joejoe Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hi guys, Havn't checked in on this in a while, which is a good thing I suppose... So wont bother goin over background again but long story short, 4 year relationship very serious, loved her thought she loved me,going all the way trusted her 110%, out of blue she dumps me, to this day still dont really know why... maybe gigs but think she just simply got bored and didnt see me in that way anymore which still makes no sense.. Anyway were about 2 years later now and still not over it fully but guess some scars never heal. I am doing alot better though.. I got really depressed after break-up and I had a lot of really dark days which I dont really want to talk about but Im working hard to get over that.. Have travelled around got new job and trimmed up so step by step.. Still find it hard to get back in the game but getting there and confidence is coming back slowly but surely. Lonliness is definitely the worst part of whole process.... We have spoke a few times on and off since break-up but never got the impression she missed me or wanted anything more than friends. Course I played along knowing I would never be able to do that and just prolonged tearing off the band-aid. Anyway we spoke recently and I bit the bullet and told her I could never be friends with her as I just didnt feel or would never feel that way.. Crazy someone betrays you like that and u still want them around , like an addiction I guess... Anyway she blocked me on FB now which is a good thing I guess but wondering what people thought about that.... Feel like I can really start moving on with my life now, I realise I wont ever forget her and I dont want too as she was a massive part of my life thus far and I was in love with her but its time to stop wasting time and just leave that chapter behind.. Any thoughts and feedback on situation, me telling her cant be friends etc would be appreciated. Thanks too everyone on here too....
aisuru Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 How does she feel about you? I don't think you should look at it as a betrayal that she broke up with you. Sometimes, the feelings just aren't there and it would be a greater betrayal for her to remain in the relationship with you, misleading you on how she felt.
Author joejoe Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 I understand where you are coming from but I have heard that before. I still can't understand how you just fall out of love with someone... U either love someone or you don't ... If u lie to someone for a long time then that's betrayal
denxnis Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Loneliness is definitely the worst part of whole process.... I agree that loneliness is the worst part, weekends are usually when I think of her the most... Regardless the best thing to do is cut all contact. My hunch is you never got over her completely and by keeping in-touch prolonged the inevitable.
Author joejoe Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Totally agree with you.. But part of me starting to move on was also realising I will never completly forget her .. She was a huge part of my life and I can't change that but eventually I will be able to move on
thefooloftheyear Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Two years is an awful long time..Have you dated or had any relationships since? TFY
Author joejoe Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 you can say that again 2 years is a long time...No I have not had any relationships since but I have dated on a few rare occasions.. but to be honest nothing has ever even had to chance to go anywhere because I have been completely closed off and untrusting of anyone since the break-up.. Finally starting to get over that now
Inviv_girl Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 My ex also want us to be "friends". How can you possibly be friends with someone you used to share everything then out of nothing you just get dumped and left with nothing but misery? stay off, turn your back and walk away.
Author joejoe Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 My thoughts exactly, you cant be friends with somone you were that serious with and loved and trusted... it doesnt make any sense to me anyway.... You are right turn and walk away is best medication I think..
cavalier99 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 (edited) Im thinking of friend zoning my ex and i was the dumpee. Sorta want to see how she is doing, her new rs ecetera. But then again im indifferent now and in love with anew girl. Ill always care for EX some. Just want to catch up every 6 months or so. Cav Edited May 6, 2013 by cavalier99
Thunderchild Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Two years isn't that long - sometimes things take as long as they take. IT was almost six years before I started clearing out my late mother's personal papers. As for my most recent ex - she got pregnant with someone else behind my back - she ain't never gonna be a friend of mine ever again! 1
Author joejoe Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 That's crazy , no one deserves that and my condolences also... Ya I really don't think friendship is possible with someone you genuinely loved.. I just find the psychology of it all really weird, what's causes someone to change from saying they love you and want to be with always etc. To dumping you or cheating on you within such a relatively short space if time?.... My ex now is like a totally different person , and not in a good way , to the one I was with for 4 years
Mcnulty Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Same here really. Have been friends with my ex, the only person I've ever truly loved, for the past 6 months. I knew I could never take her back, too much had happened, but through the 6 months it was just phone calls and texts. Big mistake was meeting for a day out, I thought I could handle it...I couldn't, the feelings came to the surface...since that day, we've stopped speaking. It's like going through the break up all over again, i was kidding myself thinking we could be friends. It hurts like hell again...lesson learned I guess.
andre84 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 That's crazy , no one deserves that and my condolences also... Ya I really don't think friendship is possible with someone you genuinely loved.. I just find the psychology of it all really weird, what's causes someone to change from saying they love you and want to be with always etc. To dumping you or cheating on you within such a relatively short space if time?.... My ex now is like a totally different person , and not in a good way , to the one I was with for 4 years As much as I hate to say it because this also applies to my situation... It probably means that they never truly "Loved" you. Now in my case - I feel that my ex cared deeply for me and wanted to love me. In some ways she convinced herself that she did... but once we hit a rough patch, she could not handle it and "feel out of love". Well I like to believe that if the love is real that it can withstand almost anything. (Cheating is a completely different animal) So I think in a lot of ways we confuse love with caring or affection. I think we always call it love until it stops being there. At that point we know that what we felt was something else. Eventually (And this is not always true) you find the person that you are meant to be with and those are the people that are married for 30+ years and still happy. Not to say you don't fight or bicker... but you go the extra mile for them and are willing to work on the RS.
Pisces13 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I still can't understand how you just fall out of love with someone... U either love someone or you don't ... If u lie to someone for a long time then that's betrayal I don't think they really do. I think it is more that they don't have the same feelings they had during the "honeymoon period", and they interpret that as no longer being in love with you. Coupled with them wanting to go out and party etc. I think they try and talk themselves in to thinking they're "no longer in love with you", to justify leaving the relationship. I got the same sort of thing from my ex when we broke up. We're now 2 months broken up, however last weekend she confessed to me that she is actually still in love with me and that she misses me like crazy.
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