I need someone else's point of view on this: I just got a reverse ultimatum!

[Daniel Kaiser]

I met this girl on the new year's eve, in a great party where both of us had a lot of fun. It was VERY natural and felt very nice to continue dating from this day on, without any hiccups or bumps, which are very common when transitioning between stages of the relationship; in otherwords, we just clicked.

 

It's been 4 full months now, and I've learned a lot about this girl. She has some emotional issues and does therapy, but so far I've had way more bonus than onus from this relationship. She has issues, it's true, but she's also the kind of woman I want in a relationship: inteligent, beautiful, hot, good at bed, that kind of stuff.

 

The problem seems to be that, before I met her, I received an university grant to study abroad for one year. And thus, I'm schedulled to leave this country where we live in a few months now (august). She always knew our relationship had a limited time, and this weighed terribly in our relationship, but we managed so far.

 

Until one day, where she fell physically sick and we drifted apart for two whole weeks. She fell under pressure from different sources, and it seems like she had almost gone mad. She called me, we talked, and she kind of gave me an ultimatum, as I understood it... and here's kinda of how it sounded like:

 

"I can't deal with this anymore. All I know is that I cannot have a relationship with you under these circunstances. But still, I like you A LOT, and I don't want to lose you. I don't know if this is possible, and I understand if you don't want it, but I want to take a step _back_ with you."

 

This means she wants to be open to being approached, to meet other guys and gals (yea, she's also bisexual).

 

I am at a loss in this situation, because I can understand the way she will feel after I leave. She will probably feel she wasted her time with me when she could be meeting some guy who would actually stay with her, build something stable, maybe. But I also think I can't handle an open relationship, or "taking a step back" with this girl.

 

What are your opinions on this? I thank in advance, sorry for the long story...

[justin1988]

If I were in your shoes I would not do an open relationship. For sure still do your study abroad. You don't want to regret not doing it later in life and end up blaming her. You two should just end the relationship or take a break or whatever you want to call it. When you get back you two should meet back up if you both are still single and see how it goes from there. I don't want to use the meant to be line but if it's right it will work out when you get back. If its real it will fall right back into place when you two meet back up. And who knows you two might meet new people that are even better fits during your time apart which wouldnt be bad either.

[Daniel Kaiser]

Well, not studying abroad didn't cross my mind. It feels like I won the lotto. And I didn't consider a distance relationship neither. Thinking like this, I can begin to understand her, I mean, isn't it a little bit egoistic of me to expect her to stay with me as long as I am here, so I can have a nice time, and then bid farewell and go have a lot of crazy experiences out there?

 

Still, that's what I wanted. So sad to let her go, and still, it was just a matter of time, and having it for a few months more would be very convenient for me, and maybe not so much for her, if you look with a certain perspective.

[Treasa]

Have fun (I missed it, where are you going?) and ignore her. You're her soft landing spot. Don't settle for that.