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The War is Over

youngnlove89

By youngnlove89
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
Posted (edited)

There are so many things you can tell yourself to justify an unjust situation. So many excuses, reasons, lies, ideas, hopes, dreams, words, that you can tell yourself, and everyone else, to make it okay in your mind. And when they disagree, you fight. You fight with every ounce of your being, because this is the love you have been waiting for, the love you have been told to wait for since you were a child: the love that only happens in fairy tales.

 

And it’s happening to you. So you fight.

 

You conditioned yourself to believe that the way he spoke to you, the way he treated you was just a stepping stone on the path to true love. You cling tight to the belief that you will be the one to change him. You will be his knight and shining armor. The girl who changed his life. The belittling names he called you were just figments of a soon forgotten past; just a bump in the road. A small sacrifice required to get to where you were supposed to be, with the man that a fairy tale fate had predestined you to love. He found what made you ache; he discovered a way to bring to life that part of you that was ignited by fairy tales since two years old; that part of you that, in real life, had never really been triggered in quite the same way. You’re hooked.

 

You fight every day to accept that the man who looked like prince charming and spoke like the evil stepmother, the wicked witch, was your fairy tale fate, your destiny.

 

You sacrifice your mind, your heart, your love, your self-confidence, your independence. You sacrifice anything and everything because it feels worth it. If you give it your all, every ounce of strength in your being, you will eventually win. So you fight with everything you have, everything you value, everything that has ever made you, you. And then you lose.

 

You lose a battle that you had lost long before it had begun, because you were fighting a battle that was never real. You were fighting for an illusion: the illusion that the person you loved so so much wasn't really the person you could honestly and openly acknowledge he was. Because the person you loved was a monster.

 

How could you love a monster?!

 

You can’t. And you didn't. You loved the illusion you created for that monster. You turned the beast into a beauty, refusing to consciously acknowledge the transformation you created in your own mind. You clung to a vanishing act, hopelessly waiting for his next performance to assure you that were doing the right thing.

 

But when the vanishing act, an optical illusion of sorts, is called out by too many disillusioned individuals, it becomes hard to so strongly stand for something you can’t even grasp with your own two hands. It becomes hard to hear words and endure treatment you believed were a mandatory part of this thing called “love,” because so many real people questioned the magician behind the trick. Your armor is dented. Your sword is bent.

 

You begin to resurface from the black sea you had been swimming in, the blind and bottomless pit of denial. You begin to notice the discrepancies between the proclaimed love and the hard evidence. You begin to question everything.

This is the hardest part; it’s easy to love a love you truly and whole-heartedly believe in. But to have your own mind question it? It’s a disaster. Devastating.

 

And now only after everything has been demolished and destroyed and wiped away can you see the small part of you that shot a flaming SOS into the sky the second you laid eyes on that man, the second you fell victim to him.

 

So here I stand defeated, worn, and out of breath from the battle of truth and illusion. But I rest knowing that I fought with strength, with reason and with determination. Throughout this war I realized that you can't slay every dragon, you can't out run every troll, but you can walk away from the one that let you go.

 

This war is over. You win.

Edited by youngnlove89
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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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ooookay so what exactly is the situation now? Are you guys seeing each other?

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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ooookay so what exactly is the situation now? Are you guys seeing each other?

 

NOPE. :(

 

 

 

 

*10 characters

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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NOPE. :(

 

 

 

 

*10 characters

 

So what went on between the time you engaged with him and now?

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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ooookay so what exactly is the situation now? Are you guys seeing each other?

 

LMAO You always just have to cut right to the chase huh :). Love it. Cav

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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You always just have to cut right to the chase huh :). Love it. Lmao. Cav

 

I mean all I saw was this huge wall of literary text and no real status update. I know she fell off the wagon. Was just curious as to where things stood now. haha.

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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I mean all I saw was this huge wall of literary text and no real status update. I know she fell off the wagon. Was just curious as to where things stood now. haha.

 

Haha. "Huge wall of literary text" your killing me.

 

I love what younglove writes but maybe she needs to go out and get wasted and kill some brain cells and take a break from the deep thoughts! Seemed to work for me (in moderation of course :). Im sure glad im not as smart or deep thinking as she is or id still be suffering maybe.

 

One my BU goals was to stop thinking unless absolutly necesary!. Lol Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Haha. "Huge wall of literary text" your killing me.

 

I love what younglove writes but maybe she needs to go out and get wasted and kill some brain cells and take a break from the deep thoughts! Seemed to work for me (in moderation of course :). Im sure glad im not as smart or deep thinking as she is or id still be suffering maybe.

 

One my BU goals was to stop thinking unless absolutly necesary!. Lol Cav

 

Honestly, I think that thinking, and over-thinking and continuing on like this just forces the brain to dwell on the situation. I also agree that she needs to get out. From what I understand, she doesn't really have a social circle, and I think that's the first thing she needs to address in terms of changing.

 

That's really one of the reasons I was able to get over my ex of almost 3 years so quickly. I forced myself to go out in the beginning, and then I actually started enjoying it. I don't think I've sat home more than 5 times in an entire year. I'm always out doing, and experiencing. Not even just bars and drinking. For example, I go to music festivals, I got back into gymnastics, I attend stunt classes (trampoline & high falls), I go out to brunches, and dinners with my friends, comedy shows, drag shows... the list just goes on and on.

 

Once your mind and thoughts are redirected elsewhere, these walls of texts will stop and the mind will be much healthier.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Honestly, I think that thinking, and over-thinking and continuing on like this just forces the brain to dwell on the situation. I also agree that she needs to get out. From what I understand, she doesn't really have a social circle, and I think that's the first thing she needs to address in terms of changing.

 

That's really one of the reasons I was able to get over my ex of almost 3 years so quickly. I forced myself to go out in the beginning, and then I actually started enjoying it. I don't think I've sat home more than 5 times in an entire year. I'm always out doing, and experiencing. Not even just bars and drinking. For example, I go to music festivals, I got back into gymnastics, I attend stunt classes (trampoline & high falls), I go out to brunches, and dinners with my friends, comedy shows, drag shows... the list just goes on and on.

 

Once your mind and thoughts are redirected elsewhere, these walls of texts will stop and the mind will be much healthier.

 

Wish I had a solid support group where I now live. Or that the town was big enough so that I could go out and enjoy festivals and such without fear of running into the ex. But no dice :p Well that's what I get for moving with the ex to bum-f**k No-wheresville, CA...

 

Poor me :rolleyes:

charlietheginger Established Member

charlietheginger

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You tried to turn a frog into a prince...

You can put a wig and shirt on a frog

But

under it all a frog will always be a frog

Toddbt12y1 Established Member

Toddbt12y1

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You tried to turn a frog into a prince...

You can put a wig and shirt on a frog

But

under it all a frog will always be a frog

 

Don't give him the credit of a frog.

 

I'm sure a frog is twice the man as he.

 

I'm sure of it.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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So what went on between the time you engaged with him and now?

 

Just writing to try to feel better is all.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Just writing to try to feel better is all.

 

How does dwelling on this situation make you feel better? All you're doing is analyzing, over analyzing, pondering, etc etc etc. You should go out, pick up some hobbies and then come back here to write about THAT. Not about this commitment phobe, egotistical, waste of a human being.

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Toddbt12y1 Established Member

Toddbt12y1

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You keep sharing your emotions. I for one. Want to hear and respond.

 

Certainly never be silent.

 

One day...you will have to stop wasting mental energy on him. But...don't be fooled: that is for you to decide on when to stop.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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How does dwelling on this situation make you feel better? All you're doing is analyzing, over analyzing, pondering, etc etc etc. You should go out, pick up some hobbies and then come back here to write about THAT. Not about this commitment phobe, egotistical, waste of a human being.

 

 

I agree, but it's still fresh for me. I'm a hopeless romantic entirely. I can't help it. I am mushy, gushy, and oozing full of love. I hate that part of me.

 

I frickin loved that "commitment phobe, egotistical, waste of a human being."

 

Sucks. But I'm trying. I made plans for the weekend and I'm grabbing drinks with a friend this week. Also looking for a part time job just to keep me busy.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted
I agree, but it's still fresh for me. I'm a hopeless romantic entirely. I can't help it. I am mushy, gushy, and oozing full of love. I hate that part of me.

 

I frickin loved that "commitment phobe, egotistical, waste of a human being."

 

Sucks. But I'm trying. I made plans for the weekend and I'm grabbing drinks with a friend this week. Also looking for a part time job just to keep me busy.

 

You're 2 years out. Nothing about this is fresh. You keep picking the scab off. It's an old wound desperate to heal.

 

Keep making plans. Good start but make more.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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Keep making plans. Good start but make more.

 

 

Keep making plans? Like what? Go to the movies by myself? Dinner by myself? I don't have that many friends here to be honest. All of them have bf/gf's or work weird hours.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Keep making plans? Like what? Go to the movies by myself? Dinner by myself? I don't have that many friends here to be honest. All of them have bf/gf's or work weird hours.

 

Why do you keep making excuses for yourself? I highly doubt you live in a town with a population of 10.

 

How many friends do you think I had when my ex of 3 years dumped me flat after I pretty much made him and his friends and his family my life?

 

One of my good friend's favorite thing to do is eat dinner by herself. She's not ugly or a loser or friendless. It's just "her" time. She brings a book and enjoys a meal.

 

How many times have I posted this? MEETUP.COM

 

MAKE friends. Why do you think you can't get over your ex? You're clinging to any attention he gives you bc you have no life but its apparent you a desperate for one.

 

Nothing's going to happen until you take initiative. Until you decide enough is enough. Until you create the life you want. No ones going to hold your hand, and nothing's going to fall into your lap.

 

Writing posts isn't going to change your life, ACTIONS change your life.

  • Like 2
CompleteFailure Established Member

CompleteFailure

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Why do you keep making excuses for yourself? I highly doubt you live in a town with a population of 10.

 

How many friends do you think I had when my ex of 3 years dumped me flat after I pretty much made him and his friends and his family my life?

 

One of my good friend's favorite thing to do is eat dinner by herself. She's not ugly or a loser or friendless. It's just "her" time. She brings a book and enjoys a meal.

 

How many times have I posted this? MEETUP.COM

 

MAKE friends. Why do you think you can't get over your ex? You're clinging to any attention he gives you bc you have no life but its apparent you a desperate for one.

 

Nothing's going to happen until you take initiative. Until you decide enough is enough. Until you create the life you want. No ones going to hold your hand, and nothing's going to fall into your lap.

 

Writing posts isn't going to change your life, ACTIONS change your life.

 

Though a lot of what you write makes sense... Some people are born writers, maybe they find comfort in it?

 

Also, some people are just naturally more introverted and/or not as confident socially to go out and meet 10 new friends a week.

 

Young I think what you posted was well written and imaginative, though it only reminds me of what my ex probably thought/thinks/had to deal with so I'm a bit confused as to how I should really feel lol

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Though a lot of what you write makes sense... Some people are born writers, maybe they find comfort in it?

 

Also, some people are just naturally more introverted and/or not as confident socially to go out and meet 10 new friends a week.

 

Young I think what you posted was well written and imaginative, though it only reminds me of what my ex probably thought/thinks/had to deal with so I'm a bit confused as to how I should really feel lol

 

Writing for comfort is fine. Writing the same exact thing for 2 years straight in various forms is not fine. It's obsessive and compulsive.

 

And I challenge you on "naturally introverted/extroverted." I grew up shy. I was always the quiet one. The girl who didn't talk. The girl who had a hard time making female friends. The girl who was scared to speak for fear of sounding stupid.

 

When my ex dumped me I fought tooth and nail to change that about myself. As an adult being shy is no longer cute. It just allows you to get walked on and overlooked in ALL aspects of life. Friendships, relationships, the work place.

 

I'm now the girl who goes out and talks to everyone. Meets new people from minute one and goes home with a new friend. I was uncomfortable at first, but you learn. If anything, now I'm obnoxious because I'm on the complete other end of the spectrum and I'm loud and sometimes talk over others.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted
I agree, but it's still fresh for me. I'm a hopeless romantic entirely. I can't help it. I am mushy, gushy, and oozing full of love. I hate that part of me.

 

I frickin loved that "commitment phobe, egotistical, waste of a human being."

 

Sucks. But I'm trying. I made plans for the weekend and I'm grabbing drinks with a friend this week. Also looking for a part time job just to keep me busy.

 

 

Don't EVER hate that part of you. It's a part of who you are. And I promise that one day, you're going to meet a guy that is going to absolutely fall in love with those qualities that you state that you now hate.

 

You're going to find a good guy that's smart enough to realize that if he treats you with love and respect, he's going to get the same back and probably more. He's going to cherish the fact that you wear your heart on your sleeve and make yourself vulnerabe to him because you trust him with your heart.

 

You know, women complain that the good guys are always taken and they get their hearts abused by the "bad boys". Well, the same can be said about women for us good guys. That your heart took such a beating from the "bad boys" that you feel you have to hide away those qualities of gushing lovingly and being a hopeless romantic because you put it out there once and the douche rocket abused and used it. Therefore, you tend never to let it out again for the RIGHT guy.

 

Don't ever hate those qualities about yourself. Someone will love that about you. I promise. If you don't believe me; don't take this the wrong way, but if I were single and you had those qualities and if those are your actual legs in your profile pic (because....DAMN!!!), I would be bugging the hell out of you! :p

  • Like 1
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Keep making plans? Like what? Go to the movies by myself? Dinner by myself? I don't have that many friends here to be honest. All of them have bf/gf's or work weird hours.

 

 

Join some local clubs. Join a cycling club (cycling clubs take weekend trips together and go mountain biking to some pretty awesome places). Join a running club (Running clubs go to different running events and a lot of them are starting to go to mud runs which are REALLY fun. I mean, I'm sceduled to do a Run For Your Life 5k in a couple of months. A zombie infested obstactal course where zombies are chasing after you. How cool is that!). Take scuba diving lessons. Join a gym and sign up for a spin class. You meet a lot of awesome people doing these things. Community theater.....anything!!!!

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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but if I were single and you had those qualities and if those are your actual legs in your profile pic (because....DAMN!!!), I would be bugging the hell out of you! :p

 

Kinda creepy...

Tree_Salmon Established Member

Tree_Salmon

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Join some local clubs. Join a cycling club (cycling clubs take weekend trips together and go mountain biking to some pretty awesome places). Join a running club (Running clubs go to different running events and a lot of them are starting to go to mud runs which are REALLY fun. I mean, I'm sceduled to do a Run For Your Life 5k in a couple of months. A zombie infested obstactal course where zombies are chasing after you. How cool is that!). Take scuba diving lessons. Join a gym and sign up for a spin class. You meet a lot of awesome people doing these things. Community theater.....anything!!!!

 

Look, I respect some of you people here (include you Chi) but you have to stop telling these girls what they want to hear because you want to f**k them.

 

Everything Katzee says is true. You have to make the conscious effort to change things or else you'll get exactly what you settled for. We've all been there. I was introverted more than anyone in this place. But things changed when i decided to change them. Much happier now than i would have ever been if i stayed that way.

 

What you're doing ISN'T working, try something new. Be someone new.

Be someone better.

 

Fear is a dream killer.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
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Yeah, maybe a little so I'll shut up now. But the point is to never lose those qualities because someone will appreicate them.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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