KPChick000 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Thoughts... I hate that you let go of us. I hate that you didn't want to fight for us and chose the easy way out. I hate that you made me fall for you and now I'm left heartbroken. I hate that you started seeing someone else 2 months after the break-up and that she is your co-worker. I hate that I still have doubts even after you assured and promised me that she had nothing to do with the break-up. I hate that you were willing to take a chance with her. I hate that I know her face. I hate that she is available to you ALL THE TIME. I hate that she is there where I used to be. I hate that she has you by her side, to confide in, to sleep next to, to laugh with, to eat with, everything I miss. I hate that you told me that it took years for you to "find" me yet you moved on so quickly. I hate that this whole thing made me feel not good enough. I hate that I am trying to let you go but I can't. I hate that our 3 years of memories follow me like a shadow. I hate that you might have already forgotten about me now that I've disappeared from your life. I hate that even though NC is what I need, I still wish you would reach out to me sometimes. I hate that I count the days of NC (31 days). I hate that I have to vent on here. I hate missing you - my best friend. I hate that eventually this will all fade, and we will be strangers. 15
andre84 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I understand how you feel and I think its only natural... BUT... You need to be careful about spending your time thinking about the "Other" person your ex is with. My ex dumped me almost 2 months ago and part of it I think has to do with another guy. (An ex of hers that is far away) Now she is not with anyone right now and I think she knows she has to be single for a while, but I do think that at some point she is going to give this other guy a shot. And that bothers the s*it out of me... specially because I feel that I'm a better all around guy than this other guy, but at the end of the day, maybe this person is the right one for her. I tell you this so you know that I feel for you, and I am also guilty of obsessing over the fact that there is someone out there that she rather be with. But we need to TRY and not do this to ourselves. We need to understand that we deserve better, and at somepoint once we are ready... We will meet that person that FULLY returns the love we give them. I fully believe that once I get to that point and find that person, that's when I will be 100% over it. This is why NC is so important. I do not want to know anything about my EX or who she is with, at least until I'm in a place where I can handle it emotionally. You are not alone, and you will get through this! 2
youngnlove89 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Another thing...any relationship he jumps into right away is a REBOUND, it won't last. I mean, sure maybe it will but I wouldn't count on it. You guys were together for THREE years, he hasn't let go. Trust me. Too much to remember. I used to jump from guy to guy because I was immature and was trying to mask the pain. Now I take time for myself to move on. I need to. Everyone should, whether you are the dumper or not, because you need time to heal. Time to forget. Time to let go. The ones that take that time for themselves and learn to love themselves again, will be the ones to end up in a long term healthy relationship, because they took the time to heal. They handled the situation maturely. This is why ex's come back months later, because they didn't take that time to heal. And now it's finally hitting them. But it will be too late for you dear, because you will have moved on properly 5
LoveB86 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 KPchick, Bless you for writing this! I had a bad weekend of relapse and a bad morning because I work down the street from him and his girlfriend. What you wrote is exactly how I feel. Thank u! Thank u! 1
Author KPChick000 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Another thing...any relationship he jumps into right away is a REBOUND, it won't last. I mean, sure maybe it will but I wouldn't count on it. You guys were together for THREE years, he hasn't let go. Trust me. Too much to remember. I hope you're right. The thing is, as much as I miss him and think I want him back, I know this has changed things. Even if he comes back, will I be able to get over the fact that he was with someone else? Even if it's a rebound? Don't know... and guess I don't have to worry about that right now...
LoveB86 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I hope you're right. The thing is, as much as I miss him and think I want him back, I know this has changed things. Even if he comes back, will I be able to get over the fact that he was with someone else? Even if it's a rebound? Don't know... and guess I don't have to worry about that right now... I wonder if mine is in a rebound? I really don't understand rebound relationships? Is it also if your partner cheats to be with someone else?
BustedUpInside Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 KPchick, sometimes I think you are really me writing and I have a split personality or something. This list applies to my ex so exactly it is scary 1
LostOne1 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Thoughts... I hate that you let go of us. I hate that you didn't want to fight for us and chose the easy way out. I hate that you made me fall for you and now I'm left heartbroken. I hate that you started seeing someone else 2 months after the break-up and that she is your co-worker. I hate that I still have doubts even after you assured and promised me that she had nothing to do with the break-up. I hate that you were willing to take a chance with her. I hate that I know her face. I hate that she is available to you ALL THE TIME. I hate that she is there where I used to be. I hate that she has you by her side, to confide in, to sleep next to, to laugh with, to eat with, everything I miss. I hate that you told me that it took years for you to "find" me yet you moved on so quickly. I hate that this whole thing made me feel not good enough. I hate that I am trying to let you go but I can't. I hate that our 3 years of memories follow me like a shadow. I hate that you might have already forgotten about me now that I've disappeared from your life. I hate that even though NC is what I need, I still wish you would reach out to me sometimes. I hate that I count the days of NC (31 days). I hate that I have to vent on here. I hate missing you - my best friend. I hate that eventually this will all fade, and we will be strangers. I felt exactly this way back then.. and writing it all out HELPS. But I'm almost at 1 yr now with the BU and it does fade. I honestly don't hate my ex anymore, nor do I miss her. In fact I kinda almost have forgotten why we fought or how we broke up. I just know my future will and can get better. It's all about being positive and working hard for a new goal in life. You'll get there within a year and it will get better. Trust me on that one! 2
cinta_satu Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Thoughts... I hate that you let go of us. I hate that you didn't want to fight for us and chose the easy way out. I hate that you made me fall for you and now I'm left heartbroken. I hate that you started seeing someone else 2 months after the break-up and that she is your co-worker. I hate that I still have doubts even after you assured and promised me that she had nothing to do with the break-up. I hate that you were willing to take a chance with her. I hate that I know her face. I hate that she is available to you ALL THE TIME. I hate that she is there where I used to be. I hate that she has you by her side, to confide in, to sleep next to, to laugh with, to eat with, everything I miss. I hate that you told me that it took years for you to "find" me yet you moved on so quickly. I hate that this whole thing made me feel not good enough. I hate that I am trying to let you go but I can't. I hate that our 3 years of memories follow me like a shadow. I hate that you might have already forgotten about me now that I've disappeared from your life. I hate that even though NC is what I need, I still wish you would reach out to me sometimes. I hate that I count the days of NC (31 days). I hate that I have to vent on here. I hate missing you - my best friend. I hate that eventually this will all fade, and we will be strangers. I am standing in your shoes right now. I had the most amazing relationship with this girl for 3 years. We loved each other as much as anyone could. We planned on getting married, having kids, and building a life together. Until she decided to break up last Christmas. She wanted to remain close friends and I agreed. We talked a lot everyday as friends, but still using our nicknames, flirting etc. She would go on non stop about how no one could love her or make her happy like I could and how she would never feel this comfortable with anyone else. She assured me that it would take her at least a year to move on. She still came to me when she was upset or stressed and I got her through it. 3 weeks later she told me we needed to stop talking even as friends. 2 weeks after that she's dating another guy that is perfect for her in every way on paper. She's been putting up pictures with him with captions "Life is good." and updating her status saying stuff like "It's been a great year." I loved her and cared for her more than anything else in the world and this is what I get in return. I was her best friend and her source of advice and comfort, but not anymore. I have been killing myself imagining her with her new guy, loving him like she used to love me, being held by him like I used to hold her. I've had vivid dreams of them getting married and I can't control it. It's crazy how complex our minds are. I've had moments where I find myself smiling just imagining a future with her laying on a beach somewhere with no worries. I know it's just my mind playing tricks, but can't do anything about it. I haven't been able to overcome this, but I do find moments during the day where I am able to feel 'good'. Usually these moments come after I finish a good workout or after having a good talk with a friend. I try to capitalize on these moments and assure myself that I will be fine. I don't know what the future holds, but imagining the worst isn't doing me any favors. She could wake up one day and realize what she left and come back. Or she could marry her current bf and move on without ever thinking about me. You can not predict the future or alter the past. What you can do and what people in our situation must do is improve the probability of being happy in the future. Yes, the person we loved hurt us, but it doesn't mean we have to hurt ourselves. People keep saying you can't love someone until you can love yourself. I still haven't been able to achieve this, but I do believe it's true. And I believe when we are hurting the most is best time to learn to love ourselves. I still believe what I had with her is true love and I will keep fighting for it. But that doesn't mean I won't try to move on in other aspects of my life. I'm a strong believer in love and sharing love. And I hope that all of us end up with the one we truly love. But we absolutely have to learn to love ourselves first. 1
crederer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Yah, sometimes it really makes me upset to think about it. I heard she hasn't seen anyone, but I know she will eventually and I should stop thinking about it but sometimes I can't help it. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 That's why I don't let myself picture anything Well...unless I'm really depressed. And its usually this one image I last saw of her holding up a laptop folded up and kind of squared position. Long hair, some red/gold in it. Hazzel eyes etc. Nice thick thighs. Yes... Just staring off frozen in time...not a care for nor paid this false thing called "justice" for her deeds. But this won't affect me at a high conscience. As my mind filters strongly. I usually remember anything I see to full detail that is in mono. White/black. Most of her stuff is in that...as she knows this. Meh. I am too crazy to care It isn't worth the pain... 1
Author KPChick000 Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I have been killing myself imagining her with her new guy, loving him like she used to love me, being held by him like I used to hold her. I've had vivid dreams of them getting married and I can't control it. It's crazy how complex our minds are. I've had moments where I find myself smiling just imagining a future with her laying on a beach somewhere with no worries. I know it's just my mind playing tricks, but can't do anything about it. I haven't been able to overcome this, but I do find moments during the day where I am able to feel 'good'. Usually these moments come after I finish a good workout or after having a good talk with a friend. I try to capitalize on these moments and assure myself that I will be fine. I don't know what the future holds, but imagining the worst isn't doing me any favors. She could wake up one day and realize what she left and come back. Or she could marry her current bf and move on without ever thinking about me. You can not predict the future or alter the past. What you can do and what people in our situation must do is improve the probability of being happy in the future. Yes, the person we loved hurt us, but it doesn't mean we have to hurt ourselves. People keep saying you can't love someone until you can love yourself. I still haven't been able to achieve this, but I do believe it's true. And I believe when we are hurting the most is best time to learn to love ourselves. I still believe what I had with her is true love and I will keep fighting for it. But that doesn't mean I won't try to move on in other aspects of my life. I'm a strong believer in love and sharing love. And I hope that all of us end up with the one we truly love. But we absolutely have to learn to love ourselves first. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry that you had/have to go through this type of heartbreak. It does help to write about it and know you're not alone. Our mind is a tricky thing, huh? I recognize that I'm doing it to myself- hurting myself by picturing them together, but sometimes that's just where the mind takes me. I think sometimes we get addicted to the pain because it's the only "connection" we have left to our ex. It's almost like a test- am I still alive? I know that the moment I'm immune to the pain is the moment I have officially recovered from the BU. Not there yet. Test failed. But until then, you're right, we have to love ourselves first, protect ourselves. We can't dwell on the worst scenarios (I am very guilty). I have taken the first step to protect myself (NC). You must take your own advice too, by resisting looking at her pictures and statuses. I know it's not easy...
cinta_satu Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Our minds are very tricky indeed. We can only do so much to control what we think. At first I thought if I distracted myself by watching a movie or basketball game I wouldn't have those thoughts. Even that didn't work because I'd find myself zoning out and missing the movie or game. And for some reason we tend to picture the worst case scenario - such as our ex marrying the person they are with now and living the most amazing life. I definitely found myself getting addicted to the pain because I didn't want to lose the only connection I had left to her. But then I opened my email and read some old chats we had when we were together. I found a couple where we were both joking around playfully and laughing and without realizing it I found myself laughing and smiling from just reading our conversation. I realized how happy I made her and how happy she made me. Instead of picturing something painful, it might be better to appreciate and be thankful for the great times you had. I don't want to harbor any ill feelings towards her. By some miracle if we do end up together in the future I don't want to resent her for anything. All this is much easier said than done. I am definitely not there yet, but I'm sure I will be. I keep telling my friends "She's going to marry this guy. I just know it. He's perfect for her in every way. He has the same ethnic background, he's got a great career, etc. And she doesn't date for fun or casually. She only dates if she wants a future." They all keep reminding me that all this is just conjecture. I don't know **** about the future. There's no way to even say there is a 20% or 50% chance of this happening or that happening. Keep focusing on yourself and doing something to better yourself in anyway possible. Even if it's something small. The key is to do something. I will try to stay strong and resist checking facebook. I hope you feel better and grow stronger each day. Take care! 1
LostOne1 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 What you all need to remember is it's okay for THEM to be happy. BUT! what matters is for you all to be happy too. And one thing that got me through it all was to KNOW my future CAN get better. And I've met some new amazing girls, so I wish I had pushed further on with.. but you will love again. I know I can still love someone, but now it's all about finding the right person. Don't give up because one person hurt you or because one relationship didn't work.. it just means you get another chance to search and look for the right person. 1
freetolove Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 stop thinking about her. think about something else. you're wasting your time. she is dead to you now.
Author KPChick000 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Thanks everyone for your comments and support. What you all need to remember is it's okay for THEM to be happy. BUT! what matters is for you all to be happy too. And one thing that got me through it all was to KNOW my future CAN get better. Yes, that is the tough part, accepting the fact that he has a right to be happy, even if it is not with me. And coping with the sense of failure that unfortunately comes with it. I will be honest and admit I am not there yet. I know it will come with time eventually, but right now, I am trying to just get to the indifference phase, where I won't feel heartache if/when I think of him with someone else. To be genuinely happy for him will come after.
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