Virgobtch1 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I'm in a relationship with a man that is a sex addict,unfortunantly his addiction doesn't involve me.I'm highly sexual,often horny. We have been dating for 2 and 1/2 years.In this time our sex life has dwindled to having sex once a week maybe if I'm lucky.Meanwhile he sits at home jerking off to black girl porn (Im hispanic/italian) and on black people chat sites,discussing all the awesome sex he could be having with black chicks.He jerks off so much that he can no longer get fully erect when we actually have sex,then he'll pump away at me for 5 minutes and be done.Roll over and go to sleep. I feel like complete garbage to him,like he doesn't really want to be with me,like he just does it so I wont pester him for sex. I don't anymore because I've lost interest in being with someone (sexually) that doesn't feel the same way about me.He'd rather jerk off to online stuff than have sex with a real live person.I'm so lost and depressed,I don't know where to turn.It's gotten so bad that I've had suicidal thougths.
will1988 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 A. Break up with him right away. If your sexual chemistry is not working out and he'd rather be with other women, than leave him ASAP! B. He has not shown any signs of being a sex addict. He is looking at porn and on chat sites. He is not actually cheating on you and hooking up with girls from the internet or paying for sex. He is a porn addict, not sex addict. Get rid of him now. good luck and on the suicidel thing, go talk to a shrink. 4
sweetkiwi Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Whoa. First off, what are you getting out of this relationship? You're depressed and suicidal. Not good things. Seek help. Professional and otherwise. You sound very young OP. You can and will get through this. But not with a partner like that. Dump him. 2
KathyM Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Why would you even keep this guy around? A porn addiction IS a form of sex addiction, and often when a man is addicted to porn, he will need to escalate the dosage to get the same level of high. That sometimes progresses to finding real live people to satisfy the addiction, so these men may start contacting and meeting up with strangers on the internet to get their fix. Dump this guy. He's seriously messed up. 2
AlexDP Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 A. Break up with him right away. If your sexual chemistry is not working out and he'd rather be with other women, than leave him ASAP! B. He has not shown any signs of being a sex addict. He is looking at porn and on chat sites. He is not actually cheating on you and hooking up with girls from the internet or paying for sex. He is a porn addict, not sex addict. Get rid of him now. good luck and on the suicidel thing, go talk to a shrink. If you're jerking off 24/7, you're a sex addict.
Ladyrascalz Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 You're bf, man, husband w.e you call him is suppose to be the person that makes you feel loved and wanted. I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel crappy about yourself? Whether it's physically, emotionally or worse both. If you're going to break up with him that should be your number one reason! If you're depressed and having these suicidal thoughts, please get out of the relationship and then get professional help.
Author Virgobtch1 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 He has serious issues.I'll be the 1st to admit it.In the past I've even gone as far as putting a tracker on his computer to see what he's doing online.That is ridiculous,noone should have to live like this,looking over their shoulder.He has an obsession with black women as well that gives me a weird sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.Im white.It bothers me because of all the sexual related prolems we seem to be having have to do with black people chat sites and black women porn.He says he would never cheat on me or meet these people in reality but I feel like its cheating.It feels wrong to me and I have told him this on several occasions.He says he'll stop for me (he knows it hurts me),but it never stops! He just hides it better.What can I do to help him get over this?
Author Virgobtch1 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 I am hoping for this outcome because otherwise he is attentive and affectionant. I love him and want to help him through this
goneundone Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Only he can help himself. If he doesn't realize that porn use combined with excessive masturbation = impotence, and if he doesn't respect the relationship enough to save his sexual energy as a gift to you. Then you are going to be a miserable woman for the rest of your time with him. If you want to help him, I would go the scientific route and not the religious route. There is a biological science to why men become addicted to porn and it's because of the brain chemicals that are released while watching and climaxing. Chemicals like dopamine. If you give him the information and he still continues, and/or keeps hiding it from you, dump him. You will be miserable in the long run while he's acting like a selfish, teenage, addict getting his dopamine fix, wasting the beautiful act of sex he should be sharing with you on masturbating to porn. I actually feel very bad for men (and women) in today's society who have had to grow up having this type of pornography instantly available at a press of a button, and it's become accepted and "normal." I was with a porn addict before, and I didn't know it for a long time. But the indicators were there. I am a very sexual person, and want to save all my sexual energy for my partner, and if I do masturbate I try (though not always successful) to think of my partner so my brain will link my lover to the great chemical high released after the orgasm. An intimate, communicative, safe, secure, healthy, sexual relationship with your partner is the stuff great, lasting relationships are made of.. and personally, I will never settle for less.
goneundone Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 ...I'm so lost and depressed,I don't know where to turn.It's gotten so bad that I've had suicidal thougths. Do not let an immature, addict control your feelings. Do not surround yourself with negative energy. You have a choice in this matter. Wasting your time and your life on a weak man who has no desire to create a healthy sexual relationship with you will wreck your heart and soul. I would rather be alone then sleep in a bed with a man so self-absorbed. He obviously has deeper issues. Get out now before it's too late. Learn to love yourself, and speak and think only positive things about yourself, and believe in yourself. When you love yourself, you will know when people don't love you, and you will choose to keep your distance. I am sorry you are hurting. For some women, including me, it cuts to the heart to feel sexual rejected and unwanted and replaced by pornography. Treat yourself kindly. The purpose of a relationship is to uplift each other, and help each other be the best you can be... equally. 2
Forever Learning Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Do not let an immature, addict control your feelings. Do not surround yourself with negative energy. You have a choice in this matter. Wasting your time and your life on a weak man who has no desire to create a healthy sexual relationship with you will wreck your heart and soul. I would rather be alone then sleep in a bed with a man so self-absorbed. He obviously has deeper issues. Get out now before it's too late. Learn to love yourself, and speak and think only positive things about yourself, and believe in yourself. When you love yourself, you will know when people don't love you, and you will choose to keep your distance. I am sorry you are hurting. For some women, including me, it cuts to the heart to feel sexual rejected and unwanted and replaced by pornography. Treat yourself kindly. The purpose of a relationship is to uplift each other, and help each other be the best you can be... equally. Great post, very good stuff. I agree.
bob the brave Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Change your name to LaTysha. Usually, I have some thought, but honestly I don't see a positive outcome here. When someone engages in any action to such a degree that it impinges negatively on their relationship and they won't change or even refuse to acknowledge the problem, you have to move on.
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