon asking me what I wanted for my birthday, calling me by the nickname he gave me, and ending it with "love". It's total mixed signals and you need to cut that off. I was out with a friend and having a good time and that email just brought me down and made me feel like it's not over. It's a way to toy with your feelings and to make her feel like she's not as much of a jerk. If she was serious about reconciling she'd do much more than sending text messages. She's hoping you guys can continue to be friends.
Author toc200 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Well I havent heard from her since Saturday/Sunday. The ending of that exchange was more or less we would talk when she finished work. I do not know if it's so much that she has feelings or just wants to play with me. I am so tempted to send a greeting but it almost seems like this is a game. Who can hold out the longest..
Author toc200 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Can anyone else verify that what J'adore says is a good idea lol? Believe me I am oh so tempted. I saw pictures of her on instagram today of her out sunbathing with friends and it really tempted me but I have held off.. Any second opinions on casual text?
mbee Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I would avoid casual texting honestly. It leads into something more easily and becomes a game. That's what happened with my ex. He casually texted me, I responded with a few words (nothing for him to respond to), then he texted me again casually. It becomes really annoying, even though I really love him. I would avoid any situation where you are the one texting her and initiating conversation. What will happen, which is what happened this morning, is a phone call or additional texting that leads you back to square one. Avoid sending a text and act like you've moved on and have no reason to get back to her. It will give you the upper hand and will help you stop looking at your phone awaiting some message from her. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Can anyone else verify that what J'adore says is a good idea lol? Believe me I am oh so tempted. I saw pictures of her on instagram today of her out sunbathing with friends and it really tempted me but I have held off.. Any second opinions on casual text? I would NOT do that. She is playing you and you are going to come across weak and pathetic if you reply. Now is the time for dignity and self-respect. You MUST go NC. Do NOT contact her no matter what, unless you don't care about your own self-worth!! 2
TearyEyedPride Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Uh yeah... I wouldn't text back and forth unless you want the headgames and feelings to become more complicated and worse. Just because you play the game doesn't mean it'll turn out like you want it. Her decision will still be her decision at the end of the day, even if you risk and lose your self respect trying to change her mind or playing along with her games.
Recommended Posts