GI_Joy Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ya know, I've been proud of myself for not letting my thoughts get to me, for being able to cope with the craziness and betrayal and pain that has been brought upon me after my break-up. It will be one month this Saturday since the BU and NC. I've experienced the worst a couple weeks ago and now I'm beginning to feel indifferent, not caring about what he's doing, not caring about what he's feeling, even though those thoughts of whether he thinks of me come and go like tidewater. Years of depression have made me used to getting paralyzed in my own thoughts, internalizing what others have done to me, thinking other people's shortcomings and flaws are a reflection of myself. But this break-up has been the first event that I've been able to separate myself from the situation, and not once have I drowned or wallowed in self-pity and self-doubt. All this time, I've been feeling pretty good and relaxed. I feel like I'm starting to be able to let go completely--finally being able to sleep through the night without the 3am wake-up with the dreaded thoughts of him, having a better outlook in life, etc--but then, just then, right when you're ready to let go and move on, your mind decides to concoct a dream where you're back with your Ex, and things between you and him are just like they were when you first fell in love with him. The attention you've been craving, the authenticity, the spark....it's all there and intact, as if the break-up and betrayal had never happened. And then you wake up with the cold reality, the harsh truth, the trick that your mind has played on you right when you are ready to forget him. All this time, I've not dreamt or thought of him once in a good light, and if anyone knows my story they know he doesn't deserve that good light at ALL. I was ready to forget him. But now the false hope that my mind has created is irking me today, and now I'm angry. Has this ever happened to you? Why does the mind play such horrible tricks?
Coping Vortex Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ya know, I've been proud of myself for not letting my thoughts get to me, for being able to cope with the craziness and betrayal and pain that has been brought upon me after my break-up. It will be one month this Saturday since the BU and NC. I've experienced the worst a couple weeks ago and now I'm beginning to feel indifferent, not caring about what he's doing, not caring about what he's feeling, even though those thoughts of whether he thinks of me come and go like tidewater. Years of depression have made me used to getting paralyzed in my own thoughts, internalizing what others have done to me, thinking other people's shortcomings and flaws are a reflection of myself. But this break-up has been the first event that I've been able to separate myself from the situation, and not once have I drowned or wallowed in self-pity and self-doubt. All this time, I've been feeling pretty good and relaxed. I feel like I'm starting to be able to let go completely--finally being able to sleep through the night without the 3am wake-up with the dreaded thoughts of him, having a better outlook in life, etc--but then, just then, right when you're ready to let go and move on, your mind decides to concoct a dream where you're back with your Ex, and things between you and him are just like they were when you first fell in love with him. The attention you've been craving, the authenticity, the spark....it's all there and intact, as if the break-up and betrayal had never happened. And then you wake up with the cold reality, the harsh truth, the trick that your mind has played on you right when you are ready to forget him. All this time, I've not dreamt or thought of him once in a good light, and if anyone knows my story they know he doesn't deserve that good light at ALL. I was ready to forget him. But now the false hope that my mind has created is irking me today, and now I'm angry. Has this ever happened to you? Why does the mind play such horrible tricks? It's a cruel joke our minds play on us. We let our own minds torture us. It's bad enough with missing your ex but then lack of sleep etc. adds to the torture. I guess only time will let us forget.
cinta_satu Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) Our minds are complicated. You would think our minds would want to do what's best for us, but that's not always the case. The girl I loved more than anything and treated like a princess left me last Christmas. She wanted to remain close friends and talk daily until we moved on and I agreed. She assured it would take her a year to move on. We were talking everyday until 2 months later she told me we had to stop. Turns out she met someone and moved on. I felt betrayed, angry, cheated, used, etc. It's been a little over 2 months now that I've been fighting off depression. Everyday I'm plagued with thoughts of her. Sometimes I find myself smiling lost in a daydream of a memory of her and I. Sometimes it's a daydream of us somewhere on a beach just holding each other. The worst is when I have dreams at night of her and her new bf. I've had dreams of them getting engaged, getting married, travelling together. I haven't had a good nights sleep in a long time. I've had daydreams of them getting intimate and I can feel my heart racing. I hate when I have a dream of her and I getting back together and loving each other like we used to - only to wake up and realize the harsh cold reality that she's moved on. The loss of sleep and stress really affected me. I had a stress induced seizure 2 weeks ago after which I decided I need to find a way to get through this. Something that has helped me a little is working out hard in the evening and tiring myself out. Also, watching something funny before bed. I don't know if you're religious, but praying seems to help to. Even if you're not religious saying certain things out loud will reinforce it into your subconscious. And do not go to bed harboring any strong emotions such as anger or bitterness. That's where I find the working out helpful. It's a tough road ahead. I hope we can get through it. Stay strong and take care! Edited May 7, 2013 by cinta_satu 1
andre84 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 This is exactly what happened to me. I was doing better and then a few days ago I woke up from a dream where we were working things out... and this morning I had another dream where my ex started dating a friend of mine. Obviously I wake up depressed ... and only got 4-5 hours of sleep. (I'm always tired at work) It really sucks cause I was doing better throughout the day, but now I'm afraid to sleep because it feels too real and then I wake up feeling so alone and sad. Its good to know I'm not the only one that is going through this.
Author GI_Joy Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Indeed, it's reassuring to know that other people experience a similar feeling that I'm having right now. andre84, that's how I felt when I woke up this morning...These past couple weeks I've been waking up feeling pretty good but after having dreamt of being back together with him it just reopened the fresh wounds that have already begun to heal...I'm over this. I want nothing more than to forget he ever existed...It's hard when you fall in love with someone, only for them to turn out to be someone you would have never thought he would be. I.e.. a two-timing pathetic excuse for a man But even with the truth clearly splayed out in front of me, my mind still reminds me of how sweet it was when i was with him. The sweetness I experienced before I found out he was already in a relationship with someone else in a different country/and screwing a third girl on the side...I would have never thought he was capable of such things, but alas, love is blind, and I'm just a fool.
Coping Vortex Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 This is exactly what happened to me. I was doing better and then a few days ago I woke up from a dream where we were working things out... and this morning I had another dream where my ex started dating a friend of mine. Obviously I wake up depressed ... and only got 4-5 hours of sleep. (I'm always tired at work) It really sucks cause I was doing better throughout the day, but now I'm afraid to sleep because it feels too real and then I wake up feeling so alone and sad. Its good to know I'm not the only one that is going through this. I can relate to the lack of sleep. I have averaged only three hours of sleep for the past 5 months. I'm tortured everyday if thoughts of her. I have been working out and just booked a vacation. Trying to keep the thoughts at bay.
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