Echo000 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Its been close to four months of basically no contact-- and the past week and a half has been awful. I mean awful. Its like i have relapsed in terms of feeling like complete sh** and missing her/wanting her to contact me. Everything had been going fine (difficult but i was doing okay) but these past days (especially today) has been so horribly bad. OCD, thinking nonstop, feeling totally down, etc. Why am I feeling so bad NOW, at this point? damn one of the worst days since we broke up 1
cavalier99 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) Once again seems normal. I remember a few days like that after like 4 months. It was like a deep deep mourning and loss feeling. I took me by surprise because i had been doing ok. I think i even told you to get ready for this in another thread. It is the just the true true reality of it all setting in. I mean you always knew it was over but now you KNOW deep down it is over forever. Like a death. I was depressed and just beaten up over it. Even cried for the 1st time in forever at that point. I just gave up then i think. This is progress and part of the healing process. Rock on! Cav Edited May 7, 2013 by cavalier99 1
J_L_C Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I think that after a serious relationship, "relapse" is normal. It's been 9 months since my horrible breakup and only 2 months of no contact and today, I also find myself extremely low about things. I don't know why, but maybe Cav is right. Everyone comes to the 'realization' that it is over at different times. I was so stuck in denial for a very long time and I think only now I am finally seeing how done it truly is. Just know that there are others out there that feel the same way. Hell, I'm still feeling this way at 9 months.
AKisBaked Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 It's normal how your feeling. Cav is right. It's that point of time when you are finally realizing that it's really over. I actually had the exact feeling myself 3 weeks ago. I was coming home late from a good night out with friends but I just couldn't help but think about my ex. I guess after when I was alone and still up around 3 am you can't help but start to think about that sort of stuff. I know you were probably feeling like normal for a few weeks but when you get that alone time. It starts to sink in that the reality of everything is true. But, think of it as a good thing. Once you realize this now only going forward things will get better. Unless you find ways to relapse yourself (which I doubt I think you will). I've already accepted my reality and everything that has happened. It takes time and different for everyone. Things will get better for you soon enough. Best of luck bro.
Author Echo000 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 its like im still fighting (subconsciously) the idea that it isnt over. but you all are so right. at this point, if the person has not made any attempt to be with you after four months, means they are over you. so guess i gotta pick up my sh** and move on. Peace fellas. Thanks again 1
LoveB86 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Yeah, you already did the "going out, exercising and all of the above" to get your mind off of things. But it's definitely temporary. I felt the same way over the weekend even though its been a month, so what seems to snap me back to reality where I'm getting by without the ache-y feeling is doing some self discovery whether thru religion, listening to a life coach or a motivational speaker. It helps me to put alot into perspective which makes me think of things wayy important than my ex, but things that matter to me and what makes me happy, what makes me put myself first. I am telling you, it's been working for me. I might dwell and get sad for 1-2 hours and then when I focus on motivational speakers, it really helps me the remaining of the day. I would write phrases and quotes down and post them in my car, my work desk .. try and see if that might can help you.
Inviv_girl Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I know how you feel. Just know that you are not alone. We are here for you with the same feeling if that $h!ytt!! I'm feeling that myself, 8 months BU going on and feels like he is still here with me, love me, be with me but alas.. all that is just my imagination. One time I feel I hate him so much another time I feel I miss him so much. Feelings come and go so does our broken heart lookin back the time we were together in a loving relationship turned to the time they broke our heart, left us just like that.. it hurts
Am4Real Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I couldn’t' agree more with this comment. We're all smart enough to know we’re in the midst of a break up and healing; we probably are well versed on the issues we had in the relationship; we are in memory of what was done or what was said or not done or not said; we vividly remember the first date and the unfortunate very last conversation we had and so on... But at some point (and CAV is right), somewhere between 12 and 16 weeks it hits us, it really is over. Not just over as in finished, but our EX and all that was is and must be gone forever. I like to call it a mini-denial period. A round two challenge sort-of-speak. Remember in the aftermath of your breakup and your early stages of denial or shock. We couldn’t believe it was happening and the thoughts of "this cannot be happening to us" feelings. They probably dragged on for a few weeks until we progressed to anger or depression or both simultaneously and so on? Remember those thoughts and feelings? What CAV is describing to us as occurring four months post b/u for me is a mini-denial episode. Instead of us feeling "this can't be happening" we or I tend to think and reason the period in terms of "I can't believe this is it and it's really forever gone" . If you think about it, through NC and acceptance we have been programming our minds to accept the break up and heal, but we're always processing our feelings from the past to the present. At some point, usually during this mini-denial period, we are transferring our feelings and realizations to the future and this is our trigger. It's normal. Don't panic; don't over-react; and certainly do not alter course. Just know it will likely be a period of a few hours or a few days of reminiscing and a quick passage through the mini-denial, mini-anger, mini-depression and long term acceptance stages. From there may we all move on to forgiveness of whatever sort and a life of happiness having graduated from our own healing!!! Once again seems normal. I remember a few days like that after like 4 months. It was like a deep deep mourning and loss feeling. I took me by surprise because i had been doing ok. I think i even told you to get ready for this in another thread. It is the just the true true reality of it all setting in. I mean you always knew it was over but now you KNOW deep down it is over forever. Like a death. I was depressed and just beaten up over it. Even cried for the 1st time in forever at that point. I just gave up then i think. This is progress and part of the healing process. Rock on! Cav 3
Author Echo000 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 it shows you the denial is there because my heart beats a little harder when i read "its over forever"..i sincerely do not try to resist any of this. Yeah you guys are right. i am sure this is normal. clearly others go through it. just weird to go from going from meeting a stranger, falling in love with them, and then going back to stranger-dome again. All those beautiful things they said to you about always loving you, im not sure where those words go. i guess they fade with time. Got to let them go. Very difficult. 1
singme2sleep Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Maybe its the 4 month curse?! Been about the same amount of time for me, and I feel like I'm relapsing also. Thought the anger I felt about his rebound was pushing into getting over him, but the anger has faded these last few weeks. I miss him and I still love him in spite of it all. So just know that you're not alone in these feelings. We just need more time, and then some more!
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