Goodbye Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Didn't reply to the email I received last week from exMM. There really wasn't anything for which to reply...it was mostly more of his statements. Statements that seem to relieve his own guilt but make no promises. Stuff like "I'm so sorry I hurt you so badly, I hurt too, I need to fix myself and my situation before I can be with you." Stuff like that. Stuff intended to keep me at bay, and keep me on the hook. I've been trying to stay distracted. Meditating, reading, trying to think of him as the person he really is...a fraud, not the person I thought I was so deeply in love with. It still hurts like hell, but at least I'm not checking my email every 5 minutes with hope, as I had been all April. Moving on...ever so slowly. This month has a lot of emotional mine fields. The anniversary of when I met the MM 27 years ago (obviously not married then). Our birthdays, the year mark of when we started our affair last year. So difficult. I force myself to think of him "acting" as if I never existed, playing happy husband and dad with his family so far away from me. 3
forgetmenot75 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Hugs to you. It must be really hard, but keep being strong. You can do it, and it's the best for you. 1
affairaddict Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Don't know your story looks like you've known him a very long time. 1 week is great you should be proud. Every day is hard and it's so hard breaking an addiction. I'm on day 11 and I find being busy helps immensely. I know it's cliche but sitting around and night times are the worst for me Stay strong 1
ViresSanctity Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Those days where you don't check for contact from them are the most relieving days (besides the emotional withdrawal) of freedom. Cherish it. 4
BrokenPrincess Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 It IS slow but you can do it. I'm proud if you for making it one week! This is the worst part. It WILL get better. Don't contact him. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I've got some triggery dates & events coming up too but I am trying to just stay focused on TODAY. I was getting myself really overwhelmed, my mind racing all the way to the hotels we already held to see each other in October. So take deep breaths, call a friend if you can. I'm trying to just think short-term--like what should I have for dinner tonight? (Bonus- taking care of myself physically too since I haven't eaten much the past few days) It might sound silly but it's working better than re-reading all our emails from the last week. Stay strong sister! 2
tryingto Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Huge milestone! Keep busy... Triggers are the worst but stay focused on the fact that this is what is best for you. You deserve so much better!! 1
jezebella Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Been following your story, and wishing you strength and inner peace. I am so proud of how you are handling this. You should be too. 1
DelusionalOne Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Who am I kidding? I can't stay away.... Goodbye... You are one week NC! That's great! You never have to do Week 1 NC ever again!!!! The letter from your xMM really pissed me off.... And it should piss you off too! What a selfish jerk!!! You nailed it... He's trying to keep you hanging on the hook...make you feel sorry for his pain. You should be angry. Ok maybe I am projecting a bit. But it's true... He chose to walk away for whatever reason. One day at a time.... You are not a doormat. You deserve the whole loaf not a slice or a breadcrumb. You deserve to be happy. He made his choice... Wish him well (in your mind) and let him go live his choice without YOU. Without you to prop him up or hold his hand or make him feel good about himself. 2
DelusionalOne Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) True NC means you block their access to you, texts, phones, email, fb, etc. I know it's hard, but it's really the only way if the dufus won't leave you alone. I agree. I totally wish that I could do that but when you work for the same company...there is no blocking in the company email/IM. Goodbye... If you can block all access to you....do it!!! Then you will never know if he is reaching out to you or not... Then you stop looking or expecting it and you get over it faster! Edited May 7, 2013 by DelusionalOne
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Congrats on 1 week! That's huge and you should be really proud of yourself.
Author Goodbye Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Congrats on 1 week! That's huge and you should be really proud of yourself. Thanks! Not sure I'm proud about any of this, but at least it is in my rearview window.
BrokenPrincess Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Hi Goodbye, I'm borrowing your thread to post on while I'm having a slight low moment. Some kind of email cleanup scan just went through at work and I had to review everything that is being deleted that's at least a year old. Somehow an old email from xMM from this week last year was buried in my box. It was the press release of him starting his new position and had his picture. Ugh I smiled when I saw it & my instict was to fwd it back to him & wish him a happy one year. WTF Holy moment of weakness. Hope you don't mind me posting here. I came on to re-read my posts as well and remember how much I don't want to break NC. 2
Author Goodbye Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Hi Goodbye, I'm borrowing your thread to post on while I'm having a slight low moment. Some kind of email cleanup scan just went through at work and I had to review everything that is being deleted that's at least a year old. Somehow an old email from xMM from this week last year was buried in my box. It was the press release of him starting his new position and had his picture. Ugh I smiled when I saw it & my instict was to fwd it back to him & wish him a happy one year. WTF Holy moment of weakness. Hope you don't mind me posting here. I came on to re-read my posts as well and remember how much I don't want to break NC. By all means, post away. I actually had started the thread for others to commiserate on the NC process. I've had to search my emails and find myself looking back at stuff we were saying to each other this time last year. It is tough. I'm glad you didn't forward it to him. You are doing what you need to do...stay strong!
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