starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 do you think there is something wrong with a person that has not been exclusive with anyone for about 6 years, but has dated A LOT and slept around a bunch. It's weird to not even try to give someone a chance as I'm sure SOME of the people were relationship material.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 It means that he is commitment phobic, so keep that in mind. 2
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 It means that he is commitment phobic, so keep that in mind. That's what I thought too, but then people say OOHHH well they just haven't met the right person yet. They will commit as soon as they do that....blah blah blah I really don't think it's the case *shrug* because they won't let anyone come near!
outsidethebox Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 If they're dating a lot why would you not think they're doing what they like? Why is there something wrong with them? Is it wrong to not be committed to one person?
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 How well do you know this gentleman? Before you go judgemental on him. It's just a question. I live in a big city and have dated a guy like this recently and have met a lot of men like this in their early 30's/late 20's
youngnlove89 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 do you think there is something wrong with a person that has not been exclusive with anyone for about 6 years, but has dated A LOT and slept around a bunch. It's weird to not even try to give someone a chance as I'm sure SOME of the people were relationship material. This was my ex bf EXACTLY who I later found out to be a commitment phobe and we were off and on for 2 years!! AH!! Don't! Walk away. He was single for 4 or 5 years, dates a whole bunch of girls, slept around, each chick lasted at most 2 months, somehow I lasted for 2 years! Maybe the other girls were smart and walked away...hopefully you are the smart girl! 1
Woggle Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Maybe he didn't meet many women he found to be worth committing to. I have seen guys like this settle down when they meet a woman truly worth committing to but they have to truly be worth it.
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 This was my ex bf EXACTLY who I later found out to be a commitment phobe and we were off and on for 2 years!! AH!! Don't! Walk away. He was single for 4 or 5 years, dates a whole bunch of girls, slept around, each chick lasted at most 2 months, somehow I lasted for 2 years! Maybe the other girls were smart and walked away...hopefully you are the smart girl! Yeah I lasted about 4 months and walked away. Never doing that again as I'm getting way too old for this casual crap tbh. I love the speeches people give about these guys not being able to find relationships. Most girls they date would commit if they actually WANTED a relationship so that is not the issue. The guy is the one not wanting one...not the girl. 1
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Maybe he didn't meet many women he found to be worth committing to. I have seen guys like this settle down when they meet a woman truly worth committing to but they have to truly be worth it. Well I guess me and the other 40 girls were just AWFUL people not worth committing to. *shrug*
Woggle Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Two of the people in this thread have admitted in another thread that they are attracted to unavailable men and run the other way when a man actually does want commitment. Maybe this is why many of these men stayed single all these years. It is hard to find a woman who walks the walk when she finds a man who actually is available. When a man finds one very pass it up.
outsidethebox Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 My answer didn't indicate anything about any of the dates not being worthy of a relationship. That's a cop out. A guy with lots of dates for 6 years isn't looking for a committed relationship.
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Two of the people in this thread have admitted in another thread that they are attracted to unavailable men and run the other way when a man actually does want commitment. Maybe this is why many of these men stayed single all these years. It is hard to find a woman who walks the walk when she finds a man who actually is available. When a man finds one very pass it up. Actually I thought this one in particular was available because this is how he came off early on...very BF material and was a little awkward and shy (which I never thought would be a player HA HA). Anyway yes it was my fault for sticking around after I found out he was not looking for a relationship for so many years and was not about to start.
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 My answer didn't indicate anything about any of the dates not being worthy of a relationship. That's a cop out. A guy with lots of dates for 6 years isn't looking for a committed relationship. That's my point. So if you ARE looking for a relationship there is no point in dating a guy you know has been single for this long
Woggle Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 That's my point. So if you ARE looking for a relationship there is no point in dating a guy you know has been single for this long How long or not he has been single has nothing to do with it. He could have been busy building a life that makes him a much better partner. 1
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 How long or not he has been single has nothing to do with it. He could have been busy building a life that makes him a much better partner. Yes, but he also went through a lot of girls within this time and led a bunch on. So it's not like he was building a life and too busy to date. That is not an excuse
Woggle Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Yes, but he also went through a lot of girls within this time and led a bunch on. So it's not like he was building a life and too busy to date. That is not an excuse He just happened not to meet a woman he wanted to commit to.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Maybe he was just having bad luck. It is very difficult to find a woman that wants a relationship with a guy. it's a up hill battle for some men. Agreed. Women are just as bad, if not worse. It's hard to find a decent woman these days.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Personally, I'd have no serious interest in a woman like that, therefore I cannot see why a women would be interested in a man like that from a "logical" point of view. Their issues are obviously beyond me, so why would I expect them to change? From personal experience I see a lot of women thinking they can change men, I've had women try and fix and change me in my past. It was futile, but they were very determined, and I didn't even have to say much to provoke their determination and persistence, some women just can't accept defeat or submit, they'll just keep believing in miracles or fight harder the harder you pull away or the more unavailable you appear...I knew that there was nothing they could do to change it or me, even told them so, but for them that just meant a bigger challenge, bigger prize to win I suppose to some...be the girl that made him commit when no one else could! It's a silly endeavor, knowing what it's like from the other side. But I realized that these women had issues themselves, that pursued unavailable men....commitment issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues, even though a lot of women came from very different backgrounds/upbringings. However If I looked beyond the surface at the type of actual relationships these women engaged in, I could typically see the pattern...although some had no history of it, or much relationship history at all so it was something primarily new to them. Something they weren't familiar or aware of. But I feel pretty confident that I know what to look for but it requires getting to know these women and their personal lives. At any rate, women who are attracted regardless of these "red flags", seem to have repeat behavior and some usually major issues on their end that keep them from pursuing and engaging these type of men. Other women will simply move on find more security in men more available. It's a sad notion for men when it is more attractive to women to be unavailable and somewhat unattainable by women than it is to be the "good guy" who is willing and looking to settle down...I'm not keeping score but from personal experience I've see the unavailable guy get a wide variety of good women and the good guys get the shaft or damaged woman looking for security after being burned by mr. unavailable...hell, I'm sure I've even caused women to do that myself. I've seen a lot of women retreat into the arms of these "safe and secure" kind of men and I can't help but feel bad for them, they in a way got the hard job and duty of fixing someone with all these emotional issues, being the ones who have to be supportive and there for these women. And in the end, I cannot say that these women are really in love with these men at the end of it all...and I'm not even going to get into that.
outsidethebox Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Yes, I agree Starla, a guy who dates a lot of different women for multiple years is not a good candidate for committing to you in a relationship. That doesn't mean something is wrong with him, it means you have different interests. You should be able to find that out in about 5 minutes of a coffee date or even sooner with a couple of messages to save you the trouble of meeting.
Author starla33 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Personally, I'd have no serious interest in a woman like that, therefore I cannot see why a women would be interested in a man like that from a "logical" point of view. Their issues are obviously beyond me, so why would I expect them to change? From personal experience I see a lot of women thinking they can change men, I've had women try and fix and change me in my past. It was futile, but they were very determined, and I didn't even have to say much to provoke their determination and persistence, some women just can't accept defeat or submit, they'll just keep believing in miracles or fight harder the harder you pull away or the more unavailable you appear...I knew that there was nothing they could do to change it or me, even told them so, but for them that just meant a bigger challenge, bigger prize to win I suppose to some...be the girl that made him commit when no one else could! It's a silly endeavor, knowing what it's like from the other side. But I realized that these women had issues themselves, that pursued unavailable men....commitment issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues, even though a lot of women came from very different backgrounds/upbringings. However If I looked beyond the surface at the type of actual relationships these women engaged in, I could typically see the pattern...although some had no history of it, or much relationship history at all so it was something primarily new to them. Something they weren't familiar or aware of. But I feel pretty confident that I know what to look for but it requires getting to know these women and their personal lives. At any rate, women who are attracted regardless of these "red flags", seem to have repeat behavior and some usually major issues on their end that keep them from pursuing and engaging these type of men. Other women will simply move on find more security in men more available. It's a sad notion for men when it is more attractive to women to be unavailable and somewhat unattainable by women than it is to be the "good guy" who is willing and looking to settle down...I'm not keeping score but from personal experience I've see the unavailable guy get a wide variety of good women and the good guys get the shaft or damaged woman looking for security after being burned by mr. unavailable...hell, I'm sure I've even caused women to do that myself. I've seen a lot of women retreat into the arms of these "safe and secure" kind of men and I can't help but feel bad for them, they in a way got the hard job and duty of fixing someone with all these emotional issues, being the ones who have to be supportive and there for these women. And in the end, I cannot say that these women are really in love with these men at the end of it all...and I'm not even going to get into that. Umm giving yourself a little too much credit there don't you think? And maybe the learned how to be treated well after you treated them like crap and are happy in their new relationships? Not everyone is as screwed up as you think!
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Umm giving yourself a little too much credit there don't you think? And maybe the learned how to be treated well after you treated them like crap and are happy in their new relationships? Not everyone is as screwed up as you think! Giving myself credit for what? At the end of the day in general, I don't think it's the men themselves who provoke women to do or feel anything, it's merely what many women want and aspire to gain, as a man you are merely someone to reach that "potential" because it's already in their mind and heart of what they in theory "want"...we men are merely blank slates to mold and imagine into some greater fulfilling fantasy. I give myself very little credit in the emotion I invoke in some women, because I can see equally the type of men that ignite the same. Men who have done very little, given very little and offered almost nothing yet in turn received all of this "emotion"? I mean how does that even make sense, how did that particular man do that? was he the first or just the last? As far as your second statement...it's a nice gesture and assessment in theory, but no I do not agree with it, they simply make a trade for security and stability so they can achieve the things they desire in life. They are foregoing those other emotions....you can say otherwise, but personally I do not see it. "Not everyone is as screwed up as you think!" I think human beings are pretty screwed up in general....some are just much better at covering it up than others. Many more are in denial of their issues.
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