vega4 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I would really like some feedback, am in a hard emotional place... My (ex)fiance and I were together for 5 years. He has a son (7) that I have helped with since he was 2 (love this child!) We dated for 3 years and had been engaged for 2. We both were happy with the long engagement because of financial difficulties and i didn't just want to "go down to the courthouse" We also experienced A LOT of stressors in the past year due to the fact that we found out that his sons mother was abusing him (CPS involved) and having to go to court to revoke her rights... Basically, we hadn't been sleeping together for 3 months plus. I discovered text and calls on his phone, he first denied that he was having an affair but as I questioned him more, more "came out." He said he wanted to be with me...he would end it, etc...we went to 3 therapy sessions then stopped because I felt better (stupid). About a month later, I discovered that he was still talking to her/sleeping with her. I immediately changed the locks and him and his son got an apartment . He says he 'relapsed' because they work together and she would always put herself in a position to be around him and was unrelenting.. Now he has promised me that he no longer speaks to her (I believe him bc she has sent me nasty text messages), has been going to therapy on his own for a few months, he has taken me on dates and is very direct to me that he wants to be with only me... There are definitely NO plans for him to move back in, in the near future, but am I kidding myself to believe him? I miss my family and my life with him but I don't want to be betrayed again...
LoveBitesButSoDoI Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 He will probably do it again, if not with her, with another OW. Some men are just serial cheaters & other men have no boundaries. Some men can stay faithful for years and then one day an opportunity arises & they take it. And there are men out there who do change, but it's rare. I definitely would NOT marry this man already knowing his past behaviors.
ComingInHot Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Vega4, A couple of Key Words/phrases for you to really stare at: you wrote: "discovered" "denied" "affair" "sleeping with her" "relapsed" "work together" "put herself in a position to be around him" "nasty text messages" "betrayed again" And you two are not even M yet. I am truly glad you are both going to counseling. Stay on this path and maybe in another 2-5 years you will have a clearer picture of whether you want to invest the rest of your life in this guy. He could turn out fabulous, who knows. The advice though (for me) is coming from a place where I was already M with 2 small children when I learned my H committed adultery. I think with the years and children and assets already invested, I decided to allow him back to work on R. So when I read You are not M with children (save his 7 yr old son who is without a doubt a treasure to you*) or many mutual assets, my gut reaction is to tell you to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE & FUTURE!!!!!!! I just picture you still having many available, wonderful adventures in the relationship department with a man/men who may Not ever cheat on you, then lie about it, then deny it, then keep doing it, then straighten up because You caught them a second time. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and deserve to be treated that way*
96nole Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm calling bullsh*t on this guy. He "relapsed" because the OW was near. Oh baloney! He did it because he wanted to. Not because she pressured him. I don't care how near or unrelenting the OW was. All he had to say was NO. It's a real easy word, just 2 letters. N O. If he did it this easy now, he'll do it again. Yes, there are chances he won't. But I would recommend not taking that chance. If you were already married with shared assets, maybe it would be worth trying again. But you're not married and you can walk away. If you decide to stay with him, DO NOT get married. He may want to expedite a wedding to "prove" to you that you are the only one he wants. Don't fall for it. 2
affairaddict Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I had an enotional affair with an engaged man turned physical at the end of a year one time I add. She got suspicious and he stopped talking to me for a week. Said we were just colleagues. He resumed seeing me After a week. I left on two occasions since as I said it was wrong but both times we were back talking and seeing each other on the sly. We have finished it now but it was me who said enoughalready 12 days ago. But my point is these emotional affairs are addictive. The husbands are like addicts. It doesn't matter if they love their partners they crave the OW I've seen it with my own eyes. These men need their ego stroked and I firmly believe that they either cheat or they don't. I would not marry him as he is weak willed and he's addicted to this affair I'm sure. I regret it and I feel disgusted in myself but its over and I must move on. Good luck with what you decide 1
BeholdtheMan Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 He will probably do it again, if not with her, with another OW. Some men are just serial cheaters & other men have no boundaries. Some men can stay faithful for years and then one day an opportunity arises & they take it. And there are men out there who do change, but it's rare. I definitely would NOT marry this man already knowing his past behaviors.Sound advice right here TS, take heed
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