Do you consider marriage sacred?

[Eggplant]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

[tbf]

I don't respect it to the degree of living a lifetime in an unhappy marriage. People change, particularly when they get married young. If you've tried everything and still can't get along, why stay together?

[Eve]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

I suppose it depends on the meaning of the term marriage for those involved.

 

On a positive note, I think those who can work on their problems find the means to do so, even beyond the four reasons given for divorce.

 

Love covers a multitude of sins and all that ..

 

As for being an institution. I am not sure about that. People have various reasons for getting married in the first instance which can have little to nothing to do with love. Often the 'marriage' is just a means to house their children, or for companionship, which goes back to the question of the definition of marriage.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[dichotomy]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

From which sacred belief system do you derive these 4? From Christian belief system I thought there were only two.

 

I also don't know how to define abuse (physical, emotional, financial?) or addition (drugs? food? spending?) or abandonment (physical pretense, sexual abandonment?).

 

What about marrying on false pretenses? Person is not who you were led to believe or hid big things from you.

 

What if the other person does not think it is sacred?

 

But I think your point is - do you think marriage should be for the long hall - a real vow of commitment and something special that should endure the ups and downs good and bad? Yes I do, and why I am in mine, even through some very serious pain and suffering.

[carhill]

Do you consider marriage sacred?

 

Not adhering to any particular religious belief system, my answer is no.

 

Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

I respect it as much or as little as any other institution. If it commands and inspires respect, that. If not, that. Just like other institutions, each marriage is unique. Some I have great respect for. Others, none at all. Most likely, that matters little in the scheme of life. I hope it matters in some way to those who are married. It's their marriage.

[TaraMaiden]

I consider it to be both unnatural and untenable...

[pink_sugar]

I don't respect it to the degree of living a lifetime in an unhappy marriage. People change, particularly when they get married young. If you've tried everything and still can't get along, why stay together?

 

I agree. It's funny how you can get married at 18 or younger with parental consent, but cannot have a drink. People do change and there a certain things that just don't fly. A good example is when one of you wants to have an active lifestyle and healthy diet regimen, but your partner is a couch potato and refuses to change their eating habits. These sort of things affect you and the lifestyle you choose to have. If you partner is not supportive of that, that is a dealbreaker IMO. People also do change and no one should have to be stuck in an unhappy relationship. Some things you just cannot work out.

[worldgonewrong]

I consider marriage sacred, yes.

Sometimes one of the parties or both parties lose sight of that sacredness, hence it can all fall apart.

[Sarabi]

I consider it to be both unnatural and untenable...

 

Lol!!! love it

[Sarabi]

I would like to get married one day

I don't particularly see how it is sacred except within a religious context...its a legal contract to provide rights and security between people and as such, has nothing to do with love(although love definitely helps!)

 

I do however think that some of the things parading as "marriages" are making a mockery of other people who have stable and decent relationships/marriages and I have little respect for those...

At the end of the day it probably doesn't matter. It is their business. I can't force someone to keep their marriage sacred it is up to them to do the work...and as I understand it, its very hard work.

If I get married and keep my marriage sacred and respect my husband and marriage then surely that is all that matters...

[worldgonewrong]

Sarabi: Marriage is NOT hard work if both parties are happily doing the lifting.

[Act Two]

I read a good quote on this today that I believe, which is something to the effect that all marriages require hard work and sacrifice, and to that end I believe marriage is sacred and where they can be saved, they should be. But marriages that bring pain to its inhabitants on a regular basis are wrong. That might be a cause of abuse (emotional/verbal/physical), infidelity, or addiction.

 

That's not the same thing as "oh, you don't give me butterflies anymore, I'm not happy."

[Ninja'sHusband]

I consider marriage to be sacred because it is an institution that cares and provides for our children, physically and emotionally. A good marriage demonstrates to a child how to live their life with someone when they are older. If families with children break up, that's so much harder throughout life than if the family had remained whole. Estranged parents, increased financial burden, complex relationships with parent's new partners coming in and out of their life...all endure after divorce (well finance may be temporary) The first holiday after our split, my daughter just wanted us to all go to the fourth of July together as one family. I said I wished we could too...

 

Marriage is hard. It's not all about fuzzy feelings and romance. If you aren't ready to dedicate yourself to a family and to work through the hard times...I think you shouldn't be getting married...and even sex is a risk tbh. Marriage is a safe place where you can have kids.

[MissBee]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

My marriage will be sacred, because for me it will not only be a legal union, but one that has spiritual meaning for me as well and I only intend to marry if I believe that union will be of service to me and my partner and a wider community of people.

 

Not everyone is spiritual or religious, and sacred, while I suppose can also be employed more broadly, usually implies that. So I imagine for some people they don't view marriage in that way at all. Which is totally fine. I don't really care what other people define marriage as for themselves and how they conduct theirs. I don't need them to be married how I think they should be and treat it how I would...I just need who I'm marrying to be on the same page about OUR marriage. I don't think other people "making a sham of marriage" lol as it is sometimes hilariously put, affects the value of my own (when I have one).

Edited May 6, 2013 by MissBee

[todreaminblue]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

 

the bonds of marriage are sanctified and sacred........i do respect marriage.......for a long time i disregarded the fact that my mother suffered emotional abuse in her marriage...and was hard line trying to get my parents back together......actively.......i think if it were just emotional abuse on my mother she would have stayed in that marriage........what eventually forced my mother to leave the marriage is the fact that he wanted no contact with me or my sister ........he just wanted my mother.......and it was too much for her.....makes me sad.......he had so many qualities i respected......one of them i didnt respect, was his brutal coldness, he was not an affectionate man ...suffered no fools...or daughters for that matter....he resented whole heartedly any time my mother devoted to us...even if it were to write a letter to us.....he would ridicule her for writing a loving letter...she continued to do so ...until she left.......marriage is a two way street...compromise and give and take......i do believe in marriage that exist on these principals......and the four reasons you have given are perfect examples why marriages today break down....i love my mother, she is a loving beautiful woman who now has decided to spend the rest of her life without a partner, and my father, never remarried, it is a bit haunting actually they are still...to this day...not divorced.............deb

[candie13]

people do fall inlove and out of love quite often, this is what scares me. When I was with my ex of 7 years, I knew he was the one. I was patient. I had faith. And yet, I was not the one for him. Crazy, how life goes to prove one wrong, ain't it?

 

I was 100% convinced that I believed in marriage, but nowadays, it only looks like a prison to me, to keep the partners confined in it. True love needs no securities, no guarantees. One must be able to come and leave as he pleases, to actually make an active choice of staying in that relationship, every day, because he wants to, not because he had no other choice. to me, that is the true measure of a great relationship. I get the feeling that marriage secures the couple, but makes the relationship fragile.

 

a wonderful, amazing person in his 20 will be just as amazing in his 30s and even more amazing in his 40s.

 

and I am really scared about the expectations it raises from the partner and about the pressure it puts on the couple. That's why I actually fear marriage, because of the pressures, once in it.

[TaraMaiden]

Sarabi: Marriage is NOT hard work if both parties are happily doing the lifting.

 

As is usually the case, 'if' is a big word.....because sadly, they ain't....

[2sure]

Sacred ? Such a ...deep word , but yes.

I think the commitment , the vows, and the contract is to be respected and protected. Not no matter what, but pretty close.

 

I think selflessness on both parts should always be a given because that's what makes a marriage into one unit together. At the same time we each have to be willing to sometimes do more than our share . When a partner can't or won't. For a time, not wait it out forever with no change.

 

I think the marriage is a living and evolving thing that should be expected to change as individuals will do. That's life, it's expected and embraced.

 

I think that love has many different phases, forms, and meanings. The importance of which also changes. There is an ebb and flow. It's not always what you want.

 

I think that sometimes, when it's really hard, we need the integrity of our promises and the logistics of our families, and the terms of the legal contract...

To keep us in place as motivation to figure it out, overcome obstacles, and face challenges.

 

I've been divorced three times.

[cocorico]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

No, I don't consider M "sacred" or respect it as an institution. I'm not big on institutions and consider most to be toxic.

 

It is not as simple as "if you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married" - many people marry for all kinds of other reasons. In my own case, we love each other and want to live together, and from where we stand now we hope that will be until the end of our days but we're both realists and accept the right of each other to change their minds about that, so we accept that it may not turn out to be "forever", and that's OK too, because the time we will have had together will still always make it worthwhile.

 

Our first choice would have been simply to live together, without the piece of paper, but sadly states don't work like that and for him to be able to live in my country, and me to be able to live in his, or for both of us to be assured of getting visas together for any other country, we need to be M.

 

If we were not M, we would love each other no less.

[Eggplant]

People also do change and no one should have to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.

I view marriage to be much different from just a "relationship." Once you tie the knot, you are family members. I think you have an obligation to your partner not to give up on him/her unless the circumstances are dire. It's a serious commitment and many people if not most people definitely should not do it.

[BetheButterfly]

To answer the title's question: Yes.

 

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment.

 

Great reasons. I also add a 5th: incompatibility. Sadly, there are cases where people "fall in love" and get married even though they are totally incompatible.

 

Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together.

 

This is very much the ideal. However, when 1 person doesn't want to work together, the marriage is doomed. When the team has been split into 2 opposing sides instead of the couple being on the same side, it's truly hard to "work through their problems and stay together." The couple has to not see each other as the opposition, but rather see themselves as a team working together for their marriage to be a success. I have learned this the hard way.

 

If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married.

 

Good advice, and also I think it'd be good to ask why if someone doesn't want to make such a commitment. Is it fear? If so, what can one do to not be afraid?

 

It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

I respect marriage as a promise/covenant with another person. I'm not sure if I see it as an "institution." Rather, I see marriage as a life promise: the promise in my husband and my case to love each other, be faithful to each other, and live life together!!!

[BetheButterfly]

I consider it to be both unnatural and untenable...

 

It really depends on a couple's personal experiences. Both my mom's parents and my Dad's parents were married till death did them part, and both obviously considered marriage to be natural and tenable, as well as beautiful.

 

My Mom's parents were married for almost 50 years until my Mamaw died from cancer. They truly advocated marriage and living together as a team. They were married since they were 16 years old. While I don't believe in people getting married as teens nowadays, they were very mature for their age.

 

My parents also believe strongly in their marriage and have endured difficult roller coasters due to various factors, yet their marriage has gotten stronger than ever. It hasn't fallen apart.

 

Basically marriage is an empty box that is what the couple puts into it. If a couple puts Love and Kindness and Respect and Trust and Faithfulness into it, that's what marriage is. If they put Selfishness and a Mean Spirit and Disrespect and Sneakiness and Unfaithfulness into it, that's what it is.

 

So yeah, it really depends on the couples' experience. With my first husband, I experienced that marriage/promise/commitment to be miserable, unnatural, and untenable . With my husband who I believe is my soulmate for life, marriage is AWESOME and yes very sacred, natural, and tenable!

[BetheButterfly]

Sacred ? Such a ...deep word , but yes.

I think the commitment , the vows, and the contract is to be respected and protected. Not no matter what, but pretty close.

 

100% agreed.

 

I think selflessness on both parts should always be a given because that's what makes a marriage into one unit together.

100% agreed.

 

At the same time we each have to be willing to sometimes do more than our share .

Yeah, though it sure is nice when both people in the marriage do their "share"!

 

When a partner can't or won't. For a time, not wait it out forever with no change.

Yeah

I think the marriage is a living and evolving thing that should be expected to change as individuals will do. That's life, it's expected and embraced.

That's a beautiful way to put it, and yeah it's been amazing to me to see my parents' marriage grow. I remember days when they would be fighting and how I would wonder if they would divorce, and how my Mom told my Dad that she would separate if he didn't take medicine for bipolar (after he was finally diagnosed). His love for her motivated him to take meds when he didn't even think he was truly bipolar. Now though he understands and he and my Mom have grown so much; it really is cool how their marriage is a living and evolving identity. I asked my Mom once if she would have married Dad if she knew he was bipolar, and she said yes. She says love is worth it.

 

I think that love has many different phases, forms, and meanings. The importance of which also changes. There is an ebb and flow. It's not always what you want.

That's an interesting thought. Could you please explain that more?

I think that sometimes, when it's really hard, we need the integrity of our promises and the logistics of our families, and the terms of the legal contract...

I 100% agree about the integrity of our promises. I don't understand the logistics of our families part, and I don't agree with a legal contract for marriage. I don't see what the government has to do with 2 people promising to love and be faithful to each other, or whatever promises they promise in the marriage contract.

 

To keep us in place as motivation to figure it out, overcome obstacles, and face challenges.

 

I've been divorced three times.

I've been divorced once, and I don't ever want to divorce again. I think that the reason I married again is because I do believe marriage is beautiful when two people who love each other, are compatible, and are interested in being life partners commit to each other. My husband and I want to live life together, and I very much hope our love grows! I know there's a risk that our love and marriage can die, but we want to strengthen them to last the test of time!

 

Don't lose heart about the # of divorces! One of my mentors is a lovely lady who has been divorced 3 times too. She has been married for 8 years now to a wonderful man and they are a great team together!!!

Edited May 9, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[annaballerina]

I take my vows very seriously and have tried for years to work through our problems but The problems never get resolved. You can try and try but if your spouse isn't willing to work with you then those vows are hard to stay true to.

Emotional abandonment is just as much a factor.

You need two people to make a marriage and it's vows mean something

[annaballerina]

Sarabi: Marriage is NOT hard work if both parties are happily doing the lifting.

 

I love this! Very true