Facebook messages about other women MM seeing

[latergater]

Question for you ..

 

If you found out that the MM you were involved with (you had known for 30 years and considered one of your best friends) was sleeping with other women and lying about it, while you were together, what would you do?

 

What if the wife had just found out about YOU and your ex MM was making it seem like you were the ONLY one he was involved with.

 

I do not want to tell the wife about these other women but my friends tell me I am making a HUGE mistake by not doing so. My ex MM is a sociopath - I'm fairly certain of it. I know that he will contact these other women when things settle down - he will not change. He is only pretending he wants to change so he doesnt lose his family. That's what happened the first time (I clearly did not know about the first time this had happened. He lied about that too)

 

How did I learn of these women? He exchanged messages on facebook with a friend of his and I stumbled across the messages in February when he forgot to log out of his fb account. A few examples of the dialogue include him laughing it up about mutual friends on fb that he wanted to bang" and making rude remarks about a woman he was seeing in the UK (while we were still together) telling this friend of his "I'm going to jizz in her. I told her to figure it out. Then he remarks, "Why couldn't we have been like this in high school -hysterical --women are so naive."

 

I know .. he's horrible. What would you do?

[Goodbye]

In that case, I'd feel sorry for the wife and tell her.

[2sunny]

I'd tell the wife.

 

I'd also never refer to anyone like that as"my friend".

[MissBee]

Question for you ..

 

If you found out that the MM you were involved with (you had known for 30 years and considered one of your best friends) was sleeping with other women and lying about it, while you were together, what would you do?

 

What if the wife had just found out about YOU and your ex MM was making it seem like you were the ONLY one he was involved with.

 

I do not want to tell the wife about these other women but my friends tell me I am making a HUGE mistake by not doing so. My ex MM is a sociopath - I'm fairly certain of it. I know that he will contact these other women when things settle down - he will not change. He is only pretending he wants to change so he doesnt lose his family. That's what happened the first time (I clearly did not know about the first time this had happened. He lied about that too)

 

How did I learn of these women? He exchanged messages on facebook with a friend of his and I stumbled across the messages in February when he forgot to log out of his fb account. A few examples of the dialogue include him laughing it up about mutual friends on fb that he wanted to bang" and making rude remarks about a woman he was seeing in the UK (while we were still together) telling this friend of his "I'm going to jizz in her. I told her to figure it out. Then he remarks, "Why couldn't we have been like this in high school -hysterical --women are so naive."

 

I know .. he's horrible. What would you do?

 

Umm wow....

 

He's pretty gross and is an overgrown 13 yr old.

 

I'd tell his wife! No question about it. Whether she chooses to believe or not, you can't control that, but I'd let her know.

 

He deserves to be alone.

[spice4life]

OMG...eww!!! What a disgusting pig! I would tell his wife AND the other OWs and then I would rush to the doctor and get checked for STDs. What a disgusting horrible excuse for a man. I'd blow that world up right quick without a second thought.

[latergater]

Fow here, his wife needs to know what she is really dealing with, you and her both need to get checked for stds.

 

I would forward the PROOF with an apology to his wife. She has a right to know.

 

Thanks. I have been checked out already and yes, he gave me HPV. I was FURIOUS .. and I NEVER slept with him again - this happened in February.

 

I should have been smart enough to walk away from the 30 year old friendship THAT MONTH. But I guess he talked his way out of it and although I vowed to never sleep with him again, I did want him in my life as a friend. His friendship did mean something to me. You know those types who have this amazing ability to talk and connect and you feel like you have known them forever (even though I had) .. I guess I had wiped the concern to the side since I was only going to keep him as a friend in my life. I vowed to never sleep with him again. And didn't.

 

I can mail the notes to her tonight. He is traveling until mid week. They are in black and white so she will believe me (I did a screen capture on each of the messages after reading them.) They clearly indicate HIS name within the navigator .. and the other person he is messaging. I have been a FOOL. Thanks everyone.

Edited May 6, 2013 by latergater

[KraftDinner]

What an absolute douche.

 

That's all I have to say about that.

 

Oh, and definitely tell the wife. Keep us posted.

[latergater]

I told the wife about the other women my ex MM was involved with. I sent her a message on facebook including the name(s) of women I knew of and the friend that my ex MM had been discussing these women with. I didn't send the actual emails; they were too heinus.

 

I sent a text message to his phone this morning (typed in the words kr as if I had "butt texted him by mistake), just to see if my number had been blocked (my ex said he would never speak to me again if I told his wife about the facebook messages) and low and behold, my number IS NOW blocked. Oh well.

 

I am curious to know what is going on in their marriage but I guess it really doesn't matter. I blocked his numbers a few days ago so I shouldn't be surprised that he blocked mine. He probably feels I went back on my word (at one time I promised I would never tell her about the messages. Well, I guess I changed my mind). The way I look at it, he has been betraying MY TRUST for two years so .. what goes around comes around. I hope he rots in hell.

[spice4life]

This is very sobering. I hope this brings you closure and a sense of peace once and for all. I know I would be absolutely furious if I found something like this out and yes, worlds would be blown up for sure!

[Praying4Peace]

I wish you had sent the emails. He's obviously a master manipulator, liar. He will talk his way out of it. Make you out to be a "crazy OW". And when someone wants to believe, they will. His W is going to feel like her world is imploding and will be in denial and on top of that he's going to go all out on the lying. I'm sure he already has- he blocked you. He is probably holding his trembling W close assuring her that the 'crazy W' is not going to break them and their lovely marriage apart.

 

See if you can send them. At least he'll be caught in another lie.

[latergater]

I wish you had sent the emails. He's obviously a master manipulator, liar. He will talk his way out of it. Make you out to be a "crazy OW". And when someone wants to believe, they will. His W is going to feel like her world is imploding and will be in denial and on top of that he's going to go all out on the lying. I'm sure he already has- he blocked you. He is probably holding his trembling W close assuring her that the 'crazy W' is not going to break them and their lovely marriage apart.

 

See if you can send them. At least he'll be caught in another lie.

 

Really? Should I? You don't think it's going too far? I was reluctant to do so because he is very connected in the area where I live (the bay area) and i do not want to cause a holy war. I have a feeling if I were to send the messages to her, he might do something to seek revenge such as getting a restraining order against me or something. I am not kidding -- this guy is TED BUNDY. He is smoother than any guy you could imagine and he has an evil side although it remains sealed in his phony exterior of being happy go lucky and acting as if all is great even when its not. I don't know if I should. What if I do .. and he sees this as me "harrassing" or making contact with his family because I have now sent two pieces of communications to his wife and decides to get a restraining order or something nutty? I could see him doing this because he mentioned it to me when his wife found out about me. The day she found out he told me "she wants to get a restraining order" to which he replied to HER "Honey, you can't get a restraining order. She hasn't DONE anything!" Maybe he is waiting for me to make contact with them one too many times and slap me with one .. I just don't want to take the chance. At this point, I think its best to walk away.

[latergater]

Let me recite .. or retype (rather) one of the messages I have, amongst the many others.

 

His friend was the person he was conversing with. I will refer to them as Ted 1 and Ted 2 (I will refer to my ex MM as Ted 1)

 

Ted 2 (friend) writes: So, about Katherine (using Katherine as I do not want to use the real name of the gal they were talking about) I can't believe none of you tapped that. Her face held up pretty good. Must have gotten raped or something to end up in bum f__ middle of nowhere married to father time.

 

Ted 1: Ha. What a whore. I remember her cathedral uniform had cum stains all over it. I think she was such a whore bag that she had to pull a kindergarden cope and show up in some bum __ nowhereville.

 

Ted 2: pretty much. We need to find a new well of talent to play with.

 

Ted 1: Yep we are starting to farm the old crop too much. I do have X in the UK but she is far. Any ideas?

 

Ted 2: Does the __ do singles night anymore?

 

Ted 1: Nope. We need to just get escorts. They are like 250.00 on redbook. You and I stay in the city, have a few drinks, meet them and go back to the _, F- them for two hours and tell them to get the F_ out.

 

Ted 2: not bad.

 

This guy is soooo sick!!!!

[BrokenPrincess]

Disgusting.

 

Do you know Katherine at all? Is Ted 2 married?

[Spark1111]

I think you are over thinking it. HPV can cause cervical cancer! Hello??????

 

I think you write a email stating you contracted HPV from him and it is very important that he and all his partners be checked out immediately.

 

Then attach the emails.

[spice4life]

Let me recite .. or retype (rather) one of the messages I have, amongst the many others.

 

His friend was the person he was conversing with. I will refer to them as Ted 1 and Ted 2 (I will refer to my ex MM as Ted 1)

 

Ted 2 (friend) writes: So, about Katherine (using Katherine as I do not want to use the real name of the gal they were talking about) I can't believe none of you tapped that. Her face held up pretty good. Must have gotten raped or something to end up in bum f__ middle of nowhere married to father time.

 

Ted 1: Ha. What a whore. I remember her cathedral uniform had cum stains all over it. I think she was such a whore bag that she had to pull a kindergarden cope and show up in some bum __ nowhereville.

 

Ted 2: pretty much. We need to find a new well of talent to play with.

 

Ted 1: Yep we are starting to farm the old crop too much. I do have X in the UK but she is far. Any ideas?

 

Ted 2: Does the __ do singles night anymore?

 

Ted 1: Nope. We need to just get escorts. They are like 250.00 on redbook. You and I stay in the city, have a few drinks, meet them and go back to the _, F- them for two hours and tell them to get the F_ out.

 

Ted 2: not bad.

 

This guy is soooo sick!!!!

 

Send these emails to her AND the OWs. Everyone needs to know so they can get checked for STDs! You played along with him and if you are really serious about being a stand up gal then send them to all the women being duped by this guy. He's a disgusting excuse of a human being!

 

I also highly suggest you get into therapy to figure out why you were involved with him.

[latergater]

Send these emails to her AND the OWs. Everyone needs to know so they can get checked for STDs! You played along with him and if you are really serious about being a stand up gal then send them to all the women being duped by this guy. He's a disgusting excuse of a human being!

 

I also highly suggest you get into therapy to figure out why you were involved with him.

 

Why I was involved with him? Well, I was involved with him UNTIL I found out who he was through the facebook messages and in my defense, I just stumbled upon them in February 2013 although I have known him for thirty years. Some of the endearing qualities he possessed were clearly admirable as I was not the only woman who took the bait and fell head over heels for this guy. He was GOOD; he is a master manipulator. Think Ted Bundy but instead of murdering women he sleeps with them, cheats on them, leads them on. But, as far as what I saw in this guy .. how is this for a start.

 

He is bright, very very successful, known in the community and well respected (oddly enough). He was the #3 guy at a HUGE telecommunications company in Canada for many years and rose to the top of his game without any help from family, etc. He did it himself which is quite admirable. He gives back to the community - he donates to the Cancer Society, Elderly Care Centers and a number of other organizations, he is a huge advocate of special needs programs, and gives back to the community in many ways. He is on the board of directors at several companies and has been very successful in leading small companies to growth and success. He is engaging and fun loving and has a great positive full of life personality. He is NEVER down or depressed or upset. He always has a smile on his face and lives life to the fullest.

 

 

They named an entire wing after him at a reputable hospital in the US because he was a major contributor and donated a great deal of money to research and development. He has two completely different sides to his personality -- one is charming and giving and helpful to those in need and the other is heinus and disrespectful and dishonorable. That is why this entire situation has been difficult to swallow and understand. I could not figure out who this guy really was. It was two different personalities merged into one being.

 

When we were together, he treated me like gold. We had amazing conversations and spent great times together. he WAS one of my best friends. He was always there when I needed him (except when his wife found out) and never ever let me down. He would go to the end of the world for me if I ever had a problem or needed something. He paid for everything, even though I have a good career of my own. He was classy and could handle himself well at any occasion, with any audience. He had a great personality. So, this is what I loved about him. I am not defending him .. I am just saying this is not my fault. i was duped, I am furious and after finding these emails, yes, I woke up.

Edited May 10, 2013 by latergater

[spice4life]

Why I was involved with him? Well, I was involved with him UNTIL I found out who he was through the facebook messages and in my defense, I just stumbled upon them in February 2013 although I have known him for thirty years. Some of the endearing qualities he possessed were clearly admirable as I was not the only woman who took the bait and fell head over heels for this guy. He was GOOD; he is a master manipulator. Think Ted Bundy but instead of murdering women he sleeps with them, cheats on them, leads them on. But, as far as what I saw in this guy .. how is this for a start.

 

He is bright, very very successful, known in the community and well respected (oddly enough). He was the #3 guy at a HUGE telecommunications company in Canada for many years and rose to the top of his game without any help from family, etc. He did it himself which is quite admirable. He gives back to the community - he donates to the Cancer Society, Elderly Care Centers and a number of other organizations, he is a huge advocate of special needs programs, and gives back to the community in many ways. He is on the board of directors at several companies and has been very successful in leading small companies to growth and success. He is engaging and fun loving and has a great positive full of life personality. He is NEVER down or depressed or upset. He always has a smile on his face and lives life to the fullest.

 

 

They named an entire wing after him at a reputable hospital in the US because he was a major contributor and donated a great deal of money to research and development. He has two completely different sides to his personality -- one is charming and giving and helpful to those in need and the other is heinus and disrespectful and dishonorable. That is why this entire situation has been difficult to swallow and understand. I could not figure out who this guy really was. It was two different personalities merged into one being.

 

When we were together, he treated me like gold. We had amazing conversations and spent great times together. he WAS one of my best friends. He was always there when I needed him (except when his wife found out) and never ever let me down. He would go to the end of the world for me if I ever had a problem or needed something. He paid for everything, even though I have a good career of my own. He was classy and could handle himself well at any occasion, with any audience. He had a great personality. So, this is what I loved about him. I am not defending him .. I am just saying this is not my fault. i was duped, I am furious and after finding these emails, yes, I woke up.

 

Wow wow WOW! A true textbook sociopath. I'm sorry I missed where you said you just found out you were duped in your other posts. I can totally see why you fell victim to him...apparently the whole world is/has! Yikes. Now that you exposed him run run run for cover. He is probably a narcissist on top of it and when they have narcissistic injury they retaliate. That's why you should expose him to the OWs too! Get yourself some back up just in case because he can't deny a whole group of women.

 

I would still talk to therapist though because you've been manipulated by a sicko. There is bound to be some fallout emotionally once your anger subsides.

 

I commend you for having the courage to do what's right. That took BAL*S! You are a strong woman!

[spice4life]

I also wanted to add that I went through a horrible manipulation 3 - 4 years ago and I wish and I mean really WISH someone would have come forward and told me the truth about what was going on. I would have been forever in their debt and would have kept it in total confidence.

[latergater]

Wow wow WOW! A true textbook sociopath. I'm sorry I missed where you said you just found out you were duped in your other posts. I can totally see why you fell victim to him...apparently the whole world is/has! Yikes. Now that you exposed him run run run for cover. He is probably a narcissist on top of it and when they have narcissistic injury they retaliate. That's why you should expose him to the OWs too! Get yourself some back up just in case because he can't deny a whole group of women.

 

I would still talk to therapist though because you've been manipulated by a sicko. There is bound to be some fallout emotionally once your anger subsides.

 

I commend you for having the courage to do what's right. That took BAL*S! You are a strong woman!

 

 

Thanks so much for the support. Yes, although my head understands what he's about, my heart doesn't. It is still trying to heal. It's so difficult when you talk to someone everyday via text/phone, etc.. and have a connection you think is real and valuable. I thought he would be in my life at least as a friend FOREVER. I am still trying to heal from the emotional ties that I had to him -- I feel the void -- the quiet. I have to say, not talking to him is quite an adjustment.

 

I am fairly certain that he blocked my phone number to see if I would react badly and get pissed off -- - try to call his office line to reach him or do something stupid. NOT happening. Trust me, this guy would stop at nothing to jab someone who had (in HIS mind) crossed him.

 

He is most likely looking for a reason to get a restraining order against me (as his wife indicated she wanted from day 1 and he replied "honey, we can't get a restraining order. She hasn't DONE anything). He is probably just waiting for me to slip up -- thinking I will do something to cross the line, call his office phone one too many times or whatever the hell he thinks I will do like some crazy fool. This guy has it all wrong. I'm not the lunatic. The sociopath. The person who will stop at nothing to hurt others. He needs to take a long hard look in the mirror.

 

I know he is probably shocked that I told his wife what I knew about the face book messages. He never thought, in a million years, that I would cross him because I am so loyal and he knew how much I cared about him. Unfortunately, payback is a b__ and he was wrong.

Edited May 12, 2013 by latergater

[2sunny]

Mail copies to his wife. Are you going to be out of town anytime soon?

 

I'd mail them from a different city so the postmark doesn't show your town. And try not to leave your fingerprints on what you send.

[latergater]

Mail copies to his wife. Are you going to be out of town anytime soon?

 

I'd mail them from a different city so the postmark doesn't show your town. And try not to leave your fingerprints on what you send.

 

It won't matter because he knows I am the only one who has the messages. I screen captured them from my work system the morning he left here and the moment I realized he hadn't fully logged out of facebook. He knows I'm the only one who has the messages so it wouldn't matter where they were sent from.

 

Thoughts?

[BrokenPrincess]

It won't matter because he knows I am the only one who has the messages. I screen captured them from my work system the morning he left here and the moment I realized he hadn't fully logged out of facebook. He knows I'm the only one who has the messages so it wouldn't matter where they were sent from.

 

Thoughts?

 

That's why I was asking if you knew Katherine or if Ted 2 was married. Maybe she or Ted 2s BS may be interested in seeing the proof and sharing it with his W?

 

Have you told anyone IRL about this? I can't imagine trying to wrap my mind around not the only the end of an A, but also the discovery that you're longtime friend is a very sick man. Later, don't forget about building yourself some support because I'm sure this will hit you hard once some of the shock & anger wears off.

[White Flower]

 

I also highly suggest you get into therapy to figure out why you were involved with him.

 

Then I would highly suggest that everyone get themselves into therapy to figure out why we are all with who we are with. Just a question, why do we never pose this question to the BW? Does M protect her from being a victim? I think not.

It won't matter because he knows I am the only one who has the messages. I screen captured them from my work system the morning he left here and the moment I realized he hadn't fully logged out of facebook. He knows I'm the only one who has the messages so it wouldn't matter where they were sent from.

 

Thoughts?

 

Latergator, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you've gone through all that you have. My guy was once a SC but he was kid in a candy shop compared to the man you're dealing with. xMM has had years of therapy, was never a sociopath, and has gotten past so much. I'm only telling you this to convey how similar our situations are (were) so you know where I'm coming from.

 

Your MM cannot file a restraining order against you. He can, however, file a civil case against you, providing he has enough evidence that you are harassing him and/or his W; restraining orders are only for immediate family members. Even if he filed one, you have your test results proving that you are one of his many victims, and you also have proof that there are indeed many victims because of the FB messages to his friend/cohort.

 

I am defending him here in no way, shape, or form, but have you considered that he may have been trying to impress a friend or coworker? Often times these guys don't really mean half of what they say in order to impress another man. I think it's silly, ignorant, and stupid really, but they do it all the time. I'm sure if the judge read those messages to him in court he'd likely break down and cry, if he were human, and realize what a jerk he is. I'm sure he doesn't talk to his wife that way.

 

If you had not got any disease from him I would say let it go, but you have evidence that he 1, has got something to pass along and 2, that he is planning on sleeping with many other women, so you do have a responsibility to stop this in its tracks. I'm not sure if that means contacting his wife, his OOW, or taking out a full page front page add in his local paper but I would do something.

 

I made my guy tell his BW about an exOOW while we were on the phone. The exOOW had recently (at the time) tried to get back into the good graces of BW when a close mutual friend died (BW and exOOW were best friends at one time) and since xMM didn't have enough integrity to warn his W not to get close to his ex-lover I insisted the job be done right. BW quit having lunch with exOOW and their friendship was not reunited. I'm sure I will never be thanked (and I don't need that) but at least BW won't be made a fool of again in that circle where many knew.

 

I would hold onto the evidence and use it in court if you have to defend yourself in the event of a civil case ordered against you. Other than that I think a phone call to the wife would suffice. Perhaps she can get him into counseling to see if there is any helping him. If not, really, there's nothing we can do. The world is full of oversexed animals.

Edited May 12, 2013 by White Flower
Typo

[MissBee]

Then I would highly suggest that everyone get themselves into therapy to figure out why we are all with who we are with. Just a question, why do we never pose this question to the BW? Does M protect her from being a victim? I think not.

 

I suggested this to my mother and I have suggested it on the infidelity board to posters married to serial cheaters, as well as in other subforums when people seem to be involved in problematic relationships.

 

Everyone doesn't need therapy for who they're with, unless who you're with is problematic/questionable.

 

Being married doesn't exempt you from this in my book. What a BW or OW will put up with says a lot about them and on both sides it can mean needing to figure out why. This also goes for single women who don't date married men, but get into other kinds of unproductive/damaging relationships.

Edited May 12, 2013 by MissBee

[LoveBitesButSoDoI]

It's funny how we justify behaviors & situations while in the affair. When I suspected my ex-mm might've been trying to pursue other woman (after we called things off), I simply emailed his wife & told her of the affair. But this is how warped my mind was during all of this. To me, it was ok that he had a wife, but God forbid he go out & find another other woman.

 

In my mind, I figured his wife can babysit him better than anyone. He wasn't going to come into my life, turn it upside down, make me broken promises, cut me off & then think he was going to find another affair partner. Over my dead body...not on my lost time or broken heart.

 

Insert Fatal Attraction line here: "I'm not going to be ignooooored, Dan!"

 

Funny thing is I had no proof he was actually seeking anyone else. At the time, I just let my paranoia get the best of me. He did jokingly mention how if him & I didn't work out, he was going to turn into a man-whore. So I'm sure those words were replaying in my mind, along with the fact that he was able to easily cut me off. I never understood that, so I just assumed he might've been pursuing others.

Edited May 13, 2013 by LoveBitesButSoDoI