Jump to content

MM wants to go ahead proceeding with our plan

Mount

By Mount
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
Posted (edited)

MM and myself will have been in one year relationship at the end of this May, during last 11 months he always delivered all his promise on any things big or small. Meantime we have been seeing each other in very discreet way every week.

 

At the beginning of this year I have been testing him/poking him about his plan/action for our next step, he told me that he would need 3 more months-ish to let our relationship more mature .

 

The end of May one of his adult children will have a milestone event, so his family will attend to celebrate.

 

During last few weeks he has mentioned to me that he wants to tell his wife about our A next month and asks for separation/divorce because he wants his wife/children to still enjoy the celebration mentioned above, so ask me to prepare the upcoming outcome - either good or bad based on his wife's reaction. Also, even though the out of our A might impact our work (we work together), but he is not big fan of continuing hiding our relationship at work anymore. He said he wants our relationship to be open at work, so we can leave together, go in office together, just like other company couples doing (our company allow/encourage employees being together, but of course no Affair I guess).

 

Even though I did have some trusting issue from past experience, thus he is very transparent to me, upon my request he is always offerring me detail cellphone billing for me to look...etc, to ensure me to trust him.

 

Now I feel like I am a bit hesitate to welcome the upcoming storm in order to advance our relationship into next step.

 

Even though you might tell me that he is just saying, or is just to string me along (for one more month?)...etc, as initially I thought so as well, but it seems like not.

Edited by Mount
2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
Posted

When he told you to be prepared for either a good or bad outcome depending on his wife's reaction to being told of the affair...

 

How will her reaction change things?

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I did not write clearly, his this sentence was addressing my question regarding the impact at work of his outing our A to his wife, and asking for leaving marriage.

 

Good means - his wife will leave quietly, without sabortage him/me at work; Bad means - his wife will tell his coworkers (whose are my coworkers too), as we intend to keep workplace being last known.

 

He now seems to be more determined than me.

 

When he told you to be prepared for either a good or bad outcome depending on his wife's reaction to being told of the affair...

 

How will her reaction change things?

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I already said for him about your words (I am way too smart than that )during last few weeks, as I was questioning why he is so determined to do next month-ish, he said to me he can wait one more month, but what is the point or what is the difference to wait more. Then I am speechless....

 

Sounds like a bunch of words to keep you happy.

 

Just wait, after the big event for his kid, something else will come up.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I own that part as I do have trusting issue , i.e. not only for him, I don't trust my co-workers at workplace either without knowing better/longer.

 

He is just doing every single thing I asked to make sure I need to trust him. But again, I am the way I am, can't help. I always analyze things too much before executing/doing things.

 

You are together in only an affair capacity right now and you find it necessary to check his phone bill. Is that any way to start a relationship? It will get worse not better.:(
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted

I thought you weren't serious about MM and you were dating a single guy. :confused:

 

In any case, to be honest, I don't believe him, so update me in 3 months time or after he tells her.

  • Like 7
  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I am sure I want him/love him.

 

Yes he is elder than me.

 

No our workplace, as it happened before at other employees, and they are fine.

 

I'm getting that you aren't sure if you want him all to yourself, is that right?

 

Isn't he quite a bit older than you?

 

Some companies fire people for affairs, is this a possibility?

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I tried, but 0 sparkle from me for the single guy, I could not string the SG along, so I broke it off.

 

Likewise, I would like to know as well, and would like to know myself being prepared for the storm.

 

I thought you weren't serious about MM and you were dating a single guy. :confused:

 

In any case, to be honest, I don't believe him, so update me in 3 months time or after he tells her.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

He said he trust me, it seems that he does.

 

 

 

That's right, she was, I think mount just posted something about that the other day.

 

Does he have trust issues with you mount?

 

I've never gotten the impression that she cared much at all about him from her posts.

Edited by Mount
Journee Established Member

Journee

Posted
Posted

You almost sound like a BS requesting phone bills and possible empty promises. If he can actively deceive his family ,he can do that to anyone....including his OW. You already feel this. It's not for me to understand but ask yourself if this is really what you want. Once he is all yours ,will you worry about him finding a new OW?

  • Like 7
  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Of course I knew words mean nothing...

 

Even today I was asking MM if he tried to test me how determined I am, that is why he is firmed about the timeline to proceed breaking off his marriage.

 

I would like to know what is going to happen too, or shall I be ready for the storm after he exposing the A and asking for separation.

 

 

Well keep us posted. I will believe it when you tell us he did it, then I'll tell you that of the few that leave, most go back. Sorry to be such a cynic but it's true.
  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

To be honest, I have not thought that far yet...I need to prepare the storm if the MM really means what he said he is going to do...:sick:

 

 

You almost sound like a BS requesting phone bills and possible empty promises. If he can actively deceive his family ,he can do that to anyone....including his OW. You already feel this. It's not for me to understand but ask yourself if this is really what you want. Once he is all yours ,will you worry about him finding a new OW?
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
I did not write clearly, his this sentence was addressing my question regarding the impact at work of his outing our A to his wife, and asking for leaving marriage.

 

Good means - his wife will leave quietly, without sabortage him/me at work; Bad means - his wife will tell his coworkers (whose are my coworkers too), as we intend to keep workplace being last known.

 

He now seems to be more determined than me.

 

Mount, expect the worst, hope for the best. OF COURSE his wife is going to out you two at work. People also are not stupid, they must know 'something' is going on anyway between the two of you. When the news comes out and is confirmed, most will say 'ahh thought so!'.

 

He doesn't need to 'ask' to leave and divorce. He can just tell her and file.

Now I feel like I am a bit hesitate to welcome the upcoming storm in order to advance our relationship into next step.

 

Even though you might tell me that he is just saying, or is just to string me along (for one more month?)...etc, as initially I thought so as well, but it seems like not.

 

Anyway, you've invested yourself in him and the A, against all advice. Might as well see how it all plays out.

 

If he truly loves you, he'll have your back, just like you'll have his. If your love is strong enough and the glue that holds you two together is strong enough too, then together you two will survive the fallout and consquences.

 

The real issue is, you two are gonna go straight from affair, to out in the open relationship so that affair dynamic that some really enjoy will disappear. It's not just fun and games anymore..If you two do end up together, it's 24/7. The good, the bad and the ugly.

  • Like 1
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
or shall I be ready for the storm after he exposing the A and asking for separation.

Be ready for anything and everything.

 

Also, again - IF he wants to really leave, he will. He doesn't need to ask his wife for a separation/divorce. He can just do it.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Believe me even if I want to do it, let him on his own to deal with all the upcoming storm, he won't let me off the hook. he already said he's forseeing all the emotions once he exposes the A, but he will have me as his back.

 

I dont mind waiting more time, but he then asked me back what is the point to wait more. As I said in my previous post, I was speechless when he said that.

 

 

My opinion is you should break it off, right now. Let him deal with it on his own, it's HIS marriage, not yours.

 

Give him a deadline, then if he follows thru with papers in hand, go for it. If he can't do it without you to cushion him, then it's a mistake. If you can't wait, then it's a mistake.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He has to ask because all the $$ will need to be split into half, because their millions of assets binding together. Also he forsees either his wife will leave the house, or he needs to move out.

 

Be ready for anything and everything.

 

Also, again - IF he wants to really leave, he will. He doesn't need to ask his wife for a separation/divorce. He can just do it.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

LG - do you mean I did not care much about single guy or MM?:sick::sick::sick:

 

Just for perspective I do care and love MM of course.

 

That's right, she was, I think mount just posted something about that the other day.

 

Does he have trust issues with you mount?

 

I've never gotten the impression that she cared much at all about him from her posts.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
He has to ask because all the $$ will need to be split into half, because their millions of assets binding together. Also he forsees either his wife will leave the house, or he needs to move out.

 

He needs to let her have the house. I mean, what? one day are you gonna move into their martial home? Don't think you'd enjoy that much, her style everywhere, their lifetime of memories... Wouldn't it be better to start fresh and get a house together to build a life with him?

 

Question and I'm not sure if I asked you this before. Do you want children?

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey WWI, thanks for those caring questions...but at this point, realistically I have not thought that far yet.

 

I was a bit doubtful and feel interesting that he seems to be determined to go ahead within next short timeline. I am also wanting to know what is going to happen.

 

Yes he did also mention he will want to purchase a house for us if his wife wants to keep house.

 

Anyway that would be the final logistic thing to worry about.

 

 

 

He needs to let her have the house. I mean, what? one day are you gonna move into their martial home? Don't think you'd enjoy that much, her style everywhere, their lifetime of memories... Wouldn't it be better to start fresh and get a house together to build a life with him?

 

Question and I'm not sure if I asked you this before. Do you want children?

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
Posted

Do you feel any regret over breaking up a marriage? You are probably much younger and more alluring than his wife.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
Hey WWI, thanks for those caring questions...but at this point, realistically I have not thought that far yet.

He needs to as well. IS he really divorcing his wife because he does not want to be married to her at all anymore? He'd rather be alone than stay married? OR, is he divorcing to be with you. IF that latter is the case, then you better decide 100 percent if you're in or out. And DO think ahead and the future.

 

I was a bit doubtful and feel interesting that he seems to be determined to go ahead within next short timeline. I am also wanting to know what is going to happen.

It's out of your hands. Whatever is gonna happen, will happen.

 

Yes he did also mention he will want to purchase a house for us if his wife wants to keep house.

 

Anyway that would be the final logistic thing to worry about.

Well, I do hope you both don't just jump and move in together. He is going to need time to adjust as well as grieve the loss of the life he once shared with his wife and family (kids). Extended family, inlaws, all have to told and dealt with, as well as the $$ issues. Give him space and put your sex life on hold until he is officially divorced.

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I was just asking the same question this afternoon (following bold part), asked him if he is clear about the impact/response on his extended family, adult children...etc. He was telling me how he is going to split the asset...

 

I am more concerning about the emotional repercussion from his family side, including his wife.

 

He needs to as well. IS he really divorcing his wife because he does not want to be married to her at all anymore? He'd rather be alone than stay married? OR, is he divorcing to be with you. IF that latter is the case, then you better decide 100 percent if you're in or out. And DO think ahead and the future.

 

 

It's out of your hands. Whatever is gonna happen, will happen.

 

 

Well, I do hope you both don't just jump and move in together. He is going to need time to adjust as well as grieve the loss of the life he once shared with his wife and family (kids). Extended family, inlaws, all have to told and dealt with, as well as the $$ issues. Give him space and put your sex life on hold until he is officially divorced.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted

Mount...do you WANT to be with this man?

 

If he really divorces, will you be happy and want a life with him?

 

Nothing you've ever said makes me think you like him that much...except the fact that you post about him. I can't tell if you just try to sound casual and like you don't care as a defense or if in fact you're not that attached to him?

 

I guess because you've always acted so nonchalant it seems very random and weird to see this new update. Soo do you want to be with him full time in a normal R? :confused:

  • Like 3
  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey MB, I almost wanted to post the same thing about myself. Due to my study background, I naturally don't know how to write in emotional phrases, you can observe all the posts here were more tend to be cold fact, logical or mechanical way.

 

Also personally I don't understand poem, essay. Also I dont understand or how to appreciate a painting...etc. But that does not mean I don't have emotion.

 

And I think myself very much attached to him very deeply.

 

 

Mount...do you WANT to be with this man?

 

If he really divorces, will you be happy and want a life with him?

 

Nothing you've ever said makes me think you like him that much...except the fact that you post about him. I can't tell if you just try to sound casual and like you don't care as a defense or if in fact you're not that attached to him?

 

I guess because you've always acted so nonchalant it seems very random and weird to see this new update. Soo do you want to be with him full time in a normal R? :confused:

  • Author
Mount Established Member

Mount

Posted
  • Author
Posted

All close to 30's, or over 30

 

Why would you think his wife would just go quietly away?

How old are his kids?

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...