blrbkr85 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 This might be long... just want some feedback. Some biographical info. 50 year old male. Single since 2006. Married 16 yrs. My only marriage broke up due to an affair on her part with an old classmate of both of ours. He just got divorced and spent lots of time with us while going through all his issues. My ex is a narcissist and did not think twice about it. It was awful but I survived and spent a couple years focusing on making sure my kids were ok, so I did not date hardly at all. Since then I dated about 12 women, some once, some for about 3-4 months, some on and off for years. I never felt 'in love' with any of them but felt close to one who bounced into and out of my life about 4 times but would drop out of sight for months and reenter. I am fairly confident she was not dating others, but a little afraid of committment. Unfortunately with each reunion, it was more difficult for my heart to fall completely for her due to her leaving. We broke up for good last October when I gave up after not seeing her for 6 weeks (constant communication but no 'dates'). In November as I was approaching my 50th birthday, I decided to kick it into gear and started being much more agresssive on my online dating attempts. I asked somebody out in late November, we went out once and had a decent time. Around that time I got a notice that somebody was interested in me. I have my own rule of only dating one woman at a time, so I just noted her but was intrigued. After the first date with the first woman I asked her out again and she accepted. I think she may have found someone else because after a number of attempts to schedule a 2nd date, she apologized and said she changed her mind. I contacted the second woman, we exchanged a few emails and decided to chat by phone in early December. The first phone conversation was unbelievable. It was like we already knew each other. one of the best phone calls of my life. We had a few more phone calls then started face to face dating about a week later. This started a regular relationship of incredible dates. Every date (even the shortest one drink dates) was one of the best I have ever had. Lots of laughs, good conversation, and hot kissing during and at the end. All different types of activity... just awesome times. I met her family (her parents, sister, son), attended church with her multiple times... it was great. We never ever had the slightest disagreement. Everything seemed cool. In mid March, I started to see some small changes in behavior. Still the same good dates, but affection was not as 'hot". But there still was some romance, aka holding hands, hugging etc... just lower on the temperature scale. We still saw each other regularly although not as regularly as I wanted. Usually 2 times a week. She has lots of girlfriends who she likes to socialize with and she stays active with her sons school activities. Two and a half weeks ago, I noted that she went to a bar on her day off (as seen on Facebook). I did not think much about it until I saw a comment from a recent male FB friend she just added. About 2 weeks ago this guy posted a pic of her and him from that Friday night. I still trusted her so I did not think much about it but I was a little concerned. She told me we could go out on that Sunday. I was hoping for a dinner or movie but she wanted to meet for a drink. She had just worked out and met me there in work out clothes. After some chit chat and comments from her that she had gained weight (asking me to feel her swollen (as she saw it) lower leg) I asked her what she was doing the next weekend. She said she had some plans. She had a slightly pained expression on her face. I asked her if she was ok, she said just a little tired. Then I asked her if we were ok and she sat there white faced and quiet for 2 minutes. I asked her about the guy. Apparently he is an old crush of hers from 30 years ago in college. He is about 3 years older than her and was an athlete. He recently moved back to town from about 4 hours away. I cannot tell you how crestfallen I felt.... One week prior we went to church followed by a long lunch. It was a nice time but again she was slightly distant. She thanked me two or three times verbally and by text over the next day. She told me that she went home after the lunch and invited a girlfriend over. She told me she asked her friend what was wrong with her, what is she doing, and that I fit every credential that she is looking for in a man... I sat there listening kind of numb. She mentioned that in six months that she would probably regret it. She is very cognizant of her appearance. 49 years old (she is obviously dreading 50 from her comments), very fit, runs all the time, does not eat much, fights her wrinkles..... She keeps in touch with many of her high school and college friends (both schools are local). She has had some bad experiences in life and even though I think she is a good mom, I think she looks forward to being free. She is also in the initial stages of menopause. The first week after this I was a mess. I finally was able to sleep through the night at about the 12 day mark and my appetite is finally returning so I am getting over the shock. It brings back lots of bad memories about my divorce issue and in some ways it is worse since my trust level I think was higher with her than my ex. (people who know narcissists will probably understand) Anyway just trying to figure this thing out. I can't say whether I would take her back but I can definitely say I fell head over heels and was definitely planning big things even though it had been only 4.5 months. I would think at age 50, I could figure stuff out but I am a little lost. Before I met her, I thought there was something wrong with me. "why am I not falling for any of these women I am dating....?" Thanks for reading this.... Just typing it is a little therapeutic.
Author blrbkr85 Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 By the way, this drink ended rather odd.... she just left saying she had to go home, no hug but no finalization. I was in limbo. After a couple of days of 'WTH is going on?" I pressed the issue. She said she would call. She ended up texting me saying she was frustrated that she wasn't falling in love and then found herself being attracted to somebody else. So she had to end it. My response was that she did not end it. I found out about the other guy.... that ended it. She replied back saying the best she could do was be good friends.... 'you are a good man...'. UGH. She did not unfriend me on FB. I did, however.
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