Meaning Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Hello Friends! I have been told by numerous boyfriends that they are attracted to me for my independent attitude and self-confidence. While I am good-looking or "adorable and sexy" as they say, intelligent, funny, stylish and creative, I am also traditional. But somehow I don't attract guys that want to woo me in a traditional way. In fact, the latest guy I am dating told me flat-out that he wanted me to do the pursuing, and that he loved/ got off on the fact that I am strong and brave enough to do it. It lights him up. While he takes me on nice dates and pays, and is very nice, engaged and interested when we are together, he waits for me to call to set-up dates. He always says yes and goes out of his way to join me and my friends, and to engage with them but he never randomly calls me or texts. He says he likes that he knows I want to spend time with him because I am the one initiating it. While we spend as much time talking, laughing and having deep conversations as we do having sex, we have ALOT of sex. He wants to have sex all night with me and all day. The sex is incredible and I get the impression that he doesn't get hot chicks often. However because he doesn't 'pursue' me by calling I often leave feeling kind of confused and used. I'm afraid no deep feelings of love can come of this relationship because the traditional attraction principles of 'let the man chase you' aren't being used. Can a man love a woman he is not chasing? My friend's all say he is dorky and not as hot as me, and sometimes he is super nervous on our dates. His voice gets all squeaky and his palms get sweaty. I can't tell if he has no idea what he is doing dating, or if he knows exactly what to do to get in my skirt. Blah blah blah. Thanks for your help!
Roadkill007 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 doesn't it just mean he doesn't have the guts to initiate? I dunno, while I'm also the dorky type, I feel more awkward if I'm not initiating the majority of the time. Either way though, if that's how you feel, I think you need to communicate that you don't feel wanted by him. Relationships can't be all one-sided, and while he's getting all he wants from it, you aren't, and you need to make that clear.
OpenBook Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Let me guess... he's a mama's boy. If that's the case, run!!
FitChick Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Since you've been dating a while and obviously get along, tell him that you want him to share equally in making contact and setting up dates. Ask if he believes a couple should be equal partners. He sounds lazy.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Well first, let me blah your blah blah. Now that that's out of the way what's at issue is ego. That is not a put-down, it's just a fact. He apparently gets a big ego boost by you initiating. But you have an ego too and it's not being stroked properly. There is a balance and I think you should talk to him about it in those terms. When I lived alone and was sick it meant everything for someone to call me--my own family, anyone. But the calls rarely came. I was told to call them. That didn't give me what I wanted and needed. I wanted and needed to know that someone cared about me. Everyone needs some sense that they matter. Your b/f is caught up in getting ego strokes while giving none (except showing he loves balling your brains out). Educate him.
MissBee Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Even if he let you initiate initially, after seeing each other for a while, shouldn't it be more equal? I'm more traditional myself and prefer for a man to take the lead in pursuing; however, once we're a bit established, certainly if we're having sex, it becomes more equal where we both initiate meeting up, going out, etc. If I truly liked a man I would never allow him to always be the one initiating so if a man supposedly likes me but never initiates...nope...wouldn't work for me personally. That is very weird. If you say he "never gets hot girls" maybe this is an ego boost for him, where he gets off on feeling like he has you chasing him In any case I'm not into mind games. I want someone genuinely interested who will call and initiate and show they value me and not where I'm always worried and guessing about their feelings because they never contact me first. That's a one way street and gets old really fast!
Divasu Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 So you, as the woman, are pursuing him in terms of spending time together? Has he ever once indicated, he'd like to spend time with you? Who initiated the sex? Who initiates convos regarding the two of you?
Recommended Posts