How to handle people who insult you out of insecurity?

[SpiralOut]

As I look over the threads I've started, I see a trend where certain people use me as someone to take out their frustrations on. They are rude and insult me out of nowhere. According to what people on LS and people in real life tell me, it is due to an insecurity. When I think about it, it makes sense. These are people who just can't seem to help themselves.

 

I'm getting better at standing up for myself. What really bothers me, though, is seeing other people overlook it. It is infuriating to see someone blurt out insults at people, then still be accepted and included and even referred to as "a friend." Seriously??

 

I guess I just can't find compassion for them. I don't understand how others can be compassionate towards someone who treats others so badly. It's like rewarding them for their bad behaviour. It seems unfair. It makes me feel stressed out that I need to hold myself to these high standards of being better than that, while they don't have to. Maybe I feel jealous that rude, nasty people somehow are able to have more friends than me. How the hell did they manage that?? I thought kind-heartedness was supposed to count for something, but I guess it doesn't since I am still struggling to find my own group of friends.

[sweetkiwi]

*Giggle**Ignore*

[carhill]

Some folks are 'direct' in a way which routinely offends others. It's really unknown, IMO, in any general way, what's at the root of the behavior. It could be an insecurity, sure. It could be cultural. It could be socialization. Many potentials.

 

I have noticed one handicap in not being socialized to insult people, in that one is at a marked disadvantage when dealing with them. I've found the most effective weapon is walking away, and secondarily getting comprehensive firearms training for those who persist.

 

You post caused me to think of all the times my best friend and I disagree on subjects, as we both have pretty strong personalities, but we always disagree with respect and never insult each other. The only time we 'insult' each other is when we're drinking beers and having fun. Typical male 'insults'. Never on serious subjects.

 

Try the silence sandwich. See how it works. It can be trial and error. Good luck.

[Eve]

As I look over the threads I've started, I see a trend where certain people use me as someone to take out their frustrations on. They are rude and insult me out of nowhere. According to what people on LS and people in real life tell me, it is due to an insecurity. When I think about it, it makes sense. These are people who just can't seem to help themselves.

 

I'm getting better at standing up for myself. What really bothers me, though, is seeing other people overlook it. It is infuriating to see someone blurt out insults at people, then still be accepted and included and even referred to as "a friend." Seriously??

 

I guess I just can't find compassion for them. I don't understand how others can be compassionate towards someone who treats others so badly. It's like rewarding them for their bad behaviour. It seems unfair. It makes me feel stressed out that I need to hold myself to these high standards of being better than that, while they don't have to. Maybe I feel jealous that rude, nasty people somehow are able to have more friends than me. How the hell did they manage that?? I thought kind-heartedness was supposed to count for something, but I guess it doesn't since I am still struggling to find my own group of friends.

 

I think you need to work on what triggers you. I have found that the until you deal with the root of the insecurity certain characters keep popping up in life.

 

I am not sure that compassion is 100% the way to deal with them as really that could turn into something else, such as pity, which is not that helpful.

 

Main advice would be to do things because you want to do them and not to be 'nice'. That way you have no regrets. If you have no choice but to mix with people you do not like remember that you do not have to say anything to them if you don't want to. On LS, use the block function if you feel bothered.

 

.. but look at where this is coming from. Unresolved stuff can hurt.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Got it]

I ignore it as I see it as more about them than about me and why add energy to something I don't agree with? It is projecting and I will leave them to their unhappiness. I find it, especially online, as a very quirky/interesting phenomena and see how it really isn't about "me" but obviously whatever I must be representing for them.

[amaysngrace]

You're not anyone's toilet, don't let people sh it on you.

[stillafool]

As I look over the threads I've started, I see a trend where certain people use me as someone to take out their frustrations on. They are rude and insult me out of nowhere. According to what people on LS and people in real life tell me, it is due to an insecurity. When I think about it, it makes sense. These are people who just can't seem to help themselves.

 

 

Maybe you should take a break from LS for a while. You cannot change people.