Had A Small Relapse Today...

[fiftyofsomethin]

Hey guys,

 

I haven't posted on here in a while and I wanted to make a quick update.

 

So in all, I have been very very happy in the last few weeks. I have largely been able to not think of my ex at all. I have started my new job. I have admittedly not worked out much because I have been hella busy but I of course plan on getting back into it soon. So in all, I've been very confident and happy.

 

However, there are still these stupid moments when I see her in school or I see someone post something about her on Facebook or something (when I unfriend her I still see what her friends post). Like earlier this week, I fell into the trap of Facebook stalking her a bit when I saw one of my friends added her as a friend. I realized that she just added her entire college soccer team for the school she is about to go to as friends and for some unexplainable reason that made me miss her pretty bad.

 

And another time, just today I had an AP test in our school library. And she also had an AP test the period before mine in the same place but the way our library is, I could see her and after everyone was done, she just seemed so happy to be socializing with her friends in there and she was talking to people I know she never did before but in all she seemed really content. And I suppose the fact that she obviously doesn't have anything about our relationship on her mind and she still ignores me when she sees me (apart from one time when she smiled at me when we were the only two people in the hallway) are what makes me sad. It's that I see that even though I am making good progress, she is making BETTER progress.

 

And I am usually always able to remind myself how it's pointless to worry about her still because I have been doing well and focusing and everything, I still go back to these feelings every once in a while.

 

I just don't know if you all have and tricks to let go of this better and re-teach myself that she just. simply. doesn't. matter.

 

Thanks a million everyone!

[fiftyofsomethin]

Yep. It happened again. But this time I was more or less able to contain it.

 

This time I saw her being happy while talking to this other guy.

 

But I stopped and thought about it. Why do I care if she is happy and she is talking to another guy? If she sees me talking to other girls and it doesn't bother her, what is she doing that I'm not?

 

And then I realized that it's because she feels in control. She feels that she doesn't need to rely on my love to be happy. She realizes that she has other options. And the second I realized this myself, I instantly sort of got a mood lift.

 

The one thing that still bothers me slightly is that this happens way too often.

 

I can't keep having to re-teach myself these rules of happiness in order to forget about her. I NEED to be able to see her without me and be happy for her and be even happier for myself.

[Smokemirrors]

It's hard. Really hard. But know one day you will be able to see her a feel that. Now picture that day, really imagine it. Where would you be? Who would she be with? Who would you be with? Imagine being indifferent. Really visualise it. Embrace that feeling. It'll come

[fiftyofsomethin]

So this is just one complaint that I have found about myself:

 

I seem to be very negative in my outlook on life.

 

I seem to not be surprised when bad things happen. It's like I expect them to happen. Hell, even when I was with my ex, I always half-expected us to break up. I distinctly remember having a thought while driving one day that I feel like she will eventually break up with me. I had done nothing wrong, nothing bad happened. I just expected it. And GUESS WHAT?

 

If good things also happen to me, I sort of just dismiss them as a fluke or a stroke of good luck. Like getting my ex was just good luck in my opinion. She was on a different "social level" if you will. She was a bit higher up in the social food chain. I honestly have a strong feeling that this lack of confidence is what drove her away. In fact, I'm nearly sure of it.

 

Or if I post a picture on Facebook that gets a ton of "likes" (how vain, I know) I go back and try to analyze what I did right. I just didn't expect it to be as well-received. I do this with many things. If someone laughs at something I say, I go back and analyze why it was funny because I didn't really expect to have it be legitimately funny.

 

So what I would like to pick your brains about, ladies and gentlemen, is if you have any suggestions for building confidence and just to stop doubting the choices you make or over-analyzing the events of the past.

 

Confidence seems to be the key to happiness and social success. So I would like to figure this out. My goal of building my ultimate happiness guide is almost realized. I can feel it.

[portableversion]

good luck hang in there, its just gonna take time plain and simple. fake it until you make it as they say, getting dumped is horrible, they are happy cause everything is going the way they want it, as the dumpee that's not the case, its as if we got dealt a bad hand at cards but this time loosing the queen of hearts is real tough, and its real and its not good.

 

I remember in highschool when my ex dumped me it hurt real bad I was not good for quite sometime, 6 months post break up, I hit the anger phase of grieving, man those were horrible days. we never fought and I treated her well I loved her so much, I wanted to marry her.

 

luckily for me the highscool was large enough I basically never saw her again, tough as I went went to college she kept as friends with my mom. She stopped all that when I brought home my 2nd serious gf my future wife and now ex wife, after that she stopped coming to my house to chat with my mom, though when I met her that last one time when I came home with future ex wife and she talked to me and said she felt I was better then her, such crap, her low self esteem ended up hurting me in serious ways, I really loved her personality, and her kinkiness