great_divide77 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am sleep deprived and anxiety is at an all time high. I am depressed and unmotivated. I know all this stems from my inability to move forward and make a decision once and for all. On another thread a wise person told me that I need to get myself in a healthy place before I make any decision. He meant this as a good thing but since reading that yesterday I've been trying to figure out where I would even start. I still have love for my husband, but its clouded out by the resentment and anger I feel toward him. I am also becoming suspicious of his every move lately. I think he's talking to someone at work and keeping it from me. It would not be the first time he has developed an emotional affair with a co-worker and all the signs are there. The sneaking of texts and calls. The snarky attitude. The only female that I know he works with is our neighbor, so you can imagine my feelings on that. To top it all off I have nightmares about this and their so vivid I wake up angry with him. I am starting to feel a little crazy about all this and I fear I might jump the gun before I am financially ready. All interactions between us lately are numb for me. Were still having sex but that has lost all meaning and has become a something to schedule in so that he doesn't initiate. I don't know what to do. I have tried so hard to keep this marriage going. I just don't have the energy to continue fighting anymore. 12 years of alcohol abuse, cheating, lying and other non-forgivable infractions have worn me down to a shell.
will1988 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am sleep deprived and anxiety is at an all time high. I am depressed and unmotivated. I know all this stems from my inability to move forward and make a decision once and for all. On another thread a wise person told me that I need to get myself in a healthy place before I make any decision. He meant this as a good thing but since reading that yesterday I've been trying to figure out where I would even start. I still have love for my husband, but its clouded out by the resentment and anger I feel toward him. I am also becoming suspicious of his every move lately. I think he's talking to someone at work and keeping it from me. It would not be the first time he has developed an emotional affair with a co-worker and all the signs are there. The sneaking of texts and calls. The snarky attitude. The only female that I know he works with is our neighbor, so you can imagine my feelings on that. To top it all off I have nightmares about this and their so vivid I wake up angry with him. I am starting to feel a little crazy about all this and I fear I might jump the gun before I am financially ready. All interactions between us lately are numb for me. Were still having sex but that has lost all meaning and has become a something to schedule in so that he doesn't initiate. I don't know what to do. I have tried so hard to keep this marriage going. I just don't have the energy to continue fighting anymore. 12 years of alcohol abuse, cheating, lying and other non-forgivable infractions have worn me down to a shell. if you are not happy, then leave!
aMguilts Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 so stop the fighting and whoever said that to you is right you can never see straight while you still have the anger and resentment it`ll cloud any judgement or decision that you may feel you need to take stop `trying` to make the marriage work cos that never works take a step back in your mind now, imagine a beach of sand. in front of you draw a line you are are 1 side of the line, your husband the other now take a step back and let him come over the line to you if he wants to and when he does(and he will), draw another line and take ANOTHER step back cos at the mo its the other way around, he`s the one drawing the lines in the sand and your the 1 crossing over them, to meet him stop right now enough is enough draw your line hugs aM
Author great_divide77 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 if you are not happy, then leave! Why is it so easy for someone to just say leave. No I'm not happy! There are a lot of reasons for my unhappiness and most are caused by my husband. Some, however are my own issues and regrets. I also do not believe in cavalier marriages. I have put 12 years into this marriage and there are many parts of it that are memorable and good. Its those parts that make the decision to go very hard. I can still see glimpses of the good and I'm stupid enough to have had hope for it to change. Also there are children involved and they love their Dad. I also am just returning to the workforce after having to care for a special needs child 24/7 for the last 8 years. Financially I would leave my children destitute if I walked out today. Please do not act like you know the whole story from one post. I am looking for constructive feedback from people who have similar backgrounds. Not from those who obviously have not cared enough to stick anything through.
Author great_divide77 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 so stop the fighting and whoever said that to you is right you can never see straight while you still have the anger and resentment it`ll cloud any judgement or decision that you may feel you need to take stop `trying` to make the marriage work cos that never works take a step back in your mind now, imagine a beach of sand. in front of you draw a line you are are 1 side of the line, your husband the other now take a step back and let him come over the line to you if he wants to and when he does(and he will), draw another line and take ANOTHER step back cos at the mo its the other way around, he`s the one drawing the lines in the sand and your the 1 crossing over them, to meet him stop right now enough is enough draw your line hugs aM I am just not sure where to draw the line at. I have given ultimatums in the past and asked for change. He swears he loves me and then I get the guilt trip of being the only thing he lives for, blah blah blah. In my emotional state I buy the BS and he changes for a while. I ride the euphoria of thinking we have connected and real change will happen. Then the other shoe will drop and I'm back to feeling like this. I am struggling with justification. If I walked out today I have no reason that is concrete. I think its easy to go when you are angry. Emotion fuels you on. Once the anger subsides and you miss your window of opportunity you feel trapped. I cannot justify to myself or my kids that leaving because I am sad is a good reason to uproot their whole lives.
candie13 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Insomnia is one of the strongest & easiest to recognize signs of depression...
worldgonewrong Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 "One of the marvels of the world isthe sight of a soul sitting in prison with the key in its hand! Covered with dust, with a cleansing waterfall inches away!" - Rumi
GuyInLimbo Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please make an appointment and start today. It sounds like you're in a dark place and you need a lot more than just a bunch of anons here on the net telling you things. I feel for you. 1
aMguilts Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am just not sure where to draw the line at. I have given ultimatums in the past and asked for change. He swears he loves me and then I get the guilt trip of being the only thing he lives for, blah blah blah. In my emotional state I buy the BS and he changes for a while. I ride the euphoria of thinking we have connected and real change will happen. Then the other shoe will drop and I'm back to feeling like this. I am struggling with justification. If I walked out today I have no reason that is concrete. I think its easy to go when you are angry. Emotion fuels you on. Once the anger subsides and you miss your window of opportunity you feel trapped. I cannot justify to myself or my kids that leaving because I am sad is a good reason to uproot their whole lives. ok thats fine so answer me this why ARE you staying? to keep on going with the life you are living for how much longer? 1 year? 5 years? 10? a lifetime??? draw the line in the sand i know you cant right now but i`ve put the idea in your head:) and 1 day you will keep posting hugs aM
Mr. Lucky Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Why is it so easy for someone to just say leave. No I'm not happy! There are a lot of reasons for my unhappiness and most are caused by my husband. Some, however are my own issues and regrets. I also do not believe in cavalier marriages. I have put 12 years into this marriage and there are many parts of it that are memorable and good. Its those parts that make the decision to go very hard. I can still see glimpses of the good and I'm stupid enough to have had hope for it to change. Also there are children involved and they love their Dad. I also am just returning to the workforce after having to care for a special needs child 24/7 for the last 8 years. Financially I would leave my children destitute if I walked out today. Please do not act like you know the whole story from one post. I am looking for constructive feedback from people who have similar backgrounds. Not from those who obviously have not cared enough to stick anything through. GD77, this is a public forum and you'll get all kinds of responses and feedback. Since you're asking posters to be open-minded and non-judgmental, you should return the favor. You're initial post is well-written and seems to reflect your feelings. Were you to print it out and show it to your husband, would he be surprised at what you've written ??? Mr. Lucky 1
Feelin Frisky Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Oh dear. Sleep deprivation is a real handicap when so much is required of you. Most doctors--not even psychiatrists--will accommodate you with a prescription sleep aid. You'll give yourself a better chance to handle what you have to if you catch up on your sleep. I suffer from this often and procrastinate a lot because of it. Doctors won't give you so much you'll become dependent usually. So, consider it an alternative. Nothing over the counter works for me and some things work against by causing spasms in the legs. Only a real prescription does the job. Good luck.
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