siankat Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Hey all This site is great for offloading all thoughts and as all of us on here are at different stages of some kind of break up/break down i thought i would share mine now that i am a few months detached from someone i cared deeply about. I'm back to functioning as normal i.e. eating/sleeping properly again, and have had a couple of dates since - nothing i wanted to pursue. I'm at a plateau now of, not feeling so hurt about the events leading to the breakup and living without him in my daily life. Due to this it seems easier to get in touch again as i would be 'strong enough' to handle it. Of course i won't as it's a bad idea but i used NC so i didn't lose my sanity further over the loss and now NC doesn't seem something of an imperative. More like..that's just the way it is now...we do not communicate. After the breakup i felt so far removed from everything that elicits happiness and thought that a certain happiness, could only be found with him. I believe now that caring deeply about someone again will be a choice. Loving someone is also a choice (a newish concept to me that i experienced with him). It seems possible now that i will meet someone else who i can start fresh without baggage, but with lessons learned (although i will always be a work in progress I think for this NC did work as we were barely in touch post bu and therefore i had nothing new to pile onto the heap of hurts and no new information to be analysed. I wouldn't say i'm at the stage that i don't harbour mild regret that it didn't turn out differently, or that i don't feel indifferent to him and 'us', but this feeling of plateau or i guess boredom lets say...is a welcome one as that means i am not longer suffering like i did. Basically, the issue now is not so much not being with him, but not being with anyone. I would like to be close to someone again, but not necessarily him. He just seems like the easiest option as the feelings were there and i can remember the good times. So, this is where i'm at. Not suffering, but not because i have moved onto someone new. Just a kind of limbo, plateau, meantime kinda place. Another stage in the moving on process i guess And it's all good
Author siankat Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Also i forgot to add...post break up there are things in me that i had ignored whilst being with this person, almost using him and the relationship as an excuse not to better my lot, and these things have resurfaced now. I think that's also where some of the anguish i felt came from after the split. I had to focus on myself again and it sometimes seemed like a mighty task as i'm never satisfied and always setting myself big goals. With him, i diverted my attention onto his dreams and goals so i didnt have to deal with mine. That was my biggest mistake probably.
Recommended Posts