He left me because of money

[Egychick]

My now Ex Boyfriend and I had been together for almost 2 years. It has been a rocky relationship from almost the start. We both come from different backgrounds and countries and have completely different life experiences. But the thing we had in common was a deep faith in God. However, he always has had an anger management issues. And for me, I can be a forgetful person at times.

This time, it was because I didn't give him transportation money to get to his team practice outside of town. He's a pro football player for a 2nd division team. He was in town for a whole week, and waited until the last minute to find money. But when his friends didn't respond, and he found out I had money, he got mad at me for not giving it to him. As a result, about 80$ may be deducted from his pay. I had forgotten to pull him aside and give him the money, as we were at a party and a lot was going on...and later, I planned to give it to him that night, but we unexpectedly got in different cars. So he said, I am the reason and a threat to his career. I told him, I am not responsible for getting you to work. It's not my fault, I could have helped, if I didn't forget to pull you aside, but I am not a risk. This may have been the only time, when there was an opportunity, that he didn't get money from me. I have paid his rent before, I have paid his hospital bill, for his medicine, bought soccer cleats for him twice, most times we met, i gave him money before he left, I always buy phone credit for him, Most times when we went out, I paid for the food, or for the groceries, and for transportation. But now, he says I don't care and I'm careless? He says he has tried his best (not cheating on me like he did with all his other gfs) and really loved me. He sent me so many sweet text messages...and just when I believed he loved me, he would hurt me and forget all the times I was there for him. He would yell and scream at me like he didn't even know me, hang up the phone, even after I paid his rent. And hang it up multiple times. He called me a stupid foolish woman because I didn't do what he said. Any time I would try to defend myself, he would say I am arguing. He liked calling me a liar...especially when he would cross examine me, and I would under pressure, come up with the wrong answer or get a detail wrong, and so he said, you are a liar!! No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. He said I am not yet the noble woman I could be. When I would try to correct his actions using Bible verses, he'd always cut me off and say, you can't tell me anything about the Bible, yet, he was always allowed to correct me with parables and Bible verses. One of the last events that happened was that we were at a subway station...not in the US. And we missed our stop. So we went to the next, and needed to cross over to the other platform. I said, let's pay 1$ and cross over. He said, other people are crossing over the tracks (trains come in both directions every minute) and i said no, I will take the steps...so he crossed over the tracks, and I took the steps. When I met him on the other side, I told him, it wasn't right what you did. You should have been with me as my man to protect me. He told me, "it's best you just be quiet." We had just gotten out of church when this happened. He really learned a lot, didn't he?

 

I have gone through almost 2 years of him yelling and screaming at me, threatening to break up with me, breaking up with me, getting back together, breaking up, him telling me he is sick and tired of me, that he can find someone else better than me, allowing a woman to call him at 2am and planning to meet her for sex (I stopped him for religious reasons.) Him telling me shut up in my face because I defended myself as to why I hadn't had a chance to fix his tie on Easter day (so he told me you need to just shut up and do what you are doing). And I told him, "I will not have a man tell me shut up like that, you can get out my house." He gets mad at the smallest things. As I said, I can be forgetful, but it isn't to the point that I deserve harsh words and screaming in my face and making me feel I am nothing compared to him.

 

But he said he loved me. I changed his life he said...helped him to stay out of trouble. I always supported him, not just in money, but I always rooted him on...I want him to succeed. We had our good times, we prayed together, went to church together, and had fun. I did really love him. I am disappointed. But he just didn't get me or what love really is. And maybe I didn't get him either and the kind of love he was trying to give me.

 

What do you all think?

[ForeverHopeful1]

It sounds like he is an abusive douche bag. Entitled, also comes to mind. Where does he get off demanding these things from another human being while treating you like a personal punching bag?!?!?!?!? What the hell.

 

Why are you paying for all of these things for him when he has a job? You sound like a Sugar Mama with all of the things you listed off and what you said you have paid for, for him.

 

He is an ungrateful child. He is abusive. He is manipulative. He is rude. He is mean. He is aggressive. He is a liar. He is also a cheater.

 

This "boy" is not a man and you should wake up and realize he doesnt deserve to be put up on a pedestal. He did nothing for you, while you did EVERYTHING for him. He is a user!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

One question.... why would a man like this change? You have given him no reason to change. He even dumped you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!

 

You have shown him you are willing to put up with all of it, and even after he is done doing this to you, you pay for his groceries, hospital bills, medicine, soccer cleats (x2,) phone credit, extra money every time you met up with him, food while out and about, transportation and his RENT. ?!?!?!?!? Youre probably begging him for another chance too, arent you?

 

When he said I love you, he lied straight to your face.

[Chi townD]

Oh, screw this douche rocket! You don't owe him a DAMN thing! And blaming you as a THREAT to his future career?!?!? Really? Because you didn't give him $80 bucks? Ummm. no. The only person that a threat to his career is himself for being a second rate footballer on a second rate division 2 team. How about learning to play better instead of pointing fingers at everyone else you asshat!

 

Sorry, this douche rocket got me spun up.

 

Look, you don't need to be used like this and he's pretty much proved to you that he's using you. You buy him his meals, buy him his cleats, buy him minutes for his phone plan, give him money for transportation. What has he REALLY given you in return? Nothing but a lot of blaming.

 

You deserve a guy that's going to treat you right. Treat you with respect and treat you like a gentleman should. A guy that thinks the concept of a girl paying for anything is foreign to him. A guy that wants to be with you rather than NEEDS to be with you. Big difference there. And I swear to you, there are those types of guys out there. You just have to find them.

 

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

[fancy feast]

Weak, abusive tool who doesn't deserve an ounce of your respect. I realize you may be hurting right now, but I hope you'll look back and realize how much better off you are.

[lonewalker]

Seriously... why r u still hurt? U should be grateful u are out of this mess.

[Egychick]

His team hasn't paid him like they were supposed to for months. It's very sad. I'm not defending his actions towards me, but he is in a messed up situation. So that's why I tried to help as much as I could.

[Egychick]

I'm not begging for him back. After too long of a period of reflection and finding strength within myself, I finally said I am done with it also. I am through, I don't want to go back. I finally see the light...it took a long time, but I finally see it....

[Chi townD]

Look, I understand that you cared and probably loved the dude. And If I had you as a girlfriend, I would be extremely humbled by your generosity and your willingness to help me out in a tough situation. But the way he treated your kindness as if you were OBLIGATED to take care of him monetarily was just wrong. You didn't owe him crap. That was the life he chose to live and you don't have to screw around with your budget because of it.

 

And then what happened? Treated you like a second hand citizen and threw you under the bus. I'll tell you what. He's going to contact you again REALLY soon. He's going to discover that a lot of girls won't put up with his crap, won't be talked to in the manner that he does and they won't pay his way through life. He's going to try an come crawling back to you. Pray for strenght and IGNORE HIM!!! He had his chance and he blew it! BADLY!!

 

I promise you that there are better men out there for you.

[Cassandra321]

That sounds awful. He should be thankful for what you did to him in spite of all the headache and pain he gave you. For some obvious reasons, he's been sticking with you because you provide him 'all' he needed and when you give it to him, he'll just scream and yell at you.

 

Well, let's go down to business. You've been very patient on him and I believe that is because God resides in your heart. I just don't know if you're sticking with him because you love him or just out of pity. Only you can answer that. I don't want to be judgmental about him using you or you being with him out of pity, but I just want to raise the idea of praying for the highest wisdom of what best action for your relationship. Everything has its own reason and you just have to cling to His promises that He will not leave you alone with this. For the meantime, while trying to figure things out between the two of you, kindly stop giving him the things he can possibly provide for himself. It's not you being selfish but it's letting him realize that as the man, he should at least do the extra mile and you are not obliged to do those things for him. However, be more patient with him. He might be experiencing something that is out of your relationship that's why he's behaving like that. I'll be praying for the both of you, dear. God bless!

[Egychick]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone, and thanks for your prayers Cassandra. I don't want to go back to that relationship. He has issues he has to deal with, but I cannot put myself through any more getting beat up upon. It was taking a toll on my health, my mood, and my spirit. I can't go through it anymore. He has to sort out his issues on his own...and I have to get my self esteem back and figure out who I am and what is best for ME.

[Cassandra321]

That's the spirit girl! Pick yourself up and move forward. God be with you. As to your ex, you might as well continue to pray for him that even you're already separated, may he find what's best for him and what will bring glory to God. Blessings!