DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ok all... I am having a WTF moment and I need help! Fact one... Although I have alluded to it, I have not come out and said it. xMOM is a coworker in the same company. I have been strict NC for over 3 months... Tough to do when you work for the same company. All breadcrumbs have come thru company means... i.e. company email and company IM. Up until not they have all been thru email. Which I have ignored. I mentioned Friday that I got a breadcrumb so bizarre in it's nature that I feel he has lost his mind. That one came thru IM. In the last 3 months there has been no need for us to communicate on a professional level. 5 minutes ago I just got another, what can only be defined as a lame excuse, to professionally contact me. He usually goes to my boss. WTF Seriously. Twice in less than a week?!?! Unfortunately the professional ones I can't ignore. That makes me look bad. But he really has no reason to be contacting me... There is about 10 other people more knowledgable than me he could go to first. Pierre?!?!?! Where are you? You have said over and over and over... Affair bubble... After dday it's all over. They feel nothing and go away. I'VE BEEN COUNTING ON THAT! WTF? P.S. I was professional. I told hi I didn't know the answer to his question and he should reach out to my boss. The end.
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 He wants sex. He didn't get it before... I don't know why he'd think he'd get it now. We had an EA that never became physical.
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 DO- Does his wife know? She doesn't right? Know what? About me? Yes. He had a DDay 3 months ago.
forgetmenot75 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Well, I think you should wait. And ask yourself what do you want with this man? He's probably missing the sex, and the psysical contact he once had with you. I think you might be flattered right now, given the fact he contacted you, but you have to stay calm, and think if you want to start anything again with this man. I know how difficult it is. Be strong, he good to yourself.
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Well, I think you should wait. And ask yourself what do you want with this man? He's probably missing the sex, and the psysical contact he once had with you. I think you might be flattered right now, given the fact he contacted you, but you have to stay calm, and think if you want to start anything again with this man. I know how difficult it is. Be strong, he good to yourself. Wait for what?!?! There was no sex or physical contact between us. No thanks... Been there...done that... Burned the tshirt and still have the scars. He really just wants to F:$&! With my mind. It can't be anything else.
So happy together Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I think you handled it perfectly. The secret now is to let it go. I mean, in your own head. Obsessing about it sucks, don't let him pull you back in. 2
Spark1111 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 he has either calmed things down at home and is looking for a opening, any opening, to reinitiating the affair..... OR, He wants to be friends. They all do. this way they can tell themselves that their treatment of you wasn't so despicable....as in " See, we are still friends?" Keep the door slammed shut, or write, Bob can better assist you with this...and have Bob, someone, as the CC on it. 2
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I think you handled it perfectly. The secret now is to let it go. I mean, in your own head. Obsessing about it sucks, don't let him pull you back in. How?!?! Part of the secret in letting go is them actually leaving you alone.
forgetmenot75 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 But...did you have a relationship with this man? And there was no psysical contact at all? Wait for what?!?! There was no sex or physical contact between us. No thanks... Been there...done that... Burned the tshirt and still have the scars. He really just wants to F:$&! With my mind. It can't be anything else.
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 He wants to be friends. They all do. this way they can tell themselves that their treatment of you wasn't so despicable....as in " See, we are still friends?" . Hope he's not holding his breath waiting for THAT to happen. I have first hand knowledge on how he treats his "best friend". Thanks...I'll pass. 3
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 But...did you have a relationship with this man? And there was no psysical contact at all? Strictly EA. I was very conflicted on letting it get physical... So it didn't happen. Strictly EA right down to the I love you deeply. I am not saying that it wouldn't haven become physical had DDAY Not happened... So I guess I got a lucky escape on that one.
So happy together Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 How?!?! Part of the secret in letting go is them actually leaving you alone. Well, I meant that since you have responded that you should now do your best to put it out of your mind in order to give yourself an emotional rest. 1
BrokenPrincess Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Pierre?!?!?! Where are you? You have said over and over and over... Affair bubble... After dday it's all over. They feel nothing and go away. I'VE BEEN COUNTING ON THAT! LOL this gave me a chuckle! (Sorry, not minimizing your anixiety about xMM's breadcrumb attempt, but sometimes you just have a moment to appreciate the insanity of all this) You've read enough here I'm sure to see that many come back around after D-Day (even mine did, professing all the feelings that had been "ripping his gut apart" every day of NC) Seriously, I hope you've had a minute to recover by now. Get some water. I can't imagine if I had to see xMM at work. It sounds like yours is ramping up his efforts. Men do love to chase after all 1
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 LOL this gave me a chuckle! (Sorry, not minimizing your anixiety about xMM's breadcrumb attempt, but sometimes you just have a moment to appreciate the insanity of all this) You've read enough here I'm sure to see that many come back around after D-Day (even mine did, professing all the feelings that had been "ripping his gut apart" every day of NC) Seriously, I hope you've had a minute to recover by now. Get some water. I can't imagine if I had to see xMM at work. It sounds like yours is ramping up his efforts. Men do love to chase after all Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not really freaking out... More wanting to punch him in the face. BP... I've read your story... Quite honestly, it was the scariest thing I've seen since Fatal Attraction. It should be pinned to the top of this board as a reason NOT to ever go back. And I mean that with all respect. I am sorry for your pain... But what a reality check for all of us!!!
BetrayedH Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I suspect that Pierre would tell you that we're right on script; the MM attempts to resume the A as soon as the dust settles at home and the wife isn't watching so closely. 3
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Wait for what?!?! There was no sex or physical contact between us. No thanks... Been there...done that... Burned the tshirt and still have the scars. He really just wants to F:$&! With my mind. It can't be anything else. I'd say it's a lot like the 10 year old boys who pull ponytails!He wants attention, he's being mischievous, he's fishing. He is NOT considering your feelings or showing respect. I'd say you handled things perfectly. I always told my DD who wanted to beat the heck out of the ponytail snatchers, "little boys throw rocks in the water to see the splash, if you don't splash they go away!" Keep up the good work, and don't splash! 1
jezebella Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 DO, is there any way you can look for another job? I honestly don't know how you folks handle this in an office setting. Mine was with a coworker as well, but we have both since resigned and moved on (something that was in the works prior to his DDay - not a symptom of the A). It would be torture to have him around, and I suspect it would make it impossible to stop.
ComingInHot Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 DO, I am so incredibly proud of you right now!!! And you should be as well* You were (and parts of you still are) invested emotionally with this MM, and you responded in a way that demands yourself and the world look at you with respect and honor! Some would cave and think, "See?!?! He does love me and want me! It was real after all!". If he is attempting to schmooze you back into EA/PA(he hopes) mode, I think you should say... Yes. Yes you would LOVE to get back together with him! All he has to do is SHOW you SIGNED D papers by both he AND his W.** Then he can date you properly, show you off to the world, friends, family, ole college buddies and co-workers. He should WANT to do that with the woman he wants to be with! He should shout it from the mountain top! (okay maybe not that Tom Cruise) but you know what I'm saying, right?* I really think you did an amazing thing today Delusional One. (maybe change your user name to "notsodelusionalone" lol 4
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Affair bubble simply means that everything OM tells you comes from the heart. He is not faking it. After d-day the bubble breaks, but if you cooperate the bubble will form again. And his ILYs will come from the heart.:laugh: hope he's not holding his breath waiting for that either.
spice4life Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Hope he's not holding his breath waiting for THAT to happen. I have first hand knowledge on how he treats his "best friend". Thanks...I'll pass. LOL! This is hilarious and good for you! Keep up the good work and keep ignoring him. He will probably turn up the heat a bit before he simmers down and decides to give up. If you aren't giving him any room to keep his foot in the door he will give up eventually.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Good girl! Damn I would love to have the opportunity to finally tell him "no thank you"
SweetBella1 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Simple. He misses you & is looking for any opportunity to contact you. If I were you, I'd take it as a compliment that you meant something to him but continue to keep yourself separated from him. Many of us would love a chance like this. 1
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Actually, after a 2 hours yoga class tonight, I'm feeling about 10 different kinds of stupid.:o:o I think I made something out of a whole lot of nothing. It, more than likely, was nothing more than it appeared to be. Granted, Friday's contact was a little odd but again...nothing to get excited about. LOL! This is hilarious and good for you! Keep up the good work and keep ignoring him. He will probably turn up the heat a bit before he simmers down and decides to give up. If you aren't giving him any room to keep his foot in the door he will give up eventually. I doubt it.... I mean turning up the heat. Again probably a whole lot of nothing. If he's running true to form, I should get another breadcrumb in about 5-6 weeks if at all. After all, all attempts at communication up until now have been ignored and he'll just give up and go away. Good girl! Damn I would love to have the opportunity to finally tell him "no thank you" No you don't.... it hurts. Many of us would love a chance like this. Ditto above. It would be best if he just left me alone. I gave him the courtesy and respect to leave him alone when he walked away... you think he'd do the same. I would like it if the ignoring and the NC were just a natural thing and not just something I am doing to protect myself. ***Sigh*** Oh well.
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