sweetpea01 Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 I dated someone about 4 yrs. ago. We were both 20 yrs. old, and it was my first real relationship. I fell head over heels in love with him. A couple months into the relationship he came to me and told me he had unresolved feelings for his gf, and had to work through them. Apparently she called him up after 2 yrs. I was devastated! I was in love with him, but he told me he couldn't talk to me, see me, be in contact with me...nothing. He said she wouldn't like it, and he didn't trust himself. Now I understand why that was...but at the time it just hurt so bad. Anyway, it's been a couple yrs. since all of this. I have met someone new...possibly the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and am very happy. Randomly I came across my ex's email a couple months ago. I'll call him Alex. I sent him an email saying hi, and he emailed me back and said he's going to be starting grad school right by where I live. So we email from time to time, and we talk about school...mainly because we're both going to be starting medical school soon. Now, I have NO interest in rekindling anything with him except a friendship. I know girls do this alot, where they try to be friends with guys, but guys don't generally like to have female friends. Is it a no-no to try to be friends with someone - more particularly an ex? My boyfriend and his ex-gf are really good friends. I want to know if my ex is happy to talk to me, or hoping I just leave him alone! What do u guys think? SweetPea
Author sweetpea01 Posted September 24, 2004 Author Posted September 24, 2004 How does my bf feel? Well, like any bf, he obviously isn't going to LIKE anything about my ex. But at the same time, he's good friends with his, so telling me not to contact mine would be bypocritical. And plus, I just think it would be cool to be able to friends with someone minus the romantic undertones...but if I didn't ever talk to my ex again, it woulnd't be the end of the world. Sweetpea
dyermaker Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 K, you didn't answer my question really. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? There's no point in determining what's "fair" or hypocritical, it's an issue you should talk about with your boyfriend. If he's honestly uncomfortable with it, you have to assess whether you want to jeapordize that.
Pookette Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 I'm friends with most of my exes. As long as there are no romantic undertones, no reminiscing about 'remember when...' it might just work. He knows your personality and you two must have connected on a few different levels to have a relationship to begin with, so it could be a comfortable friendship. Why not go for it? Just keep a feeler on your boyfriend so if he starts getting uncomfortable with it, you can cool the friendship off a bit.
Scott S Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Originally posted by sweetpea01 Now, I have NO interest in rekindling anything with him except a friendship. I know girls do this alot, where they try to be friends with guys, but guys don't generally like to have female friends. Is it a no-no to try to be friends with someone - more particularly an ex? Each situtation is different. There are no hard & fast rules. The issue is whether the person/people CAN be friends after breaking up from a romance. Some handle it better than others, they can remain amicable. Others can't. A lot depends on how bad the break-up was.
backspn Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 You really have no control on who you fall in love with....so telling us you have NO interest in rekindling with your ex is mute. I didnt go into my realtionship with my ex thinking I was going to fall in love with her...it just happens. You have NO control over it. What happens when you do fall for your ex again....then what about this guy who has stood by your side while you went out with your ex. I think its wrong and if your with somebody then you should stay away from your exes, period. Its not fair to you and certainly not to your current BF. Are you happy with your BF? If so.....leave well enuf alone. The girls that are friends with their exes are probably single. trust me...the male ego is very fragile.
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