sincelush Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 My ex and I were together for 4 years before we broke up. It was mutually felt although he was the one to actually leave. I wasn't happy in the relationship but as soon as it was over I began to miss him. We were best friends turned into first loves. After the breakup we tried to remain friends. He used to call to console me on nights when I took the breakup too hard. We broke up in February and stayed friends up until recently. Two nights ago I found out that he had hooked up with one of his friends that he knew before we broke up. The idea devastated me. When we broke up he promised me he wanted to be alone so we can both grow individually. I believe him. I was so upset I called him to talk about it. We fought, cried, talked things through and came to the only conclusion that can happen; we had to break ties. No talking, no texting, no friendship. I told him I wouldn't contact him until he contacts me (that's my own safeguard so I won't break NC). He told me he wanted me to be happy, I told him I was scared he'd forget me. We both know there is energy and love left between us. If we stayed friends it would only hurt more. It's been a day since we've started no contact and I'm a mess. I feel like we broke up all over again. I cry at work, I cry at the gym, I cry at home. All I can think about is him hooking up with that girl. I deleted his number in my phone, took him off facebook and removed anything that reminds me of him. I don't know what else to do. I've now lost my first love, the only person I've been with my late adolescent and adult live AND my best friend. I've tried to get out of the house, be with other friends, try new things, workout, work on myself- everything under the sun. Nothing shakes the feelings of devastating loss. It was like this in February then when we settled into friendship it got better. Now I'm back at square one. I don't know what to do anymore.
LuckyLady13 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You're doing the right things by getting out of the house, being with friends, working out and working on yourself and even though these are the healthiest things you can do for yourself, it's not going to make you feel all sunshine and rainbows. But don't stop doing what you're doing. You're on the right track, even if it isn't making you feel better right at this moment. Time heals all wounds and if you stay in the direction you're going in right now, you'll be in such a good place when you start to heal. A lot of times the person who does the breaking up already has someone else in mind and I know the thought of that hurts but it's true and there are so many people in this world who survived what you're going through right now, came out the other side and will relate to how you feel. Stay full no contact with this guy (for obvious reasons) and keep moving forward. Fake it until you make it might be in order for you right now. One last thing. You don't want this guy back. You miss him and I understand that. But if he was kind of quick to move onto someone else, if you did get back together, could you trust him after this? 2
somelove18 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I know exactly what you are going through because I went through pretty much the same thing. Cutting off complete contact with him was a good idea. If you continued to contact him it would only make things worse and leave you wondering why you guys aren't together. You have to think about yourself. Don't worry about him he'll be fine. Focus on you. Of course the first few days are going to be tough but think about why you guys broke up and how you can better your life. Don't reminisce on the good times think about the annoying things he did and what you didn't like in that relationship. Then think about what type of relationship you will be happy in. Trust me it helps. Its only the beginning so of course it going to hurt. Its still a fresh wound. You just need some time. After a few weeks you will find that he's not even going to be on your mind as much. Just do not contact him. You need time to heal first before you can even talk to him again. 1
Author sincelush Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Thank you for the kind words. It's just a big struggle right now because we did have a good relationship and it ended on kind terms. He isn't with the girl he hooked up with, but it hurts just as much. You're right though, if he showed up on my doorstep tomorrow I wouldn't trust him. I'd be scared he'd leave again. It's just hard to push the idea that we aren't getting back together in due time out.
Recommended Posts