calgary Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hey, I got out of a year and a half relationship about 4 months ago and i'm doing really good. I feel a lot better, i'm well out of the depression and feeling desperation and sadness.. and I've been getting my life back together having fun ! doing well work wise, education wise, friendship and family wise everything's awesome and i'm in a really good mood about life.. Now that I seem on top of things and cheery, people seem to want to be around me.. whereas when I was that doom and gloom depressed not eating kind of guy nobody wanted to know me.. The thing is.. sometimes I've gone out and drunk girls are literally all over me.. I give a girl my number and she won't stop texting me daily.. I go on online chat on facebook and I can't keep up with the conversations.. I sound like the luckiest guy alive.. only once something is handed to me on a plate it sort of loses value to me ? I like to work hard for things. I like challenges. I like that feeling of ' oh my god I can't believe I've got this' even last night, I saw an attractive girl I haven't spoken to for a couple of years on facebook.. barely talking for 20 mins and she invited me over to eat Chinese with her ' wink wink' . I didn't go.. but the second she invited me over I lost attraction. Am I insane? or has anybody experienced this before? I think I just like working hard for girls, I like trying to win their attention rather than just standing there and receiving it. with my ex, i'd buy her flowers, take her on vacation, pay for her meals, rub her back and it never seemed good enough ever.. she'd flirt with other guys on nights out and it'd drive me crazy, I felt like I was constantly trying to keep her mine.. maybe that's had some psychological affect on me ? I just love the chase but the catch feels like a come down. .. and I really don't think by messing other girls around i'll feel better about myself. I think i'm just attracted to girls that are a handful and I wish I could change this . can anybody relate to this at all ? it's a shame because the girls that are interested in me are probably quite a lot like me.. we look up to the ones that look down on us, and look down on the ones that look up to us. I feel like I need to change but it's easier said than done.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 It sounds like a problem I'd love to have...
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Oh, dude! I was in a relationship where it was clear that things would not work out if I had her. CLEAR. I had friends, family, strangers telling me to steer clear. Lol! But I pursued anyway. Lol! (shaking my head). Everyone accused me of being addicted to the drama, challenge she posed in this case and, looking, back I just don't see any other explanation. Anyway, I think that there are people who are regularly attracted to such drama, or thrill of the chase and other who may fall into it from time to time. Your post just brought back some memories that are hilarious now, but wasn't back when it was happening. I dodged a bullet in the end. I go what I wanted (and what she wanted) in the end, but it wasn't meant to be. Oh, well... But, be careful. You risk losing out on meeting the perfect person for you, if you don't open your eyes to what is right in front of you. I think you know that. Good luck. Edited May 5, 2013 by soccerrprp
Sunshine87 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hmmmm....I love this thread. Two people who would've given insightful perspectives are "Barnacle Bob" and "Mr Soul". But they are gone, boo hoo lol. Anyways, I want to learn more about this because I've heard a guy say severally. So what is a girl supposed to do if she likes a guy? Pretend not to like the guy or play a few games? In addition, at what point do the games stop? Does the girl have to consistently"pose" a challenge? ....or can she relax after having having dated for like four months? Let's hear from you. One thing: you are not alone. Matter of fact I've heard a few guys say this!
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 So what is a girl supposed to do if she likes a guy? Pretend not to like the guy or play a few games? In addition, at what point do the games stop? Does the girl have to consistently"pose" a challenge? ....or can she relax after having having dated for like four months? You know, after this, I felt compelled to make something clear here. For me anyway. The thrill of the challenge is typically unsatisfying. I had one lapse into it and have learned that it is not worth it. I don't believe a girl or anyone else should play games. I didn't when I was chasing that girl. No games. Just persistence. So, no, I don't believe the "challenge" need necessarily involve playing games. Not for me anyway. I much prefer ladies who have a plan, who is open and is available. Simple and mature. It is also possible, that when and while you are doing all that chasing that you discover some things about her/him that is less than desirable. Once you get him/her, you further realize that she/he was not worth the chase...possible. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hey, I got out of a year and a half relationship about 4 months ago and i'm doing really good. I feel a lot better, i'm well out of the depression and feeling desperation and sadness.. and I've been getting my life back together having fun ! doing well work wise, education wise, friendship and family wise everything's awesome and i'm in a really good mood about life.. Now that I seem on top of things and cheery, people seem to want to be around me.. whereas when I was that doom and gloom depressed not eating kind of guy nobody wanted to know me.. The thing is.. sometimes I've gone out and drunk girls are literally all over me.. I give a girl my number and she won't stop texting me daily.. I go on online chat on facebook and I can't keep up with the conversations.. I sound like the luckiest guy alive.. only once something is handed to me on a plate it sort of loses value to me ? I like to work hard for things. I like challenges. I like that feeling of ' oh my god I can't believe I've got this' even last night, I saw an attractive girl I haven't spoken to for a couple of years on facebook.. barely talking for 20 mins and she invited me over to eat Chinese with her ' wink wink' . I didn't go.. but the second she invited me over I lost attraction. Am I insane? or has anybody experienced this before? I think I just like working hard for girls, I like trying to win their attention rather than just standing there and receiving it. with my ex, i'd buy her flowers, take her on vacation, pay for her meals, rub her back and it never seemed good enough ever.. she'd flirt with other guys on nights out and it'd drive me crazy, I felt like I was constantly trying to keep her mine.. maybe that's had some psychological affect on me ? I just love the chase but the catch feels like a come down. .. and I really don't think by messing other girls around i'll feel better about myself. I think i'm just attracted to girls that are a handful and I wish I could change this . can anybody relate to this at all ? it's a shame because the girls that are interested in me are probably quite a lot like me.. we look up to the ones that look down on us, and look down on the ones that look up to us. I feel like I need to change but it's easier said than done. The thrill of the chase is fun, but I have a different perspective on this. I've also had a lot of girls come after me. I've found the girls that make the first move to be more of the batsh*t crazy types. The girls that make you chase them are the more normal types (which makes sense...since that's normal lol). HOWEVER, what your last gf did was not "chasing." She was blatantly disrespecting you....and you accepted this disrespect. You already HAD her. The chase should have been over by then. I also can relate in that I get a lot of girls, but I'm very picky. I encourage pursuing who you like and, IME, if you put in enough effort, you can get ANYONE. Just be careful not to fall into the same trap of disrespect that you were in with your ex. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 The thing is.. sometimes I've gone out and drunk girls are literally all over me.. I give a girl my number and she won't stop texting me daily.. I go on online chat on facebook and I can't keep up with the conversations.. I sound like the luckiest guy alive.. only once something is handed to me on a plate it sort of loses value to me ? I like to work hard for things. I like challenges. I like that feeling of ' oh my god I can't believe I've got this' even last night, I saw an attractive girl I haven't spoken to for a couple of years on facebook.. barely talking for 20 mins and she invited me over to eat Chinese with her ' wink wink' . I didn't go.. but the second she invited me over I lost attraction. Am I insane? or has anybody experienced this before? I think I just like working hard for girls, I like trying to win their attention rather than just standing there and receiving it. Typical desirable male behavior. Your mindset is almost closer to a woman. You have lots of options and so it's almost a game and/or a burden to choose between those options. Nothing could be further from my reality.
Sunshine87 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Thanks for your perspective. So how do you distinguish yourself from other girls? If I meet a guy who i know likes the chase and who complains about girls falling at feet, the reactionary thing to do, would be to disassociate yourself from the group of women he complains about. You certainly would not proceed to do the same thing he complains about. It's interesting that you mention simplicity because this same guy only yesterday, said that most men want simple women with simple dreams and simple expectations. So that was sort of contrary to what he had maintained in the past. What does simplicity mean to you? How does a woman strike the right balance between simplicity while maintaining some mystery and showing interest ( without running the risk of coming on too strong). Sounds so complicated lol.
Sunshine87 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) That question was for soccerpppp and anyone else who has women chasing them. Haha ...or anyone else with some input...male or female. Edited May 5, 2013 by Sunshine87
tbf Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 calgary, before you met the ex, were you the same way? How did the ex and you get together in the first place? The reason I ask these questions is that you're wondering if your past relationship had any psychological impact on you so in order to figure this out, you're going to need to look at your entire past pattern.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Thanks for your perspective. So how do you distinguish yourself from other girls? If I meet a guy who i know likes the chase and who complains about girls falling at feet, the reactionary thing to do, would be to disassociate yourself from the group of women he complains about. You certainly would not proceed to do the same thing he complains about. It's interesting that you mention simplicity because this same guy only yesterday, said that most men want simple women with simple dreams and simple expectations. So that was sort of contrary to what he had maintained in the past. What does simplicity mean to you? How does a woman strike the right balance between simplicity while maintaining some mystery and showing interest ( without running the risk of coming on too strong). Sounds so complicated lol. Are you referring to my post? For me, it has nothing to do with "simplicity." It's more that I've had the worst experiences when the girl was the pursuer. It sets a poor standard for the relationship and they seem to have personality disorders (this is based on 3 women that pursued me pretty hard and I dated them....only to be screwed over pretty bad). It's one thing to show interest when I'm chasing them. It's another thing to be all out pursuing me. Because of my experiences, it's a turn-off and red flag to me. Other posters on here strongly disagree with me. So maybe I've just been unlucky in this respect. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 That question was for soccerpppp and anyone else who has women chasing them. Haha ...or anyone else with some input...male or female. I wish I did have women chasing after me! I do okay. Not complaining (much ). What I mean by simple is not the person's character or personality. Simple meaning the rules of engagement. It would be nice if people would be upfront, honest about what and how they wanted things to proceed. Given the following expectations, and it is clear to the couple, if I do A, then I should get B. No mind games, no manipulation, and a commitment to make things workout, progress, if not....communicate that it's not working. Simple.
StanMusial Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 The thrill of the chase is fun, but I have a different perspective on this. I've also had a lot of girls come after me. I've found the girls that make the first move to be more of the batsh*t crazy types. The girls that make you chase them are the more normal types (which makes sense...since that's normal lol). HOWEVER, what your last gf did was not "chasing." She was blatantly disrespecting you....and you accepted this disrespect. You already HAD her. The chase should have been over by then. I also can relate in that I get a lot of girls, but I'm very picky. I encourage pursuing who you like and, IME, if you put in enough effort, you can get ANYONE. Just be careful not to fall into the same trap of disrespect that you were in with your ex. I agree with this, I don't equate the "thrill of the chase" with having an established girlfriend. Enjoying that kind of disrespect and drama seems more like some sort of fetish or something. 1
crude Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 You sound like the male equivalent of the woman who only wants bad boys. You like going after someone who treats you like dirt, and have no interest in someone who'll treat you decently.
LilySun Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 This is certainly nothing abnormal...for either gender...especially when you are newly single and exploring what's out there again. It's fun and exciting. But, I think most men are this way by nature anyhow...they like the challenge and if if the attention is handed right to them, they'll take it but it does not make them googoo for the lady. As a woman, it's very frustrating. Because I don't play games when I like I man. I pursue it, I'm forward, and I enjoy giving the love I have to give. But, it does not men interested in me. If I played hard to get, I would be accused of playing games or being difficult - so I don't find that this makes a man any more interested either. I can't win. Anyway, it's just a matter of finding the one who enjoys all that attention you have to give, but somehow keeps on your toes that way even after the chase is over. Until then I say just have fun with it for awhile.
ascendotum Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) it's a shame because the girls that are interested in me are probably quite a lot like me.. we look up to the ones that look down on us, and look down on the ones that look up to us. I think there are quite a lot of people who do this, especially when they have a bounty of options. Less so guys though because social proof is not such a big part of the attraction equation for them. Were you always like this? I known a few guys like this. A couple were a little fussy and wanted a 'good girl' type..the type not to throw herself at guys and less likely to have had a swag of sex partners. Also a couple of body builder guys who got much more overt attention from women as they got bigger. Its what they wanted but at the same time they were cynical of women now hitting on them, and wanted a women who they hoped would have liked them for their personality (someone they had to win over) Edited May 5, 2013 by ascendotum
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