Overseas Trip 1.5 mths After My Breakup

[Leigh 87]

I travel through Scandinavia and Russia in a month and a half - ish.

 

Are there hopes that, if I do the right things to move on; that I will be able to enjoy my trip and not cry loudly every 5 minutes?

 

I am going no contact even though he wants to talk.

 

100% no contact.

 

Will the fact that I am living my life as though we are over and will never be together again, going to help me be ready for my trip?

 

Will I be much better in a month?

 

My ex left me and I am finding it hard to accept the end of.. We were together almost three years. We were everything to each other.

[Leigh 87]

I am not expecting to be over him, and I am sure I will cry once with a new friend I make on my tour....

 

I do want to deal with it optimally now though, in the hope that no contact will allow me to at least accept that yes he could be with other people, and yes I will be okay and enjoy my life. Without him.

[LoveB86]

Only you will know that answer. I was cheated on and left for someone else a month ago. I'm vacationing in Hawaii in 3 months. Sucks to even imagine enjoying a trip like that after being cheated on and dumped.

 

Make the best outta your trip and just remember to put yourself first. If you don't, then who will?

 

BTW, I am sorry you're going thru this. It's just so hard to cope with, but know, this is your time now. You no longer have to share with someone who is undecisive and wishy washy.

[Leigh 87]

Only you will know that answer. I was cheated on and left for someone else a month ago. I'm vacationing in Hawaii in 3 months. Sucks to even imagine enjoying a trip like that after being cheated on and dumped.

 

Make the best outta your trip and just remember to put yourself first. If you don't, then who will?

 

BTW, I am sorry you're going thru this. It's just so hard to cope with, but know, this is your time now. You no longer have to share with someone who is undecisive and wishy washy.

 

 

Thanks so much. He was not wishy washy - he lived his life as though it revolved around me. I knew he adored me.

 

I hope I can enjoy my trip without crying every 10 seconds...

 

No contact will lead to the best outcome.

[AlexDP]

Thanks so much. He was not wishy washy - he lived his life as though it revolved around me. I knew he adored me.

 

I hope I can enjoy my trip without crying every 10 seconds...

 

No contact will lead to the best outcome.

 

 

You have to stop convincing yourself. He left you.

[Els]

I think it's a good thing that you have this trip, honestly. Hopefully with the excitement of new places and new people, you'll be able to heal and learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a partner. You'll meet a lot of new guys on the trip, too. I mean, Scandinavian dudes? Mmm.

 

I read a blog today, about a young woman who intends to travel alone for a year. I know there are plenty of others out there, but hers is the only one I recall at the moment. Maybe you'll find some inspiration from it. http://www.earth2eartha.com/

[Leigh 87]

You have to stop convincing yourself. He left you.

 

 

What would you know about how he felt for me? You never believed he adored me. Which is not true.

 

As if I would believe what you think, about a guy you don't know.

[Simon Phoenix]

What would you know about how he felt for me? You never believed he adored me. Which is not true.

 

As if I would believe what you think, about a guy you don't know.

 

At one time I'm sure he did, but right now focusing on that doesn't really help you out at all.

[KatZee]

I went nc immediately after being dumped. Still took longer than a month and a half. You may be past the sadness at that point but you very well may be thrust into the anger phase. That's about when mine hit and that lasted 3 months or so.

[AlexDP]

What would you know about how he felt for me? You never believed he adored me. Which is not true.

 

As if I would believe what you think, about a guy you don't know.

 

You really show someone you adore them by dumping them?

[Star Gazer]

We were together almost three years. We were everything to each other.

 

No, it wasn't almost 3 years. In late March 2011 you first posted about him, saying you'd been seeing him casually for a month. He didn't even become your exclusive, non-open relationship BF for quite some time after that...if ever.

 

Yes, you will be fine. Maybe not in a month, but you will be.

 

However, the first step is seeing this relationship for what it really was. You can do better, and you will do better. It just takes time.

 

Is he moving out, or are you moving out? You can't continue living together while broken up, that's not healthy.

[Star Gazer]

He was not wishy washy - he lived his life as though it revolved around me. I knew he adored me.

 

Once you're able to do so, I suggest you go through your threads about him, one by one, and read them as though someone else posted them. An open relationship. Sleeping with hookers while with you. That's not a man who's life revolves around you, that's not a man who adores you.

 

You deserve much better than what you got with him, Leigh. I know you don't think so now, but you do.

[carhill]

Will the fact that I am living my life as though we are over and will never be together again, going to help me be ready for my trip?

 

IMO, the 'openness' from experiencing new and different places and being out of one's comfort zone will assist in the 'moving on' process more than any 'preparation' you might do now, in relation to your breakup. If you focus on the trip, it's probable that thoughts of your exSO will fade over time. Yes, he will pop into your thoughts on occasion, and that's normal. Accept it as normal and then move on.

 

Will I be much better in a month?

 

Much better? Unknown. Living life? Yes. If anything, 'much better' may be a state of mind you reflect upon after returning from your trip and taking stock of how things have gone. I hope you have a good time.

[meeji]

I was seeing a guy and we broke up about 3 months before the trip we planned together. I went on the trip alone and I haven't spoken to him from the point I went no contact.

 

I just came back 2 weeks ago and I will say 1: The trip would have been very different if he was with me. I would have been so wrapped up in him that i wouldn't have experienced all the things I did abroad.

 

2: I went on 5 dates while I was overseas and it was a great time. I was not even thinking about my ex.

 

3. I realized how big the world really is and how one person shouldn't be able to ruin mine. I will say that I think I was over the breakup a month and a half before the trip but none-the-less, being abroad will hopefully be the breath of fresh air that you need to smack yourself in the face to get back to reality.

 

Everything is a sacrifice. I lost a relationship something will come along and that trade off will be well worth it.

 

Look to your future. You owe it to yourself Have fun on your trip!!

[Leigh 87]

Once you're able to do so, I suggest you go through your threads about him, one by one, and read them as though someone else posted them. An open relationship. Sleeping with hookers while with you. That's not a man who's life revolves around you, that's not a man who adores you.

 

You deserve much better than what you got with him, Leigh. I know you don't think so now, but you do.

 

 

I just though that not ALL Men in love, suddenly lose the ability to have meaningless sex. Especially if they were ONLY accustomed to meaningless sex before you?

 

I really do think he still adores me. As in - he loved every little thing about me, and really looked forward to how I was with him. He very much did adore me.

 

I just know.

 

I paint me to be of very little significance to him. I know him better than you.

 

I believe I deserve better though. But I do think he adored me.

 

Well he conducted his life around me? He planed his days based on me? He most looked forward to our plans?

 

He put me before his family and friends?

[Leigh 87]

I Know I have good things coming my way, because I am, by my own admission, a very nice person. Sorry if that sounds bad, but my parents, namely, my mother mostly, are EXTREMELY. Nice. People.

 

I was raised well. I know that there are or IS a guy out there, around me, within my proximity, who will completely fall for me in a way that maybe Andrew did not.

 

I still think Andrew loved me deeply, just not in the way a marriage needs perhaps.

 

.....................

 

 

ANOTHER ISSUE: I am not sure if I can casually hook up or if I need to wait for a serious thing.

 

I DO KNOW this; I always seam to be fine kissing and other things, but it is only ever sex that I save for someone special.

 

At the VERY LEAST - a person on the tour I go on would have to think pretty highly of me to even get a kiss out of me.

 

I have always been able to separate my sex life from my emotions.

 

And yes I still love Andrew like crazy. I can just see a happy life past him.

 

I am still mourning the loss of my life of the past TWO and a bit years then, star:mad:

 

 

I very much loved that way of life - in a big house with our dogs, hugging all the time, only wanting to hang out with each other rather than friends (albeit, friends were a once a week thing)

 

He is not a loser. He has friends, as do I now. He does not choose to hang out with a girl so often unless he really likes her and is very interested in her.

[KatZee]

A guy isn't going to marry a woman who treats him like crap on a daily basis. A guy isn't going to marry a woman who is a b.itch and who starts drama nightly. There is no, "he loved me deeply but maybe not enough to marry me." According to you, he had gotten a ring. Unfortunately he got sick of your behavior and left. A guy won't stay with someone who acts like you and most certainly won't marry that person no matter how deep their love is.

[Star Gazer]

I just though that not ALL Men in love, suddenly lose the ability to have meaningless sex. Especially if they were ONLY accustomed to meaningless sex before you?

 

I really do think he still adores me. As in - he loved every little thing about me, and really looked forward to how I was with him. He very much did adore me.

 

I just know.

 

I paint me to be of very little significance to him. I know him better than you.

 

I believe I deserve better though. But I do think he adored me.

 

Well he conducted his life around me? He planed his days based on me? He most looked forward to our plans?

 

He put me before his family and friends?

 

Fine. Assume that all to be true.

 

He doesn't feel that way anymore, and it's your fault.

Is that what you want to hear?

[AlexDP]

I Know I have good things coming my way, because I am, by my own admission, a very nice person.

 

You're really not. I'd advise EVERYONE, that is, every single soul on this planet, not to date you. You will make it a toxic relationship.

 

That is not my definition of nice. Not by any stretch of imagination. It is my idea of pure hell.

 

You might want to work on that.

[KatZee]

Not to mention, a "nice person" doesn't constantly instigate drama with the person they claim to love. They don't act bitchy for no reason other than being in a bad mood or something not going your way. A nice person doesn't continuously hurt the person they want to marry.

[AlexDP]

Not to mention, a "nice person" doesn't constantly instigate drama with the person they claim to love. They don't act bitchy for no reason other than being in a bad mood or something not going your way. A nice person doesn't continuously hurt the person they want to marry.

 

And a nice person, after doing all these things, certainly does not call herself nice (thereby implying that is, in fact, you and not her, because she is nice, who is such an awful person).

[William]

Since it appears the discussion has departed from the trip and getting over the breakup, we'll give it a timeout.