He said he wants to be a better person

[seriousgirl]

I am OW. He gave me a lot of reasons why he cant divorce her now.

We have been tgt for 6+ months and he has a one-year-old baby.

After i convinced him of all the other reasons , he says he wants to be a better person. SO he will do things properly --> divorce his wife when he is ready and when he is free, he will be with me. So we can have a normal couple relationship. Do you get any advice to make him come back to me?

i dont think he is doing anything bad, His wife treats him bad, and even he was nice to her, he didnt get what he deserved like respect or freedom or love. it appears to me that her wife gave him up first then why should he respect her and be a good husband to her?? He is being a responsible and caring father to his daughter now i think he isnt owing anything to her.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you are hurting and want him to come back. but I dont think you can do anything to bring him back. It sounds like he wants to be with his wife and thats what he is going to do. You should move on and keep your self busy. You may think that she is not that deserving and he is not doing anything bad. I bet his wife would disagree. He has told you what he wants you to hear. Their is two sides to every story.

[carhill]

Do you get any advice to make him come back to me?

 

Presuming he's being honest about 'wants to be a better person', as well as his plan of action for being so, supporting him along that path and showing that you are his equal in the 'wants to be a better person' department will, or should, inspire the kind of love and respect a healthy person feels to *want* to come back to you.

 

It appears to me that her wife gave him up first then why should he respect her and be a good husband to her??

 

Even if accurate, and it's always healthy IMO to take such statements with some skepticism, unless verifiable independently, love for one's spouse and one's family isn't always rational or logical. The feelings which bond one don't necessarily fit a flowchart of what is right and what is not. He feels how he feels, right now. He could feel differently tomorrow. It's unknown. IMO, go with the known, being that he wants to be a better person and will divorce his wife when he's ready. That's direct and positive information.

 

Good luck.

[Praying4Peace]

Let's say his wife has been mean and cold to him in the marriage. Let's say this is true. Perhaps he feels rejected by her and WANTS affection from her.

 

Isn't it possible?

 

In my situation, the exMM and his wife were on very weird terms but it was HER problems with him. He was always begging her to come around. I think when she did after Dday he had to give it a shot. It was all he ever wanted- to be wanted by her.

 

So beware the dynamics here. Rejection makes people go after others even more.

[SunshineToday]

Then if you believe him, just wait for him. When he "is ready" could be a very long time. But if you are willing to sit by, ...you should do that.

You seem to keep blaming his wife, because she gave him up first, so why should he respect her...etc. Stop worrying about his wife.

 

Does his wife even know the truth of what is going on? Because once she finds out, things really could change.

[chaser0195]

I am sorry you are hurting and want him to come back. but I dont think you can do anything to bring him back. It sounds like he wants to be with his wife and thats what he is going to do. You should move on and keep your self busy. You may think that she is not that deserving and he is not doing anything bad. I bet his wife would disagree. He has told you what he wants you to hear. Their is two sides to every story.

 

I don't think he wants to be a better person. I think he found a less demanding other woman.

[secretlady76]

He said this, he said that....blah blah blah blah blah.

 

Actions, actions, actions. All you need to guage are ACTIONS. Ignore his words.

 

However, if you are going to believe what he is saying then you can say goodbye to days, months, years of your life.....and still be in the same situation.

 

Don't allow him to use you. Take control of your life, have self respect and walk away, before you lose whats left of your self worth.

 

I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with....these idiotic MM, or the women who believe what they say! I'm not being rude, I've been there, so you do have my sympathy.

[SmokeRat]

He isn't owing anything to his wife?

 

Sorry, let me clear the smoke out of my ears.

 

He isn't owing anything to his wife? GUFFAH!!!

 

I don't know, maybe his wedding vows? Maybe his word? Maybe the love he promised her?

 

See where I am going with this, he's a selfish, douche of a man. Sorry, but I'm being blunt. He's having an affair, while married, and has just recently brought a child into this world.

 

DOUCHE.

 

And as for you, no sympathy to you. Helping to destroy a marriage, should net you nothing but misery and guilt. You do not deserve to live a happy, healthy life with this poor excuse of a 'man'.

 

You know what I read? ME ME ME ME ME, **** the BS, MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMME.

 

Enough.

[So happy together]

I'm beginning to wonder if this whole relationship was mostly in one person's mind.

 

Oh my gosh! When I read this I laughed! I got this horrible vision of a fifty year old man with a giant gut, dressed in heels, boxer shorts, a frilly baby girl pajama top and lipstick, typing out his demands to himself on LS.

 

No offense to the OP... just the visual was so funny!

[scatterd]

His wife treats him bad, and even he was nice to her, he didnt get what he deserved like respect or freedom or love.

 

 

How do you know his wife treats him bad? Is it because he said? He has had enough freedom to be with you. How do you know how much she loves him. Did he tell you that? I want you to think about this. Why would he tell you this? Does his actions go along with his words? Has your relationship changed? Look back at what he has said and what he is doing. Why would he trade in his wife and kid for another demanding relationship. Do you think he could have wanted someone that was shinny and new that built him up. Could it be he loved getting all that attention on the side but now it is getting complicated. Is it possible hes scared you are getting to involved so he is telling you what you want to hear. If this could be so do you want to wait in case it does not work. Actions speak louder then words.