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crimsoncurrent

By crimsoncurrent
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crimsoncurrent Established Member

crimsoncurrent

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My stats: three and a half year relationship ended, NC for 3 and a half months, BU happened nearly 5 months ago.

 

About 5 days ago, I started using google plus more avidly, making my posts public. I've blocked my ex from my profile, but know if my posts are public there's possibility of her seeing them. I mostly posts random things I find funny and started a community group about different types of comedy. But, a couple days ago, I posted a pic of a note she wrote during my birthday about a year ago, with me burying it. To be honest with myself, because I've been silent for so long during the BU (which for some reason makes me feel like my pain is inconsequential) there's this hope that she'll see my posts. But, with how much time has passed, and the fact that she doesn't use google plus from what I remember, it's more reasonable to think she's not even thinking about me and probably in a new relationship. So, just wondering your thoughts if I should continue to keep my profile public. I'd appreciate your input. Thanks.

Edited by crimsoncurrent
lonewalker Established Member

lonewalker

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What do u hope to get out of this?

 

1) her attention?

2) trying to get her back to you?

3) show how well u lived without her?

 

I think the best way to give a ex lover is indifference.

:) becoz that means u are truely over her.

Even in a bad rs.. the best way to feel for an ex is indifference.. not hated or sadness.

 

I know its hard.. but really... when u are over someone, the only thing u'll feel is indifference.

Edited by lonewalker
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crimsoncurrent Established Member

crimsoncurrent

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What do u hope to get out of this?

 

1) her attention?

2) trying to get her back to you?

3) show how well u lived without her?

 

I think the best way to give a ex lover is indifference.

:) becoz that means u are truely over her.

Even in a bad rs.. the best way to feel for an ex is indifference.. not hated or sadness.

 

I know its hard.. but really... when u are over someone, the only thing u'll feel is indifference.

 

Thanks for replying. Yeah, I can honestly say one of my motivations was to get her attention because it is still very painful to deal with the reality she doesn't really care about me all too much anymore. It was just a petty move on my part. I had a weak moment because, since the semester is over, I've had a lot of free-time, and because of that, I get bored and lonely pretty easily.

CC12 Established Member

CC12

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So, just wondering your thoughts if I should continue to keep my profile public.

 

I don't think you should. You said yourself that it was a petty move in order to get attention from her. I think you should remove the temptation to reach out to her in this way. Firstly, you're not painting yourself in a very positive light by posting emo stuff about her. Secondly, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Even though you know she's probably not going to see it, you're hoping she might. And it probably hurts a little when you get zero reaction. Don't do that to yourself.

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crimsoncurrent Established Member

crimsoncurrent

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I don't think you should. You said yourself that it was a petty move in order to get attention from her. I think you should remove the temptation to reach out to her in this way. Firstly, you're not painting yourself in a very positive light by posting emo stuff about her. Secondly, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Even though you know she's probably not going to see it, you're hoping she might. And it probably hurts a little when you get zero reaction. Don't do that to yourself.

 

Interestingly, after I deleted the posts relating to her, I started to feel a sense of relief. You're right about setting myself up for disappointment. After I would post something related to her, I would wonder for the rest of the day if she saw it. It's just unnecessary mental torture. Thanks for your honesty. There's nothing more I appreciate, seriously.

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CC12 Established Member

CC12

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Interestingly, after I deleted the posts relating to her, I started to feel a sense of relief. You're right about setting myself up for disappointment. After I would post something related to her, I would wonder for the rest of the day if she saw it. It's just unnecessary mental torture. Thanks for your honesty. There's nothing more I appreciate, seriously.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

And I just want to commend you for being self-aware enough to recognize and admit to doing this to get her attention. I think a lot of people would lie to themselves and say they're just innocently posting stuff and if she happens to see it and comment on it then it's just a happy coincidence, or fate or serendipity or whatever. You're not doing that. So. Good for you.

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SalientPoint Established Member

SalientPoint

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Posted

I've been dating for 13 years, am now about late 20's, and have had a lot of really varied dating experience. I've had one night stands, summer flings, casual 2 month dating periods, long term serious relationships, lived with an ex etc, but 4 years ago I dated " the one that got away" that I never fully got over, despite therapy, and feel like I'll never fully be over her. My only hope was to date someone I loved more, and I did have a year and a half relationship after her as well as a lot of casual relationships, and nothing ever compared until latest ex. In a way I actually loved latest ex more, because I trusted her and thought her to be more loyal and supportive than one that got away, so this latest breakup is also causing me to re-live the one from four years ago, and I feel like is sending me back to a really dark place, since I never fully got over the last one, and it took a solid year to even be able to talk about her without lots of pain.

 

I'm a pretty well rounded, functional, and level headed person in every other respect, I just don't know why I can't get over one that got away, and I don't feel ready to deal with it a second time with latest ex. I know I'm relatively young, but twice in 13 years, with two big failures, is just really hard for me to deal with right now. One that got away and are I facebook friends since it has been 4 years, she's happy with her gf that she's been with for about 3 years, and I know they are going to be engaged soon and get married, and I feel like I won't be able to handle it well, on top of getting over latest ex, and the realization that now there will be a second one that got away.

 

Again, I know I'm relatively young, but as I approach my 30's and I've only felt this way twice, I still don't know what self respecting functional adult can't get over things after 4 years, or how to repeat things with the latest break up.

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SalientPoint Established Member

SalientPoint

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Posted (edited)

Sorry for the above post. I meant to start a new thread and it posted in the wrong place and now it won't let me take it down. That's one thing I hate about this site. Anyhow...

 

 

Interestingly, after I deleted the posts relating to her, I started to feel a sense of relief. You're right about setting myself up for disappointment. After I would post something related to her, I would wonder for the rest of the day if she saw it. It's just unnecessary mental torture.

 

 

You did the right thing, and it show's a lot of integrity and good self awareness that you caught yourself. Good for you, and just keep on trucking.

Edited by SalientPoint
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crimsoncurrent Established Member

crimsoncurrent

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Good luck with everything.

 

And I just want to commend you for being self-aware enough to recognize and admit to doing this to get her attention. I think a lot of people would lie to themselves and say they're just innocently posting stuff and if she happens to see it and comment on it then it's just a happy coincidence, or fate or serendipity or whatever. You're not doing that. So. Good for you.

 

Thanks so much, very encouraging to hear. Throughout NC, I have realized the importance of self-awareness when it comes to maintaining NC. I need myself (and others like you) to be brutally honesty with me to continue down the path to recovery.

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Inviv_girl Established Member

Inviv_girl

Posted
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Best to do is NC. I know it is hurt and very hard but it is for the best, Easier said than done. I wish I could apply that to myself as well! in a weak moment sure you think of ur ex- and want some "attention" truth is they probably don;t even care and probably also too busy with the new love:mad: I know it sad but ur not alone!

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