uLames Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I'll try to make this short and I know I'm probably wrong for feeling this way, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm black and so is my boyfriend, problem is, he seems to be obsessed with white women (Or so I think). I have an Asian friend who jokes on white women a lot (No clue why) and my boyfriend will get extremely outrage and go on this rant about how every race has badly shaped women etc. Which is very true, but if anyone says anything about any other race of women he usually laughs and chimes in. Or says nothing at all. His porn collection is 99% black guy on white girl which is saying something since he has 250 GBs of porn. Hes registered to all sorts of interracial websites. I brought this up jokingly (but not jokingly) And he went on about how he likes that type of porn because the white women have this "lovingly" attitude towards sex. "It's just something about them" Which to me makes NO SENSE! IT'S PORN! Asian, Indian, Latina, Black, White, Italian They're all PAID to seem like they love nothing but taking D all day. His statement about the whole white women love sex killed it for me sexually. I don't like sex, in fact I hate it! But I always tried my hardest to get into it and make it enjoyable for him. I try not to let it show through that I hate sex. But now it's like what's the point? I caught him on POF talking to some white woman, it was nothing sexual from what I've seen. BUT messages can easily be deleted. He said he needed someone to talk to since I was being distant and at the time I was. But a dating site to talk to someone? Really? Not to mention his search on there was filter to only find white women. I just feel like I'm sitting around waiting to be replaced and it's driving me insane! I just feel less attractive because I don't come with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Anthony2005 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Hello uLames, What you have here is a fantasy, and very rarely does reality live up to it. While porn can be very entertaining we have to be careful because we tend to put those same demands on our partner. Which as you've pointed out is a job, and part of their job is to portray they're enjoying it. During a brief discussion a porn actor, it was stated she didn't do some of the things in her relationship because she didn't care for it. But you would never know from her videos. It's important that you do things to help keep your confidence up, Ulames. It's very hard to be sexual if you don't feel sexy in the eyes of your loved one. I will tell you that if you hate sex… it will show. I will go as far as to say I'm sure at the moment sex is primarily you attempting to please him and recreate his fantasies and very little of your pleasure being the focus. Do not allow his fantasies to create insecurities within you. You are beautiful and sexy, and there isn't anyone out there who can do for him what you do! This is your mindset because this is fact. Take charge and create his fantasies without allowing him to take control doing things without him asking. Wearing something that helps remind you how sexy you are. Sex talk involve asking what he loves about you, or what about you that turns him on the most. You already know it but it's just lovely to hear from time to time. As for your mindset with sex, we need to turn this around because men are very physical. It's important you become acquainted with your body. Once you know your body, dictate to him what your body wants. With your pleasure from time to time being the only focus. His own pleasure coming from the ability to drive you crazy in the bed. Create the sense of taking that emotional love you have and making it tangible through this physical act. Applying some of these things or just a guide to create your own I'm sure you will get past this creating an even stronger relationship than before.
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