Empty Heart Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, 2 months post BU....10 yr RS. He wanted out and told me that although he loves me, he's not 'in love'...you know the score. Well in the weeks leading up to moving out and the few weeks post moving, I was so busy organising that I appeared to be doing 'okay'. Two months in I am feeling worse, much worse. I am anxious, can't sleep, can't eat and I'm now being sick, with waves of panic that send me that way. Not a panic attack as such but a rising stress feeling that sees me running to the loo. With a empty tummy because I don't eat, it's not very nice. I'm taking supplements to help with stress as I don't want to go to doc and be put on medication and don't want to self medicate with alcohol. I read posts on here that say people are still struggling a year down the line and that sends me into more panic. I can't do this for another day, yet alone years. Any advice? I talk myself into clarity and then within a few minutes I'm back to square one. I hate this, I am so miserable. I miss him. Why oh why do we allow this to happen post BU? Edited May 7, 2013 by Empty Heart
maturityassets Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 This is very normal. I recently got dumped by my first love and my anxiety was very bad. She even made me jealous (and I was never the jealous type in our relationship) and played with my heart when I went to pick up the last of my things, to see if a spark will once again emerge (mainly because all her friends and family were calling her an "idiot" for leaving me). Regardless I couldn't sleep for weeks and haven't been able to get a thing done for college. Of course things keep piling up, my bestfriend is suicidal while he is away, death in the family, grandfather's health quickly deteriorating. The main culprit though is my ex leaving me. She made me happy and she help coped with my anxiety. I haven't slept, had acid reflex, and I'm just tired. You need to do things for yourself though. I suffer from anxiety, so instead of my ex being my coping method by talking to her the end of our day on the phone, I need to use relaxation techniques and started to work out more often. Its hard but you must become self dependent once again. I am dating but I try not to use this girl as my coping method, I instead just view her as someone who I could potentially have something with once I am ready. 1
Author Empty Heart Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Thanks for your reply. As much as I don't want others to suffer as I am, it helps to know I'm not losing the plot completely!! It's such a horrid place to be in but you're right, keeping busy is key and I've also joined an on-line meditation program. Haven't attempted it yet as my mind is all over the place (good enough reason to do it but I can't concentrate!) but intend to start asap. I am trying to tell myself 'I WILL GET THROUGH THIS' and look at positives and also that it could be worse (I saw the news yesterday and something so terrible happened it put my situation into perspective)....but it still hurts like hell. As if being dumped isn't enough, we (the dumpee) suffer the most pain! That's plain unfair!! 1
maturityassets Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 We do suffer the most. Especially if the dumper is immature or was just plainly an important part of your life that you can't fathom them leaving. Just don't let it get to you. I reacted badly when my ex tried to make me jealous, that I called up her best friend (also my mutual friend) to see what she was telling me was true because I couldn't believe it, that she would toy with my heart. In the end the best friend didn't even know anything and my ex ended out finding out not through me or the best friend but through another friend that the best friend told. She was furious at me, said that whatever sliver of hope that she had she would come back to me when she matured died that night when she found out. It hurt hearing this, but at least I don't have to wonder if she will come back. I think that is also important, don't be pre-occupied whether there is a future between you two. Some part of you my hope for that but that hope will eat you alive. You don't need this significant other to be happy, you need yourself. Eventually you will be even happier when someone comes along and appreciates you for being yourself.
Recommended Posts