Ophelia11 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I guess I'm already somewhat involved. We've started seeing each other about twice a week. We have not had sex yet, but I don't know how much longer we'll hold out. I'm contemplating it. He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. He's implied things in regards to a future between us, although it is still very early. I feel that I know it is likely trouble, but I keep going to him anyway. I've never dated a MM, and I actually left my husband for cheating. Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions?
Goodbye Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I guess I'm already somewhat involved. We've started seeing each other about twice a week. We have not had sex yet, but I don't know how much longer we'll hold out. I'm contemplating it. He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. He's implied things in regards to a future between us, although it is still very early. I feel that I know it is likely trouble, but I keep going to him anyway. I've never dated a MM, and I actually left my husband for cheating. Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions? Your story is a lot like mine. I'm divorced mom of 3 girls. Friendship evolved into an affair with a MM, father of one. You can look up my posts to get an understanding of the heartache that followed. Please, please, please take a step back and a long, hard look at the situation. My advice would be to tell him how you feel, tell him to call you if he is ever single...and walk away. Distract yourself, keep on dating and try not to think about him. If he comes to you...some day down the road...a free agent, go for it. But the pain of being the OW is JUST NOT WORTH IT. Even if he doesn't "treat" you like the "other,"...you are. He goes home to the wife and kids and that is that. 7
underwater2010 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I guess I'm already somewhat involved. We've started seeing each other about twice a week. We have not had sex yet, but I don't know how much longer we'll hold out. I'm contemplating it. He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. He's implied things in regards to a future between us, although it is still very early. I feel that I know it is likely trouble, but I keep going to him anyway. I've never dated a MM, and I actually left my husband for cheating. Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions? Let me help a little. Think back to that moment when you found out your husband/partner was cheating. How did it make you feel? How much hatred and anger did you have towards his AP? Now stop and think about you inflicting this pain on another woman. If you can do it will out any remorse or guilty feelings, then go for it. Personally I think it would be crappy, but it is totally up to you. 1
bellasue Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 The VAST majority of us here on this site are here because the affair has caused MAJOR pain for many involved. Jump into some of the threads about DDAY and it's effects on the relationships. As others have said, you will likely get caught and then you will get thrown under the bus. Just say no! : ) IMHO, of course. 1
DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I guess I'm already somewhat involved. We've started seeing each other about twice a week. We have not had sex yet, but I don't know how much longer we'll hold out. I'm contemplating it. He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. He's implied things in regards to a future between us, although it is still very early. I feel that I know it is likely trouble, but I keep going to him anyway. I've never dated a MM, and I actually left my husband for cheating. Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions? You mean... on purpose as a conscious decision? Hang around and read some of the stories out here... they will scare the hell out of you... or scare the sense into you. Your story has been told out here 100+ times. Honestly, although it may feel like it... your love isn't different, your love isn't special, it isn't a connection like no other, you don't understand him better than his wife, his wife isn't a cold evil bitch that withholds sex and nags him to death...., etc. The "implications" he is making about the future... well that and a $1.00 won't buy you a cup of coffee. Please don't do this to yourself. If he is that serious about you... tell him to separate from his wife so you two can date openly. If he comes up with 20 different excuses on why he can't do it now.... well then hang on, you are in for a bumpy ride. 7
Praying4Peace Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Homework for tonight: Read many of the latest posts on here. You can feel the pain. Avoid it. I know you think you guys are special and I'm not saying that you don't have strong feelings. I'm saying that the path you are headed down...feelings can't save you. There are more than 2 people in this equation. Please save yourself. It'll scar you forever. Run like a big scary monster is chasing you with a butcher knife. 7
CarrieT Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ophelia, is this the same man that brought you to this site in your first post? I'm confused because in that post, you have implied that you've been having sex but in this post, you said you haven't. If it is not the same MM, why-oh-why are you going down the same path that has already caused you pain by getting involved with someone you can't have? 1
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I read your other threads. Maybe take time for yourself and be alone. NO men. Focus on your three children and spend time with them. Do not get involved with a man who is married with children. Sorry to be blunt here, but your man picker is off which is why I suggested you be alone. Spend time with friends, family and your children. You don't need a man in your life to complete you or to make you happy. 4
ComingInHot Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ophelia wrote, "He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. " Just from your post only, a couple of things come to mind immediately. 1. Let's hope he is the "sole" owner of this successful Co. & not CO-owner with his spouse... My H lead exOW to believe he was "king of the company"when in truth I own more of than he does. 2. Let's hope the Company is Successful because, SHEESH! 5 kids, 2 wives (one ex, one to be), child support, alimony, RUINED reputation both socially and business wise, two homes, college fund and a partridge in a pair tree....* $$$$ 3. Let's hope for you it is love... 4. Let's hope love is enough. I cannot even begin to imagine the catastrophe that awaits you and your family... Be careful 1
thefooloftheyear Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 There is nothing I can add that these fine folks havent already.. Its in your hands now... You can choose door number one or door number 2. Sorry, no new car behind either of these doors...Just perhaps your sanity if you choose the right one.... TFY
Lillyfree Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 if you thought it was a 100% good idea you wouldn't be posting here. 5
Stellar Wench Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I guess I'm already somewhat involved. We've started seeing each other about twice a week. We have not had sex yet, but I don't know how much longer we'll hold out. I'm contemplating it. He's a successful small business owner, father of two, and I am a single divorced mother of three children under ten. I've been divorced for three years. I've dated seriously and just for fun. I've never really met anyone whom I really liked/loved. Something is totally different with this man. He's everything I want, but married. It's crushing. He's implied things in regards to a future between us, although it is still very early. I feel that I know it is likely trouble, but I keep going to him anyway. I've never dated a MM, and I actually left my husband for cheating. Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions?Please be reasonable. No small business owner in his right mind is going to divorce for a woman with three small kids. He'll have to (help) support them, split the biz with the spouse plus pay child support for his own children. Sorry to tell you, but unless you are rich, that's not going to happen. It's financial suicide. Sorry to disappoint you, but please save yourself the disappointment later. 1
movingon45 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 if you thought it was a 100% good idea you wouldn't be posting here. BEST post. If you can be fwb and not get involved emotionally then you can do it; but very few people can. Save yourself the heartache.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 After he sees you, he goes home and kisses, cuddles, has sex with, and sleeps next to his wife. Remember that next time you're with him and see if it doesn't turn you off. 2
Author Ophelia11 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Ophelia, is this the same man that brought you to this site in your first post? I'm confused because in that post, you have implied that you've been having sex but in this post, you said you haven't. If it is not the same MM, why-oh-why are you going down the same path that has already caused you pain by getting involved with someone you can't have? That's not my post. I've never been with a married man except my previous husband. He cheated on me with a man.
LoveBitesButSoDoI Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Well hello & welcome to the roller coaster ride to hell. This roller coaster ride has all the up & downs, and highs & lows, and twists & turns you could ever dream of. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Not a good idea. Unfortunately you re already emotionally attached - making it physical will be that much harder for you. Do not do it. No one can say for certain what he will do, but he will most likely not choose you come d-day - and there will be one. Most men are cake eaters and they are quite fine in that role. Don't let him do this to you and to his children especially. His wife has no idea what is about to hit her and its a strong possibility she already suspects something is up. Listen, my XMM's wife had been reading our emails for 1 1/2 years prior to anything becoming physical. She knew something was up and didn't follow her gut and speak up when she was uncomfortable. But then he was (is good) at lying and explaining it all away. As hard as it it, close the door. You are fortunate you are not married and don't have to deal with a spouse on your end. If you truly care about him, tell him to call you when he is single. If he is serious he will do it the right way.
CarrieT Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 That's not my post. I've never been with a married man except my previous husband. He cheated on me with a man. Apologies - I clicked on what I thought was your name to read your history and am not sure why I got that history instead... Mea culpa.
Sarabi Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Could anyone who's been through this share their opinions? In my opinion. Being someone who studied science...you should gather information from various different sources as possible and do thorough research before embarking on such a thing... Nobody can stop you, you're an adult but...I suggest you talk IN GREAT DETAIL...to: PaperAngel ComingInHot frozensprouts Bringontherain Bentnotbroken Athens BetrayedH Decorative AtheistScholar EleanorRigby waterwoman jnel9(I can't remember the rest of your numbers sorry ) seethingandsmiling the above few are a select sample off the top of my head whose opinions are often overlooked and swept aside when deciding whether to get involved or not...but maybe if you have a chance to listen to their situations and are aware beforehand how painful it is and how much work these ladies and gents have to do just to get a sense of normality in their lives again after their loved ones do such a thing to them...you might reconsider? ...and there are a multitude of others who will share their opinions with you on what the whole sorry mess entails 1
Sarabi Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 But really madam...what about you? If one of your daughters (you have 3..?) came and told you this story would you tell her to get involved..? Do you think they would be affected by it? I am just wondering because I know someone who has a daughter my age and a son a couple of years younger. She works...in "entertainment"(of men...privately lol sorry trying to be clean!) So I guess what I am trying to ask is if you start something with this man and whether it gets out in the open or not...would you feel bad for your children if they were embarrassed or ashamed or angry about your replationship? Oh and your man...would he want HIS daughter to be in your position and dating a guy like him? 1
veryhappy Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 If you potentially want a future with him, do not continue with the A. It drastically lowers your chances. If you want an A, you can do what you want and you should know what you are signing up for. No fog, no surprises. It will hurt you in the end anyway and you can't avoid it. 1
KathyM Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Save yourself the pain and anguish that is so likely to be a part of this relationship. It's not worth it. Think about the pain and suffering you would be causing the MM's wife and family. Do you really want to be the source of such destruction and hurt? There are single men who can offer you a real relationship, a full-time relationship, an out-in-the-open relationship, without all this crap that comes from a pseudo relationship with a married person. Do yourself a favor and don't go down this road. The chance of it ending in your favor are extremely low, and it will be causing incredible damage to the family of this man. Don't allow yourself to be a part of that.
Feb Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Well hello & welcome to the roller coaster ride to hell. This roller coaster ride has all the up & downs, and highs & lows, and twists & turns you could ever dream of. Yeah, this is a great roller coaster. Instead of your sunglasses and pocket change falling out, your three kids, friends, family, career, self-respect and sanity will be thrown out of the cart. Also, whereas real roller coasters slow down to a smooth and gentle stop, this roller coaster comes to a sudden halt as it crashes into a brick wall. LilMiss -- not sure if not being married is an advantage. I see your point, but she is the single mom of three kids. Not sure what age. So the kids have been through a divorce already, and their mom (if she continues this) will become a victim of affair fog & pain and will withdraw from her kids. That will be very damaging to them.
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