Seductive Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Does it hurt you in dating or do you prefer to be that way? I'm trying to be open-minded right now and accepting dates from various types of guys to see if the attraction develops. The look that I'm the most sexually attracted to isn't very common. If I do find a man that I'm physically attracted to, he isn't compatible with me personality-wise. For instance, one man was a handsome 35 year old that struggled with getting a job and even a place to live. I feel like the option is to step outside of my comfort zone. So far, the dates I've been on haven't been giving me a connection. I don't know whether I should just keep dating different types of people to feel it out, or wait for the type that I'm the most attracted to?
LilySun Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 It's okay to have a "type" and be picky...but for the purpose of dating, doesn't hurt to go outside the box a little. In fact, you can do that and keep at it with your own type, too. I say keep trying, you just never know.
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Depends on what you mean by attracted for sex only or for relationship. There are very few men I'd fancy a relationship with, more often than not I meet someone I find physically attractive and I find out that he has passive-aggressive traits or has addiction issues or can't keep his penis in his pants. Finding him takes as long as it takes. I do my own thing, keep talking to guys and hopefully will meet one with long term potential in the not too distant future. 3
carhill Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm 'picky' in that my attraction style demands some 'get to know' before the 'hmm, this one's different' switch gets flipped, flying in the face of both the competitive dynamics of my demographic and the general 'knows within ten seconds' style of the females within it, so 'pickiness' in this sense is somewhat inhibiting to having successful relations, mainly because there are a lot of 'misses' due to incompatible styles. 3
KatZee Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am. Call me shallow but I need to be physically attracted to someone in order to pursue a romantic relationship. I've been single for a year now, I def want to get back out there but I literally find NO ONE attractive.
sweetkiwi Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I am attracted to all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons. Just happens. What is within my control is choosing to act on the attraction or not.
sillyanswer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Does it hurt you in dating or do you prefer to be that way? I think I'm very picky. It only hurts my dating in the sense that I could have more dates if I was less picky, but I don't really need to have dates with people I'm not attracted to so I think I prefer things the way they are.
will1988 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Anything with a pulse and a vagina for me! JK For me I have to physically and emotionally attracted to the person, and they have to have a good personality. Outside of that I generally don't have a type. Although, I love Southern girls and Eastern European women, as an aside.
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Nothing wrong with having a physical preference. In my age group, late-30s to 50, it can be a little difficult finding ladies who are still physically active, athletic. I am still looking for someone who would be interested in running, hiking, getting outdoors and remain physical. It's a lifestyle. I won't compromise on that. But, I've learned that so-called average woman are just as desirable and I learned that the right way. I am being to simply let things happen as they say. Not by sitting back, rather, allowing myself the liberty and freedom to be attracted w/o a short list of requirements meddling in. Heck, it wasn't too long ago that I wouldn't look at average women. That's no longer true. No interest in women above 45 (and I'm 44!) and now open to women to 50. I don't think you need to compromise your core preferences, simply allow them to be a little more encompassing.
TheGuard13 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 There are too many attractive qualities in the world for me to be picky.
normal person Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm incredibly picky. I have very little doubt about the kinds of girls I'm after and the few times I've settled have been mistakes that I've learned from. The downside is that there are very few girls out there who tick all the boxes and pique my interest, however when I do find one it's like a jackpot. I have friends who don't put much effort into their screening processes and they end up in relationships that go nowhere; what a waste. That's time they could have spent searching or being available for the right person. Conversely, I think even the pickiest of us will have to settle at least a little bit. I think it's just a question of how much of an incongruence between your ideal partner and reality you can tolerate.
apple OR orange Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 i think it depends on how easy it is for you to find a date, if you get loads, you can be picky, if you get 1 a year, being picky will mean no sex and single. 2
joystickd Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 My only thing is I don't date my own race. I have had too many harsh rejections and very horrible experiences. I'm not angry about it and one of these guys that say I don't date them because and have a whole list of what's wrong with them. Plus over time with all that happened I really don't have any type of attraction to them. I mean I look at them in porn and I don't get an erection. 1
BoneyHadger Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 How do you pick, who you are attracted to? Never thought it can be controlled that well. Please teach me 1
El Brujo Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 The flipside to my pickiness is, I know what I like. i think it depends on how easy it is for you to find a date, if you get loads, you can be picky, if you get 1 a year, being picky will mean no sex and single. *ahem* It may sound unfashionable, but to some of us, sex isn't the be-all-end-all. 1
Author Seductive Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) When I talk about attraction, I'm referring to you wanting to get intimate with them. A relationship/marriage is a friendship if there's no sexual desire, IMO. It's not just looks, but personality can trigger sexual attraction as well. You may find someone very good-looking, but their personality may turn you off sexually. I would say I'm most physically attracted to men that are tall with a slim to medium build, thick dark hair, and a long/oval face. Think of Adam Levine, even though I don't expect my future man to look like a celebrity. I get a lot of date offers and compliments, but the majority of men that ask me out don't look like my type . JoystickD-I was initially keeping a distance from my race as well (bad experiences), but am thinking about going back to them. My friends are now telling me that white men are very scared of brown women, and would prefer to stick with white women. Edited May 8, 2013 by Seductive
dchin1985 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I don't know if this is just me or you have the same problem too. Those women that I am attracted to physically, emotionally and be able to communicate with me on all levels have problems of their own, they seemed to work but **** always happen. But those that I am not attracted to (either level) have high interest in me and would try to make me drunk. It is really starting to annoy me and i am feeling hopeless! I am sure i am not bad at all. Good looking, have a great job, have a masculine personality and loyal, but god damn finding a right women to settle with is very difficult. In fact, sometime i think god is playing with me. What i am looking for in a women?? Anyone? Fun personality, she can be a little girl yet a women at the same timePhyscially attractive to meCommunicate with me wellIn between dependent and totally independentAnd willing to share a lifeThats all?? Alot to ask for??
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I'm picky...but I don't have many things that I look for in a girl: 1) Hot 2) Smart 3) Not promiscuous Despite the fact that this is only 3 things, it is EXTREMELY rare to find all of these in a woman. My current gf appears to fit the mold.
tbf Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 When single, my laundry list could be rolled out like a carpet. Luckily, I met my husband who meets everything and more. So my advice to people is, do not settle! 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 When single, my laundry list could be rolled out like a carpet. Luckily, I met my husband who meets everything and more. So my advice to people is, do not settle! Some people have to settle. Not every guy will get the really hot, smart, kind, faithful girl. And not every girl will get the tall, good-looking, alpha guy with a lot of money.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 How do you pick, who you are attracted to? Never thought it can be controlled that well. Please teach me Everything is a function of your own attractiveness. I don't mind people so much being picky, but saying they can't control what they are attracted to is total bull. Most people base what they are attracted to based on what they can get. If a pretty woman who swoons over tall handsome guys was horribly burned in the face, then would she still continue to go after only tall, handsome men? Not unless she wanted to be alone for the rest of her life. She'd actually probably kill herself instead. That's how important looks are. 1
BoneyHadger Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) Everything is a function of your own attractiveness. I don't mind people so much being picky, but saying they can't control what they are attracted to is total bull. Most people base what they are attracted to based on what they can get. If a pretty woman who swoons over tall handsome guys was horribly burned in the face, then would she still continue to go after only tall, handsome men? Not unless she wanted to be alone for the rest of her life. She'd actually probably kill herself instead. That's how important looks are. ^Complete bollocks. In high school I've been very attracted to a girl who was visibly overweight and her skin was far from perfect. Have never thought I'd be, yet she knew how to work me up and act flirty. A few years later I've met other one, who was much prettier, yet didn't quite got me as hot and bothered as that "visibly overweight" one. And your "I couldn't get her" part doesn't stand either - in fact at some point she was explicitly telling me to kiss her, a part I had some problems with due to well, mix of being shy and not all that much attracted, even though she was quite pretty. Edited May 8, 2013 by BoneyHadger 1
Emilia Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 ^Complete bollocks. In high school I've been very attracted to a girl who was visibly overweight and her skin was far from perfect. Have never thought I'd be, yet she knew how to work me up and act flirty. A few years later I've met other one, who was much prettier, yet didn't quite got me as hot and bothered as that "visibly overweight" one. And your "I couldn't get her" part doesn't stand either - in fact at some point she was explicitly telling me to kiss her, a part I had some problems with due to well, mix of being shy and not all that much attracted, even though she was quite pretty. Some people just hook you. That's often the hottest type of attraction. 1
crederer Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Attraction is important to a degree, but I'm not holding out for the hottest girl in the city. I have a type in terms of looks that I prefer, but a lot of times I deviate from that because it really isn't all that important to me.
Recommended Posts