ohaimark Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hi all, So, my girlfriend and I broke up about 5 weeks ago after about a year together. The breakup was mutually agreed upon, and had been building for a few weeks (she was suffering from depression, triggered by past abuse, identity issues, stress with school, seasonal affect). Neither of us wanted the relationship to end, we both tried to make it work, and I did everything I could to be supportive, but we ultimately agreed that a breakup was necessary. She did say that even if we broke up (which we obviously did) she still wanted us to be in each other's lives once things settle somewhat, and I feel the same way, and we loosely agreed to get lunch or something a few weeks after the split. A mutual friend also told me very shortly after that she said she still has feelings for me, something she's not used to, and led to her conflicted feelings about ending the relationship (her previous breakups ended fairly acrimoniously). Our last contact was about a week after the breakup (about 4 weeks ago), when I went to her apartment to get my stuff and return her key. Since then, I've maintained no contact, and she hasn't contacted me either. I've been trying to improve some aspects of my life since then with reasonable success, and have increasingly accepted how necessary the breakup was, but I still miss her and have had some occasional setbacks. Likewise, I've respected her desire to do the same, and have successfully held off on any post breakup groveling (I can't say I was that good about my last breakup). Based on some stray Facebook posts that have popped up, I think she might be in a similar place, but that's little more than conjecture on my part. Anyway, I'm debating on when would be a good time to reach out to her and try to meetup and reestablish our friendship (we knew each other for several years before we dated). My birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks, and I'm thinking I'll wait to see if she reaches out in any sort of way around then. Additionally, her semester ends in about a month. Some people have said I should let her contact first, but on the other hand, I feel like it's the responsibility of the guy to make the first move. I know 6-8 weeks no contact is generally considered a good benchmark, and I'm wondering if anyone else has any thoughts on the timing or method of contact (text, call, email? what should I say?). I'm obviously not expecting much of anything from any contact/meeting. What do you think? And thanks for listening!
Sav Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 There is no "good benchmark". Are you sure you just want to "re-establish" said friendship? Be truthful to yourself and your feelings. Understand that if the problems that caused the break aren't resolved and you start to get involved again, there might not be an amicable separation the next time. If both parties still have feelings for each other and it's not some delusion on your part, then I suggest you make it known to her that you want to work it out. That's only if both of you still want this. But then I don't see any reason to separate in the first place. Orrr my last piece of suggestion would be yea, wait till your birthday and see if she texts. Take it from there Gd luck
BlackGoaty Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 You could use the 2 weeks counting down to your birthday as a benchmark but if she still have not contact you even after 1 week after, you should enforce full no contact and move on.
Author ohaimark Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Hey all, so slight update. She wished me a happy birthday on Facebook the other day, and all I've done is like the post (as with most of the other posts). I'm thinking of calling or texting this weekend, and I'm possibly passing through her area next weekend. Again, we loosely agreed to meet up a few weeks after the breakup, and it's pushing two months, so it seems like it might be a good time to make good on that. Should I just directly but casually ask to meet up for a quick lunch or cup of coffee, or should I go about it a bit more gingerly? Also, calling or texting, your thoughts?
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