sedona Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Broke up from a 4+ year relationship about 6 weeks ago, mainly due to his creating more and more distance between us, both physical and emotional. There is no way I could ever go back to that relationship, but gosh - I miss him. We met for dinner last week, and he told me that he has started seeing a shrink regularly now. He seemed pretty embarrassed and wouldn't say much more, except for mumbling something about patterns (well, doh!!!). And he also talked about seeing me again in a month or two, because what he's doing will take time (more than that, IMO). My problem is that I have a tendency to live off of hope and dreams, rather than reality. I won't go back to the same relationship we had, but a new one with the same person would be lovely if we could avoid our old patterns. But if I wait around for him to figure things out, then I just hang in limbo, without moving on. I'm not ready for dating anyone else, but if things with this guy aren't going to pan out, I'd like to start healing so that I one day look forward to dating other men. On the other hand, this is a good guy who seems -belatedly- to be doing something to fix things. Both for himself and for us. So... should I wait and see or should I shrug this off and move on as best I can?
aisuru Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 No, you do not wait. You accept that this relationship is over, take care of you, and move forward. If your paths cross romantically again, then great. If not, you should find comfort that you both learned from the relationship and hopefully it contributes to a good relationship for you in the future.
Lc1984 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I absolutely relate to living off of hopes and dreams..... It is a really positive sign that he's getting help for his issues, however, he needs to do this for him and him only. What I mean is, it's probably not fair on either of you to expect that what he's doing will make your relationship better, it's too much pressure on him and too much for you also. It would be my advice for you to take a couple of months to work on you too, either have little or no contact for that time. It will give him a chance to work through his own stuff and you the time to work out what you want. I know he feels it will take a month or so for him to get sorted but in my experience a month is just the tip of the iceberg. I'd hate for you to hope for something and fantasise about how things could be and then not get what you'd hoped for. Please just try and move on without him and if in time, you both feel that you can start a fresh then it will happen. Just try and think day to day rather than hoping for things in the future. That way if you get what you want it will be all the more rewarding because it will be unexpected. Xx
Author sedona Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Ok, so how exactly do I move on, when I know he's finally doing what I hoped for? I've gotten rid of his stuff and I'm doing ok in most other areas of my life. I am pleased to report that I can (usually) get enough sleep even though half my bed is empty. After we had dinner the other night, we had coffee at his home. It was really strange, because the things I had forgotten there were just lying around where they had been. My toothbrush was even in the bathroom still (yes, I specifically looked). I think he feels like this is temporary. He kept saying that be imagines we must be in the same place- thinking things through.
aisuru Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 You let go of the relationship. You accept that there is nothing you can change in the relationship between you to. Then, you look inward and really examine yourself and determine what you could do to be a better person. And that's what you work on. For you. It's nice that you had a nice dinner and evening. It's a nice ending and last memory. But for now, you let go and focus on YOU and letting go.
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