charlie88 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 So my girlfriend broke up with me a few hours ago. The story is that, though the relationship has been good, in terms of sex it hasn't. She was raped a few years ago and it was traumatic in the sense that now she is very awkward and doesn't really enjoy sex as much as she used to. I had tried to be patient and even urged her to see a therapist about it, but I think she could tell I was a little frustrated. So today she went to see her old therapist who, according to her, told her she needed to be single and work on this on her own. She told me this and then broke down crying, telling me that she loved me, that it was just temporary until she got herself together. She even told me to keep the key to her apartment so i could come play with her kitten thats gotten really attached to me and we agreed to still hang out, albeit maybe less and obviously under less romantic pretenses. So, I got a little teary-eyed (didn't cry) and agreed to this. I'm still very sad and not sure what to do or think. Anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences with this stuff?
316 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 So today she went to see her old therapist who, according to her, told her she needed to be single and work on this on her own. She told me this and then broke down crying, telling me that she loved me, that it was just temporary until she got herself together. So she pretty much wants to get the chance to screw other guys while leaving you on a string... Why did you agree to this?
Author charlie88 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) I don't think she is going to be seeing other guys. She is avoiding sex in general... Edit* I'm not a jealous guy, I honestly think I'm the one thats more likely to screw around now that I'm single than she is (although I'd rather just be with her) Edited May 7, 2013 by charlie88
316 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Of course she will eventually be seeing other guys; that's what people do after they break up with their significant others. She may not be having sex but she'll definitely be flirting with other guys. If she still wanted to be with you why has she decided to be single? And trust me bro she didn't suddenly have a revelation after her visit with her therapist... She has been contemplating breaking up with you for quite a while now. You need to take this as a real breakup and go NC.
Author charlie88 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Of course she will eventually be seeing other guys; that's what people do after they break up with their significant others. She may not be having sex but she'll definitely be flirting with other guys. If she still wanted to be with you why has she decided to be single? And trust me bro she didn't suddenly have a revelation after her visit with her therapist... She has been contemplating breaking up with you for quite a while now. You need to take this as a real breakup and go NC. I've been through break ups before. I don't think I need NC honestly, I'm not sitting at home dying over this. Plus, this whole is or isn't she going to flirt with other guys doesn't bother me, I'm not possessive. It's lying that hurts me in a relationship. I'm just bothered by it. She did genuinely seem sad and even started making out with me after breaking up (but I stopped it before it went further). Why would she give her now "ex" a key to her apartment? It doesn't make sense right?
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Just make sure she understands that this goes both ways. If she wants to break it off, that's her call, whatever the reasons may be. However, you don't need to just wait around for her to become "ready" to get back together with you. If she wants or needs to be alone, give her that space, and live your life without her. From reading this, it doesn't seem as though you are that attached to her anyway, so maybe this will be easiest for you. On a side note, what kind of therapist recommends that a patient break it off with a spouse who's done nothing wrong, and encourages them to deal with heavy post-traumatic stress alone, without surrounding themselves with people they can trust? That honestly makes no sense to me. 1
Author charlie88 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 On a side note, what kind of therapist recommends that a patient break it off with a spouse who's done nothing wrong, and encourages them to deal with heavy post-traumatic stress alone, without surrounding themselves with people they can trust? That honestly makes no sense to me. I might have contributed a little to her stress in that I was a little sexually frustrated with her... but yeah, thats my confusion too. Edit* I had told her I was sexually frustrated in the relationship.
316 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I've been through break ups before. I don't think I need NC honestly, I'm not sitting at home dying over this. Plus, this whole is or isn't she going to flirt with other guys doesn't bother me, I'm not possessive. It's lying that hurts me in a relationship. I'm just bothered by it. She did genuinely seem sad and even started making out with me after breaking up (but I stopped it before it went further). Why would she give her now "ex" a key to her apartment? It doesn't make sense right? No sense at all... She sounds very confused right now. If you're fine with the idea of her talking to other people then by all means maintain contact. At this point though I really wouldn't get my hopes up in terms of salvaging the relationship. Make sure you're looking out for yourself first!
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