USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Do you tend to tell white lies to someone you're dating...? And do you mind (or even prefer) having white lies told to you...?
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Yes. In the right context. As for the second part, if you're going to tell me a white lie, make sure I don't ever learn the truth. I would actually just prefer you not to tell me much unless it's good.
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Depends what we're talkin about Hokie... White lies like 'yeah, sure I change my underpants every day' Or white lies like 'No, I haven't slept with that person' It's a blurry line at the beginning what can be considered a little white lie, or a biggie. Things aren't clear yet as to what you both want from things, and how are you to know what will turn into a big lie later? Honesty is the way for me. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Depends what we're talkin about Hokie... White lies like 'yeah, sure I change my underpants every day' It's a blurry line at the beginning what can be considered a little white lie, or a biggie. Things aren't clear yet as to what you both want from things, and how are you to know what will turn into a big lie later? Honesty is the way for me. Well, does it matter the degree of the lie...? Is it any untruth or omission of the truth to mask your true feelings in order to protect the feelings of another? Or does the degree of the lie matter to you?
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Well, does it matter the degree of the lie...? Is it any untruth or omission of the truth to mask your true feelings in order to protect the feelings of another? Or does the degree of the lie matter to you? What is the need to tell a lie in the first place? Or omit something you think could possibly be relevant in the future? I've omitted information before, and confessed as soon as I realised it may be an issue. It doesn't always go down well, but the honesty is always respected. These sticky situations in the past have made me a pretty open book. I don't feel the need for lies, especially as someone who has been lied to so many times. It's a biggie for me.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 What is the need to tell a lie in the first place? Or omit something you think could possibly be relevant in the future? I've omitted information before, and confessed as soon as I realised it may be an issue. It doesn't always go down well, but the honesty is always respected. These sticky situations in the past have made me a pretty open book. I don't feel the need for lies, especially as someone who has been lied to so many times. Well here's a quick example to illustrate from my personal life. If a guy asked you whether you thought he had a small/medium/large penis, and he in fact had a small penis, would you have any hesitation in telling him the truth?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Well here's a quick example to illustrate from my personal life. If a guy asked you whether you thought he had a small/medium/large penis, and he in fact had a small penis, would you have any hesitation in telling him the truth? When confronted with this situation (and it happened), I just said "It's the perfect size for me" (it was smaller than average but I truly didn't mind). 1
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Well here's a quick example to illustrate from my personal life. If a guy asked you whether you thought he had a small/medium/large penis, and he in fact had a small penis, would you have any hesitation in telling him the truth? Send me a photo and I'll give you an honest answer I've never been in that position, but yeah, that would be difficult. I'd probably skirt around the subject and say something else. Do guys actually ask about their penis size though? Chances are that if they do, they already know the answer.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Send me a photo and I'll give you an honest answer Uh, no. I need no more honest answers. I've never been in that position, but yeah, that would be difficult. I'd probably skirt around the subject and say something else. So do you think white lies are used maneuver around discomfort? Do guys actually ask about their penis size though? Chances are that if they do, they already know the answer. I'm sure they think about it but are scared of hearing the answer, so they don't ask. I don't think it's common for them to ask a girl directly. I think they'd prefer to live in their own delusion than have it ruined by truth.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 When confronted with this situation (and it happened), I just said "It's the perfect size for me" (it was smaller than average but I truly didn't mind). So if a guy was confronted with a similar situation with you where you asked him something about yourself, would you prefer he answer in a similar fashion?
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Uh, no. I need no more honest answers. So do you think white lies are used maneuver around discomfort? I'm sure they think about it but are scared of hearing the answer, so they don't ask. I don't think it's common for them to ask a girl directly. I think they'd prefer to live in their own delusion than have it ruined by truth. Haha, ok... well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me Yes, I would assume they are used around discomfort. I pride myself on being an honest person, but I'm guilty of omission where I think it's necessary. It's thrown me that this is about penis size. Other questions would have been easier to answer. You never know how you're going to react in certain situations.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 It's thrown me that this is about penis size. Other questions would have been easier to answer. You never know how you're going to react in certain situations. It's not. It was just an example to illustrate. It could be about anything. -Yes, you look good in that dress. -No, you're not fat. -Yes, I love your parents. -No, I'm not allergic to cats. etc... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 When confronted with this situation (and it happened), I just said "It's the perfect size for me" (it was smaller than average but I truly didn't mind). Yes, but honestly I would never put a guy on the spot like that. If he said something negative, even if it's the honest truth, I would start feeling self conscious around him and our connection would deteriorate.
candie13 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Well here's a quick example to illustrate from my personal life. If a guy asked you whether you thought he had a small/medium/large penis, and he in fact had a small penis, would you have any hesitation in telling him the truth? There is such thing as an objective reality, you know? The fact is, if your penis measures 5 cm, little does it matter what your gf or wife tells you, your penis, compared to the average will always be small. However, there are different details that matter - how about a big head, girth, stamina or feelings for you - details that might set the whole sexual experience apart. If a guy who had 5 cm in penis asked me if I thought his penis was small, I wouldn't think that he wants to test me to see if "I am telling white lies", I'd think he is feeling insecure and wants comfort. I agree with the previous poster, if you are really smart, you don't need to tell (white) lies, you avoid those sensitive subjects all together. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. I ain't no saint and chances are, my date ain't one either. And demanding 100% pure honesty is a bit childish - because not telling the truth is not "honest". Up to each one of us to use their judgement to decide who much of "unveiling" of information is healthy.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 I agree with the previous poster, if you are really smart, you don't need to tell (white) lies, you avoid those sensitive subjects all together. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. But isn't this preventing open communication with a partner? What if it was a sensitive subject that actually mattered? Would you simply avoid it altogether just to avoid the short term discomfort and let it fester until it blows up one day?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 But isn't this preventing open communication with a partner? What if it was a sensitive subject that actually mattered? Would you simply avoid it altogether just to avoid the short term discomfort and let it fester until it blows up one day? I think there is such a thing as too much "open and honest communication". 5
Emilia Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Do you tend to tell white lies to someone you're dating...? And do you mind (or even prefer) having white lies told to you...? Is there absolute truth? Is my reality exactly the same as your reality? Do I see the world the same way as you do? Does the word 'lie' mean the same thing to me as it does to you?
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 I think there is such a thing as too much "open and honest communication". Perhaps. I can see it being problematic when you've established 100% open and honest communication; and one person says something potentially hurtful and justifies it by saying something like, "well, it's the truth, I thought we wanted to be 100% honest with each other."
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Is there absolute truth? Is my reality exactly the same as your reality? Do I see the world the same way as you do? Does the word 'lie' mean the same thing to me as it does to you? There are few absolute truths. But there can be truth and accuracy of one's statements regarding their own thoughts and perceptions. "Does this dress look good on me" is not necessarily asking for the absolute truth as to whether the dress looks good on her, but rather, "do you think this dress looks good on me"? So when we ask people questions, especially in relationships, we are asking how the other person sees the world, not necessarily how the world actually is...if that makes sense...
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Is there absolute truth? Is my reality exactly the same as your reality? Do I see the world the same way as you do? Does the word 'lie' mean the same thing to me as it does to you? A lie is an untruth. There is no disputing that, no matter who's perspective you look at it from.
Emilia Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 "Does this dress look good on me" is not necessarily asking for the absolute truth as to whether the dress looks good on her, but rather, "do you think this dress looks good on me"? So when we ask people questions, especially in relationships, we are asking how the other person sees the world, not necessarily how the world actually is...if that makes sense... So you want to hear people's opinions. Does it matter to you what others' opinions are?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Perhaps. I can see it being problematic when you've established 100% open and honest communication; and one person says something potentially hurtful and justifies it by saying something like, "well, it's the truth, I thought we wanted to be 100% honest with each other." This is exactly what happened in my last R. I would be cautious of establishing the "100% truth" rule in my next R. Some things are better being glossed over. Of course, I want the truth on important things. And where is that line? That's pretty hard to define.
Emilia Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 A lie is an untruth. There is no disputing that, no matter who's perspective you look at it from. What is a lie though? In some cultures direct talk and opinions are frowned upon because of the face-saving nature of that culture. It's very prevalent in parts of Asia for example. People are strongly discouraged from giving you their straight opinion to your face. Does that mean they are all liars?
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 What is a lie though? In some cultures direct talk and opinions are frowned upon because of the face-saving nature of that culture. It's very prevalent in parts of Asia for example. People are strongly discouraged from giving you their straight opinion to your face. Does that mean they are all liars? In my opinion, yes it does. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 So you want to hear people's opinions. Does it matter to you what others' opinions are? Do you define one's assessments of his observations as opinions? If you asked someone what color the sky was, would his answer (blue) be his opinion?
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