bolase Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I have had a couple of coffees with a guy at my workplace (entirely different departments, 1000+ employees and we don't work together). He's cool but I'm not interested romantically. At our latest coffee (we have mutual friends), at the end he says, RIGHT at the counter of the cafe we're at, "so I'd like to push the boat out a little further, festival X is coming up, I was thinking of getting tickets to a show, are you keen?" And I, caught off guard, said "oh, um, that sounds good." Afterwards I felt bad, I don't want to date this guy although I wouldn't mind hanging out occasionally. That was Friday, today he texted me with a suggestion of a show in the festival on Friday night and asked if that worked. I know it's rude at this point to say I don't want to go any more. But I also don't want him to buy tickets for me to a show when he is interested in a 'date' and I'm not into him, I get awkward easily and this is already making me anxious. Should I tell him I've changed my mind, or that I'm starting to see someone and he caught me off guard but had better say no (to let him down gently - no he wouldn't find out, but I think that's a bit rich since we both know he didn't mean as friends) or just go, and emphasise the friendly vibe? Which would be hard for me, as when I get nervous, like I would be about him potentially making a move, I do girly things like giggle and flip my hair out of pure nervousness. I know, I'm an idiot for saying yes at the time. But what next?
andy_w Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 If you're definitely not interested in going, I'd say honesty is the best policy. I'd want to be told how it is. 1
sydneysider1978 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Yes, tell him. It's only going to get more awkward the longer you leave it. I think at this stage, particularly as you seem kinda shy, do it by text if that's easier for you. It's not ideal, but probably a better option than you putting it off until he's got his hopes up / bought tickets. 1
Somethngcreative Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Yes, tell him the truth. He'll be mad at first but at least he'll know the truth. I know, I would appreciate that more if I was the guy. He'll get over it and move on. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 "I'm looking forward to going to the concert, but I think it only fair to say right now, that if you're hoping this will progress to anything more than a casual friendship, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not planning on that at all. Still want to go?" 2
Author bolase Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 honesty is the best policy. We work in policy, so perhaps I could include that to lighten the blow...like... "Hey. Well, honesty is the best policy (no pun intended), and you caught me off guard when you asked, but I see you more as a friend. If that's cool, I'd like to hang out again some time." or just no? 1
Author bolase Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Thanks Tara. I just feel so damn presumptuous. But surely his 'push the boat out' comment meant that, no?
normal person Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I think there's been great advice in this thread so far regarding the honest approach. I would add that you should definitely consider talking to him about it ASAP, certainly before he buys the tickets. He's naturally going to be disappointed when you tell him you don't want to go; he'll probably just be angry if you wait until he's out of pocket for tickets just because you didn't want to tell him the truth. I would be. Then you'll probably feel compelled to pay for the ticket anyways because you'll feel bad, and that might come off as patronizing (or patronising as you sound like you might be from the UK). I think it's best to resolve this as soon as you can, good luck. 1
Art_Critic Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 (edited) If you're definitely not interested in going, I'd say honesty is the best policy. I'd want to be told how it is. agreed, even though you took the boat pushed out further thing and helped it along as soon as you figure out that the chemistry isn't there for the long term it is time to axe it. Be swift but kind and do not leave the door open. Edited May 6, 2013 by Art_Critic
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