Goodbye Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It's funny how we justify behaviors & situations while in the affair. When I suspected my ex-mm might've been trying to pursue other woman (after we called things off), I simply emailed his wife & told her of the affair. But this is how warped my mind was during all of this. To me, it was ok that he had a wife, but God forbid he go out & find another other woman. In my mind, I figured his wife can babysit him better than anyone. He wasn't going to come into my life, turn it upside down, make me broken promises, cut me off & then think he was going to find another affair partner. Over my dead body...not on my lost time or broken heart. Insert Fatal Attraction line here: "I'm not going to be ignooooored, Dan!" Funny thing is I had no proof he was actually seeking anyone else. At the time, I just let my paranoia get the best of me. He did jokingly mention how if him & I didn't work out, he was going to turn into a man-whore. So I'm sure those words were replaying in my mind, along with the fact that he was able to easily cut me off. I never understood that, so I just assumed he might've been pursuing others. And how did his wife respond to your email?
Author latergater Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) It's funny how we justify behaviors & situations while in the affair. When I suspected my ex-mm might've been trying to pursue other woman (after we called things off), I simply emailed his wife & told her of the affair. But this is how warped my mind was during all of this. To me, it was ok that he had a wife, but God forbid he go out & find another other woman. In my mind, I figured his wife can babysit him better than anyone. He wasn't going to come into my life, turn it upside down, make me broken promises, cut me off & then think he was going to find another affair partner. Over my dead body...not on my lost time or broken heart. Insert Fatal Attraction line here: "I'm not going to be ignooooored, Dan!" Funny thing is I had no proof he was actually seeking anyone else. At the time, I just let my paranoia get the best of me. He did jokingly mention how if him & I didn't work out, he was going to turn into a man-whore. So I'm sure those words were replaying in my mind, along with the fact that he was able to easily cut me off. I never understood that, so I just assumed he might've been pursuing others. But, here is the difference between your situation and mine. I had known my ex MM for 30 years and I never ever persued him or went looking for a relationship. In fact, the night we decided to meet for drinks after not seeing eachother for many years prior, at some point in the evening, I started to cry and told him about all I had been through in the months prior. I told him I was a wreck over my breakup and the passing of my friend. I confided in him, said I didn't know what to do, how to heal from the events that had just thrown my life into a tailspin. Because I had known him for so many years, I thought I could trust him. He told me he had always had a thing for me and that he and his wife and him were having major problems. He wasn't happy and had almost left her the year before due to an addiction problem of some sort - with Vicodin. He told me they were not doing well, he didn't know what to do about it, and several weeks later throughout the first year of our relationship, he told me he wanted to leave his wife for me. I told him not to say those things to me because he didn't mean it. I told him I was NOT breaking up a family and I told him to stop saying things he didn't mean. I begged him to walk away, not get more involved with me if he was not being honest. I told him I COULD NOT afford to get hurt again. How was I to know? I had never been involved in this type of situation before!! I really did think if things did not get better with his wife he would leave (*BUT it was NOT going to be because of me.) And, IF he ever did leave his wife, yes, I would absolutely have wanted to be with him. But never did I want him to leave his wife/family because of ME. We were not only lovers but best friends. We were completely open with each other. It was NOT this fairytale romance .. we argued and had disagreements. We said things to each other in anger so I thought this was the real deal and at the end of the day, I told him all I expected was absolute TRANSPARENCY and honesty. Why did I think he was lying to his wife? Because she was addicted to Vicodin! They weren't having sex, etc. and all of the other lies he told me (the Vicodin issue she had, however, was true. I have been able to confirm this). I told him to be honest with me -- begged him to walk away if he was going to hurt me or do me wrong. I told him if he wanted to see other women, he needed to just tell me and I would let him go. I BEGGED HIM and I told him from day 1 how vulnerable i was (big mistake) but .. he should have known better to walk away since HE had been involved in numerous affairs before reconnecting with me. I didn't know this, of course, until Feb when I came across the messages. So, yes, I think he is to blame for not being honest with someone he had known for pretty much his entire life. I told him exactly where I was at .. and he was only interested in serving his needs at the time. What makes me even more angry is that, in February 2013, from the facebook messages, I learned he was seeing another woman from the bay area who lived blocks away from me .... taking HER on trips, having sex with HER, had just met her a few months prior -- at the same time he was persuing me HARD and telling me he wanted to leave his wife for me. He was taking her away one month and me the other, lying to us both, the whole time. He wasn't even LIVING here when we reconnected (was living in Canada) but travels a great deal. When I learned of this, I was absolutely appalled. And, the stories go on and on and on. I hate him. Edited May 13, 2013 by latergater
Author latergater Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Wow wow WOW! A true textbook sociopath. I'm sorry I missed where you said you just found out you were duped in your other posts. I can totally see why you fell victim to him...apparently the whole world is/has! Yikes. Now that you exposed him run run run for cover. He is probably a narcissist on top of it and when they have narcissistic injury they retaliate. That's why you should expose him to the OWs too! Get yourself some back up just in case because he can't deny a whole group of women. I would still talk to therapist though because you've been manipulated by a sicko. There is bound to be some fallout emotionally once your anger subsides. I commend you for having the courage to do what's right. That took BAL*S! You are a strong woman! Thanks! I'm still dealing with the aftermath of this whole thing, and its been six months. I haven't gone on a date, period. I can't even look at men, period. And, I so want to get on with my life but have NO .. absolutely NO interest in men. It sucks. I wanted to tell you that I did send the messages to his f-buddy in the UK. Do you know what happened? She never even replied -- not a word, not a sigh .. nada. I have no idea if she got the messages or not but I would have to say yes .. I think he is still seeing her. I have my reasons for thinking so. she's clearly a nut-job if she stays with a dude who has done this to GOD knows how many women. But, its odd -- i don't think women appreciate what other women do for them - i told her to WARN her and she doesn't even respond with a who the hell are you .. or thanks for letting me know I've been duped by Ted Bundy? What the hell?
Oldspiceywolf Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Damn! This dude is a beast! Unfortunately I know a lot of dudes cut like this, I'm almost cut like this, I think like him sometimes... A lot, but I stop myself from acting on it. I'm actually kinda lucky I got married before I found out I had a side like this in me because with time and no accountability I would have developed it into a deadly weapon. Stay away from powerful men, bankers, big business dudes, politicians. . . Life is only a game for guys cut this way and obviously they aren't all like this but if you don't have a eye for spotting the sincere ones do yourself a favor and don't put yourself in the middle of a trap. Humanities professors, coaches, therapists, men who work with their hands usually have a whole lot less bull**** going on but they might not be as I treating or as desirable as these guys because their life isn't built on image, they just live. Hope you find healing and whatever else you look for in life, sorry you ran into a predator.
Author latergater Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Damn! This dude is a beast! Unfortunately I know a lot of dudes cut like this, I'm almost cut like this, I think like him sometimes... A lot, but I stop myself from acting on it. I'm actually kinda lucky I got married before I found out I had a side like this in me because with time and no accountability I would have developed it into a deadly weapon. Stay away from powerful men, bankers, big business dudes, politicians. . . Life is only a game for guys cut this way and obviously they aren't all like this but if you don't have a eye for spotting the sincere ones do yourself a favor and don't put yourself in the middle of a trap. Humanities professors, coaches, therapists, men who work with their hands usually have a whole lot less bull**** going on but they might not be as I treating or as desirable as these guys because their life isn't built on image, they just live. Hope you find healing and whatever else you look for in life, sorry you ran into a predator. @Oldspiceywolf;5379431 I know a lot of powerful successful men and they are NOT all like this. My father for example -- my sisters husband, a number of girlfriends who have husbands who make a ****load of money and are very successful but don't cheat on their wives. And, mind you, I too have a successful career in technology (big business as you call it) and know a number of men that I work with who are beyond decent characters. The guy i was involved with was not a big fish when he was young. He came from a middle class family but became a senior executive at a Fortune 100 company very early on in his career. He got a big head. He thought he was owed the red carpet and pretty much had it roll out at every stop. He made 2 million dollars in 2012 and was known by everyone in the community -- the girls couldn't drop their pants fast enough. And, the women he was unable to "obtain" (ie: me) when he was young/naive were the women he was in pursuit of -- an acquisition so to speak. He told me he had always had a thing for me but I didn't give him time of day in those days. It wasn't because I wasn't interested. I guess I was involved with other people, young and carefree, and didn't really look at him in that way. Tell me - you say this guy sounds a lot like you. How could someone like yourself or this guy do something like this to a girl you have known for 30 years and then go home to your wife like nothing happened? And then dish someone you were supposed best friends with (me) to the side once you had gotten your kibbles.
nicepuzzle Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I was nvolved with my XMM same character. He came back in my life after 6 years NC, showed tears feelings and than I found out there are tons of other partners on the side. When I confronted him, he cut off and told me he blocked and wanted no contact. Powerful man who made it big... how can he come back in my life, makes me all emotional and than cut off without giving any explaination or apologies of having other partners and plus used no protection. I told everythng to his wife and they are still together. These kind of men are master manipulators and manage multiple women well, telling each woman that they are speical. I am sure, he told his wife the same. They are convincing. Remember, how they climbed corporate ladder they must be smart to do that. I have moved on with my head, but still my heart think of the time we spent together... I took my revenge and atleast the best came out of it is that I cut myself and his wife will babysit him,so I dont have to see him and fall into his games again... Just REMEMBER, their wifes dont leave them and WONT.
nicepuzzle Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Damn! This dude is a beast! Unfortunately I know a lot of dudes cut like this, I'm almost cut like this, I think like him sometimes... A lot, but I stop myself from acting on it. I'm actually kinda lucky I got married before I found out I had a side like this in me because with time and no accountability I would have developed it into a deadly weapon. Stay away from powerful men, bankers, big business dudes, politicians. . . Life is only a game for guys cut this way and obviously they aren't all like this but if you don't have a eye for spotting the sincere ones do yourself a favor and don't put yourself in the middle of a trap. Humanities professors, coaches, therapists, men who work with their hands usually have a whole lot less bull**** going on but they might not be as I treating or as desirable as these guys because their life isn't built on image, they just live. Hope you find healing and whatever else you look for in life, sorry you ran into a predator. Agree, all they know is how to do business and love is a game for them.
nicepuzzle Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 It's funny how we justify behaviors & situations while in the affair. When I suspected my ex-mm might've been trying to pursue other woman (after we called things off), I simply emailed his wife & told her of the affair. But this is how warped my mind was during all of this. To me, it was ok that he had a wife, but God forbid he go out & find another other woman. In my mind, I figured his wife can babysit him better than anyone. He wasn't going to come into my life, turn it upside down, make me broken promises, cut me off & then think he was going to find another affair partner. Over my dead body...not on my lost time or broken heart. Insert Fatal Attraction line here: "I'm not going to be ignooooored, Dan!" Funny thing is I had no proof he was actually seeking anyone else. At the time, I just let my paranoia get the best of me. He did jokingly mention how if him & I didn't work out, he was going to turn into a man-whore. So I'm sure those words were replaying in my mind, along with the fact that he was able to easily cut me off. I never understood that, so I just assumed he might've been pursuing others. I did the same to my Xmm who had multiple women. I bet his wife is still with him? They dont leave them.
Ziz Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Lesson learned: NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN. 3
Author latergater Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Send these emails to her AND the OWs. Everyone needs to know so they can get checked for STDs! You played along with him and if you are really serious about being a stand up gal then send them to all the women being duped by this guy. He's a disgusting excuse of a human being! I also highly suggest you get into therapy to figure out why you were involved with him. Ahh, I never sent an update to my last post on here! Update from my very last post ..so ... I sent the email messages to her via MAIL on January 4th 2014. I couldn't get over the hurt and I was sick of feeling like he got away with murder. So I printed and sent the messages. I'm sure she received them but I have no way of really knowing. I sent them in an envelope that looked somewhat inconspicuous. Yes! And since that day ..I have definitely made some progress. Maybe I'm the devil (not), but as far as he is concerned! I want to scream out ...Happy new year you bottom feeder ...I mean cheater! Ha Edited February 25, 2014 by latergater
Mycatsnuggles Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 That this post would be updated moments after I believe I received information which leads me to believe he is cheating on me and his wife. I'm stunned. Still in basic denial while I await confirmation of his cheating on the affair partner. I believe I'm in shock. Honestly, I thought his wife babysat him so well there was no way in hell he could see someone else. Like a BS I want to believe he couldn't, that I meant something to him, and quite honestly he was very sexually satisfied by me. He actually cried last night when I said we should stop. And yes he is a very successful business man. I knew I was his ego stroke, I thought I was his only ego stroke. No emotions yet just stunned.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 That this post would be updated moments after I believe I received information which leads me to believe he is cheating on me and his wife. I'm stunned. Still in basic denial while I await confirmation of his cheating on the affair partner. I believe I'm in shock. Honestly, I thought his wife babysat him so well there was no way in hell he could see someone else. Like a BS I want to believe he couldn't, that I meant something to him, and quite honestly he was very sexually satisfied by me. He actually cried last night when I said we should stop. And yes he is a very successful business man. I knew I was his ego stroke, I thought I was his only ego stroke. No emotions yet just stunned. Your MM is a skilled liar and manipulator, now he's not only gone behind his wife's back and had an A with you, he's gone behind your back and has another OW. He is going to do what he's gonna do and put himself first all the time. And it IS all about him, his ego, his needs. Hope you walk away and ignore his crocodile tears, they aren't sincere, they are in the moment tears...of manipulation to make you feel bad for him.
Mycatsnuggles Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 He's messaging me believing I'm another woman. I so want to be wrong. Yes this is a deal breaker. Even more ironic, I need confirmation it's him. Right now he's still anonymous. Even I can't cry on demand and I'm a hell of a liar. I guess they delude themselves into believing their own lies why it's so believable.
Popsicle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Lesson learned: NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN. This. I might be alone here, but I would just cut myself loose of the situation. It's not like I didn't know he was married and told lies (he did to his wife). I would accept accountability and move on, getting to the business of healing and learning from my mistakes. I bet the wife already knows anyway. Plenty of women stay with known cheaters.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 He's messaging me believing I'm another woman. I so want to be wrong. Yes this is a deal breaker. Even more ironic, I need confirmation it's him. Right now he's still anonymous. Even I can't cry on demand and I'm a hell of a liar. I guess they delude themselves into believing their own lies why it's so believable. Just end it. You're not obligated to him and he isn't obligated to you. Finding out that he has another OW just shows who he is.
spice4life Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Ahh, I never sent an update to my last post on here! Update from my very last post ..so ... I sent the email messages to her via MAIL on January 4th 2014. I couldn't get over the hurt and I was sick of feeling like he got away with murder. So I printed and sent the messages. I'm sure she received them but I have no way of really knowing. I sent them in an envelope that looked somewhat inconspicuous. Yes! And since that day ..I have definitely made some progress. Maybe I'm the devil (not), but as far as he is concerned! I want to scream out ...Happy new year you bottom feeder ...I mean cheater! Ha I'm glad you making progress! I never updated either because I failed miserably and I am going back into therapy. Had a huge wake up call that snapped me right out of denial. So much so that I came 100% clean to my family because I need help.
experiencethedevine Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Women stay with high flying men they know have a multitude of other women because to them, the luxury of the lives they have courtesy of their husbands substantial wealth is compensation. They sacrifice their basic need for monogamy and loyalty for all the material trappings. Otherwise, the man who has multiple other women has problems he would do best seeking professional help with.
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