My best friend has fallen for someone else

[Stressing]

I had been dating my best friend for over a year. Our relationship started out as friends but the it became intimate. We grew very close and even acted like a couple. However, he never wanted to commit because I was going through a contentious divorce which was being dragged out by my ex. During our relationship he would tell his friends and family how much he loved me but when they'd ask him why he wasn't my boyfriend he would tell the because my divorce wasn't finalized. Some of them would tell him to "give it up" which obviously made him feel bad. Nonetheless as time went on we grew very close. He has been honest, respectful, encouraging and always there for me unconditionally. The only issue was that we couldn't have a formal relationship because of my situation. He would keep asking when my divorce would be finalized and all I could say is soon. He then would say, "I know divorced font tale this long" (because his divorce was pretty quick, he and his ex agreed on all issues, though). Anyway, we didn't have a "title" on our relationship but I was just happy to have him in my life.

 

Then, a year into our relationship when we became routine (he'd spend the night, I'd cook him breakfast and we'd see each other every day) I started noticing a change. He'd say he neede to get his stuff done at home which he'd been neglecting (ie laundry, pay bills, buy groceries). He said it was hard because he had another household to maintain and also he needed space, which I understood. Soon thereafter I left to europe for two weeks. I travel a lot and everytime I've left he texts me that he misses me. In fact we could never goode than a couple of days without talking without him texting that he misses me. This last trip, when he hugged me goodbye, I could feel that he was sad to see me go for two weeks. When I got to Paris he texted me that he missed me. I missed him so much it hurt the whole time. I got back and met up with him that same day. I noticed he was acting a little different but I was so happy to see him. The next day I had my brothers Bday party and he had a family gathering. He was going to try to meet up with me later that evening but that never happened. A few days later I told him I noticed he'd been acting different and he said jokingly that he found himself while I was gone. WTH? Then he told me he met a girl at his family gathering and that he feels that God sent her to him

because she is everything he's been looking for. Again im like WTH? Really? He is completely infatuated with this girl that he barely knows and I'm left wondering how I could be so wrong about something that felt so real.Was I delusional? He told me (for the first time ever) that he loved me and that he doesn't want to lose me. Which confuses me even more. Was I just a pastime? I feel like he so quickly discarded me. Now he's dating this girl and tells me how happy he feels when he's around her. But like I said, he's barely getting to know her and they definitely don't have the relationship we did. Btw I told him not to call me anymore but the I changed mind. Didnt want to cut him out completely. He then tells me "Dont you think I miss calling you and telling you how work was and about my day and seeing how you are doing?" Again, this confuses me since he says he has fallen for this girl and how she's his princess. I need to add that I'm very successful and independent. He also makes good money. One thing he's always told me is that he needs to feel like a provider in a relationship and that he can't feel that way with me because I "don't need" him that way. This girl he's dating is unemployed, attractive and high maitenance(hair extensions, nails, etc) how can she afford it? She claims she was dating an nfl football player who ended up cheating on her and that's why they broke up. Anyway, I still can't belie e this is happening. I feel like this is a cruel joke. I am so heartbroken that I cry everyday and sometimes just cry myself to sleep. I feel like I'm mourning the death of a great friendship but I still feel like there has to be an explanation for his behavior. I feeling he may snap out of it but then I feeling Ive lost him forever. Should I just cut him out completely or remain

friends? Please help. I need some advice.

[Anthony2005]

Stressing, my heart goes out to you. It seems that he didn't have positive reenforcement from his circle of friends. Sadly from some who aren't familiar with how a divorce can be dragged out when both parties aren't cooperating. I see a lot of focus on titles which seems to be covering up the root of the problem. I believe the divorce itself was causing a bit of insecurity.

While it is clear he loves you, it seems this other woman is giving him the security he seems to desperately need. The security of being depended on, since you seem to be a very independent woman. Standing outside of this situation I would say that this isn't what you "need" as a relationship. You need a man that can be secure with a strong woman by his side.

But now speaking on what you "want"… you will have to pull away from him so that his relationship with this other woman is forced to stand on it's own. This means that at the moment he won't realize exactly what he's missing if you're there to fulfill what he would be missing with her. You don't have to cut him off completely but you cannot allow yourself to be so available. It's important that you occupy yourself with things that you enjoy so you aren't preoccupied with thoughts of this situation day in and day out. I hope your divorce gets settled soon so you can move on to better things!

[Stressing]

Thank you so much for that advice. It was very helpful and I feel like you truly understand my situation. For now I am going to not make myself so available and just see where things go.