whatdreamsmaycome Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 So, I explained what happened in a previous thread. It wasn't working out with the guy I was dating, so I ended it. I did not want to be baited back into dating this guy because he had come off egotistical and bully-ish (refer to last thread). But when he asked to talk about it, I agreed (as a person who likes closure, I understand if a person needs it and will give it to them), however I wasn't really excited about talking to him because he has a tendency to intimidate people and make people think like they've done something wrong. He then sent me a snarky sarcastic comment via text which I ignored. Just now, he sent me an email stating he actually does not want to discuss it with me... and then went out to point out many flaws he saw in me, and how he can't imagine a relationship with a person like me working. Between his insults he managed to throw in a few compliments like how pretty I was... so it was just a weird confusing email with it ultimately sounding like he was breaking it off with me. Yes, I know it's confusing because I had already ended it several days prior. There's part of me that wants to reply to the email. But part of me knows that it wouldn't do anyone any good if I replied, and also that if he is trying to manipulate me, it would just be a way of kind of trapping me. I don't have any pride or ego issues (if he wants to think that he broke it off, that is 100% fine with me), but there are some things that he said about my character that I would want to address because they are false. But again, if it's just his way of manipulating me into replying, I don't want to fall for it. What do you think?
SJC2008 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Sounds like he's a control freak and is saving face for his own ego in acting like he'a ending it. I don't know if he's trying to manipulate you into a response but I learned from the last woman I dated you should never have to rack your brains trying to figure someone out. It's not easy to stop ruminating (if you are) bur it'll wear off... 1
todreaminblue Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 So, I explained what happened in a previous thread. It wasn't working out with the guy I was dating, so I ended it. I did not want to be baited back into dating this guy because he had come off egotistical and bully-ish (refer to last thread). But when he asked to talk about it, I agreed (as a person who likes closure, I understand if a person needs it and will give it to them), however I wasn't really excited about talking to him because he has a tendency to intimidate people and make people think like they've done something wrong. He then sent me a snarky sarcastic comment via text which I ignored. Just now, he sent me an email stating he actually does not want to discuss it with me... and then went out to point out many flaws he saw in me, and how he can't imagine a relationship with a person like me working. Between his insults he managed to throw in a few compliments like how pretty I was... so it was just a weird confusing email with it ultimately sounding like he was breaking it off with me. Yes, I know it's confusing because I had already ended it several days prior. There's part of me that wants to reply to the email. But part of me knows that it wouldn't do anyone any good if I replied, and also that if he is trying to manipulate me, it would just be a way of kind of trapping me. I don't have any pride or ego issues (if he wants to think that he broke it off, that is 100% fine with me), but there are some things that he said about my character that I would want to address because they are false. But again, if it's just his way of manipulating me into replying, I don't want to fall for it. What do you think? It is not important what he thinks abtou your character allow him to think what he will...you know the truth.......and it si hard not to address soemoen who puts you down and feeling a need to defend yourself...but if enough peopel put you down you come to realize that it isnt worth wasting precious valuable time addressing issues that are false.......dotn waste any more time on him if he intimidates or belittles you ....feel fro him...as in sympathy....because in his life...getting close to someone is something that will evade him until he addresses the issues he has ...they are not your issues...they are his..i have an ex who is this way ...i am still his friend.....he has major issues with me as a person.......but they are his issues and not mine...i feel sympathy for him ..He is a pretty lonely person... rise above what dreams may come.......hugs....deb 1
CC12 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Don't respond. He wanted closure, right? Well, let that be his closure. Complete silence is the best response. You don't need to communicate with anyone who hurls insults at you. If someone gets abusive with you, cut them out of your life. It's better to let these people deal with their issues by themselves. 3
ksinger Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I agree to not respond. He is mentally abusive... his making you feel bad, criticizing you, bringing you down, etc. is making him feel better. It's a major characteristic of a narcissist. And it WILL start to get to you..... Run! 1
Author whatdreamsmaycome Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 I don't want to reply, as I feel like maybe I should go ahead and "let him have the last word", and not fall into the trap of writing back and forth and possibly trapping me in a manipulative cycle.... however, I was just informed this morning that my department will be meeting with his on Friday morning! At these meetings, there will be 18 together in a meeting room, it will be impossible to avoid him. So part of me wants to write back just so there is no awkward tension. I'm actually fearing the meeting... he has a tendency to be loud, arrogant and obnoxious sometimes... also wondering what he might be telling others about me, as he talks a lot.
CC12 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 So part of me wants to write back just so there is no awkward tension. What do you mean, "write back just so there is no awkward tension?" Do you mean that you're thinking about smoothing things over with him? Why?! Don't do it. I'm actually fearing the meeting... he has a tendency to be loud, arrogant and obnoxious sometimes... also wondering what he might be telling others about me, as he talks a lot. If he acts inappropriately toward you during the meeting, politely excuse yourself and leave the room. Seriously. You can explain later to your bosses why you needed to leave. And if your ex's mouth causes you any problems at work, contact HR or management.
Recommended Posts