Mundy Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Hello all, Can someone offer me advice please. I was dating this girl, and about six months ago we broke up. She said that she was scared to get into a serious relationship as she was still in College and did not want to get tied down. That was the reason. My problem is that when we are together there is a serious amount of chemistry between us. We chat and chat, we never stop talking to each other. We are so comfortable with each other. We still talk now. Often we go out together to the movies or for walks. She was away for about 3 months and came home about 8 weeks ago. I have said i wanted to date her again and she said that nothing had changed. She said that she has strong feelings for me but that is not enough. It is like there is a wall in front of her stopping her from being with me. It is her mindest that is stopping her. I know that is the only thing. Anyway the last 4 weeks we starting being in contact again and we have ended up together 3 - 4 times now. Once we ended up back in mine in the same bed but nothing happened just kissing and hugging. When she kissed me and hugs me i know she really wants to. She is quite a reserved person and never shows emotions but when we have been with each other the past few weeks i can feel her showing some emotions with big hugs and kissed and not friendly ones. Anyway my question is. Do i forget about her and accept she wont change her mind and get back with me. DO i hang in there and be patient with her. I feel if i do the reward will be huge as she is the one for me. She is a great girl and is not using me or tagging me along. SHe is not that type of girl at all. SHe is wonderful and honest....too honest ! Thanks for taking the time to read this, i hope you can help
mighty bop Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 I can relate because I am sort of in the same situation. Check out my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47649/ Anyways, I basically see this girl every weekend. She comes up from her city, which is an hour away. She calls and emails me every day, so I know she likes me a lot. I do too but I never call her or initiate emails anymore, it's all her. I'm just playing by her rules. Anyways, I would like her to be my girl (haven't asked her) but she said she wants to remain single for some reason or another. I guess it's because she just got out of a 5-year with someone and always felt tied down, etc. Then she was free for awhile, then met me. She felt it was gonna get serious so that's why she wanted to remain single. But we are still dating. She just doesn't want to commit to anything right now. We are actually supposed to talk about all this when she comes over today so it should be interesting. If I were you I would do the same thing as me. Don't call, IM or email her. If you have told her how you feel then stop there. It's up to her, the ball is in her court, etc. You'll only be hurting yourself if you try too hard for something that might not happen. Just act as if you are indifferent to everything right now. Pretty soon she will start leaning one way or the other and then you will know what to do. Chris
Scott S Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 It appears to be as you observe it to be. She either isn't ready for the serioius relationship that you seek, or that she doesn't envision being in such a relationship with you. This is a decision each makes for him or herself. Unfortunately, there is nothing that anyone can do to make someone want a relationship. At least you know she isn't using you or stringing you along. She's being honest & forthright about it, & she deserves a lot of credit for that. Let it go. Cultivate other friendships. See what they blossom into. Trying to push yourself on someone never works.
Mundy Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Thanks guys for the replies, today is the first day on a long road for me. I am going to try and not contact her and leave that up to her. Maybe if she has space and realise that i am not there all the time she might just change her mind. Who knows ? The main thing is i have to get my head right about it and move on i think. When i say move on i mean move myself on. Try and get out of the current way of thinking that i am in as it feels like torture as i think about her a lot and just feel empty without her. She knows exactly how i feel so as you say "the ball is in her court" ! Thanks
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