strozzap Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I thought of myself as someone who is not very fun when I talk to people... Recently I'm trying to figure out why and trying to change things in my life to become more interesting. So I decided to talk to the LoveShack community in this video. To my Loveshack fellows - Changing slowly - YouTube If you have good advises or anything that would help me improve my communication skills and be more interesting let me know. 1
Author strozzap Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 I guess you're all watching the video right now uh?
PogoStick Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I didn't watch the whole thing but I saw your example of natural speaking. That was low energy and would come off as lacking confidence, being shy, along those lines. Think about it, if you're not interested/excited about your own life, why would she? You want to display enthusiasm and confidence. Imagine you're telling a girl about a place you visited and you suggest taking her to see it next time. Imagine you explain it mumbling with low energy (your natural tone), or excited with high energy. Which will make her more interested in going with you to experience it herself? Your entire life story comes down to the same idea. What will make her interested in experiencing life with you? When people go out for entertainment, do they go to a quiet church, or to the movies/club with loud music and flashing lights? Congrats for being brave enough to post your video. What nationality are you? 1
Author strozzap Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Congrats for being brave enough to post your video. What nationality are you? Half French half English from Canada! Thanks for your comment. I believe that you're right. However I think this is the first part! I have to actually have something interesting to say as well! But you're right, it doesn't matter how much interesting it is if I can't make it sound interesting it will be boring.
PogoStick Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 You are half right. Of course you want to have something interesting to talk about. Live an interesting life and you will have things to talk about. Did you find a cool new hiking trail this week? If not, then go find one! Did you read something interesting in the news? No? Then start reading more. A girl recently asked me about the Higgs-Boson discovery on a 1st date, and I could actually tell her about it. I was excited that she even mentioned it, and she was excited that I could explain it to her a little bit. On the other side, what you talk about doesn't matter as much when you have a good delivery. Did you rescue an endangered sea turtle? Me neither, but I'll still say it and wait for the girl to call me on it (I live 1000 miles from an ocean). Then we can laugh at the silly idea and have a conversation about something that didn't even happen. So have an imagination.
FitChick Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Take an acting or theater class. You will learn how to project your voice. You also need something interesting to say. Read current events topics -- simple enough as they are always popping up on Yahoo news whether you want them to or not. Weird news items are always interesting. You are very attractive and should have no problems attracting women but you need to learn how to keep them. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I'm busy atm strozzap, but I'll try reply to this in a voice recording thing, and I'll try to give you some advises!
pie2 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 OP ~ I admire your sentiments, and relate to wanting to grow and improve. I like how you said you want to give more of yourself to others. The key though, imo, is why do you want to give more of yourself? If it's only to improve your own social capital, you'll always fall short. However, if you have a genuine love for and interest in those around you, it won't matter how loud your voice is. Your actions will be much louder (and more appreciated) than anything you could ever say. If you're only concerned about changing yourself for your own good, you'll end up wasting a ton of effort, with very minimal return. 1
Author strozzap Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 you are bordering on looking a little gay. Low maintenance for men is always better Hahaha! Ya I guess that's the French part in me!
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 OP you are handsome as f*ck. I would recommend staying away from looking overly groomed/fashionable because you are bordering on looking a little gay. Low maintenance for men is always better Not gonna give you advice otherwise as I don't know what it takes to get girls I have to agree with sanitarium on the 'handsome as f*ck' part (like, really agree), but not on the looking a little gay. I mean yeah, it's obvious you dress well, but that's not a bad thing. As for the speaking, I'm not sure what to tell you. It feels like you're being overly expressive with your hands, like a doctor or some other type of strange professional speaker. If we were having a normal chat, and you were being expressive like that, I'd think it was weird. So although it's great you're making more effort, just take it easy. It seemed a little forced. You're doing really well around the 4:45 minute mark. Talking a little more freely about yourself in a normal way. It also doesn't help that you're not talking about anything light hearted or funny. Maybe post us a video of you talking about something you're passionate about, or a funny story, or something like that. It would give us more of an idea on how you're interacting day to day.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I have to agree with sanitarium on the 'handsome as f*ck' part (like, really agree), but not on the looking a little gay. I mean yeah, it's obvious you dress well, but that's not a bad thing. As for the speaking, I'm not sure what to tell you. It feels like you're being overly expressive with your hands, like a doctor or some other type of strange professional speaker. If we were having a normal chat, and you were being expressive like that, I'd think it was weird. So although it's great you're making more effort, just take it easy. It seemed a little forced. You're doing really well around the 4:45 minute mark. Talking a little more freely about yourself in a normal way. It also doesn't help that you're not talking about anything light hearted or funny. Maybe post us a video of you talking about something you're passionate about, or a funny story, or something like that. It would give us more of an idea on how you're interacting day to day. Well, I mean I usually get good responses when I'm talking to people...and I'm told that I'm fairly charismatic IRL. But I would bomb on a video where I'm not talking to anyone too. It's tough to have a conversation with yourself lol. OP, I think you would get girls if just relaxed about it.
Lani Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Well, I mean I usually get good responses when I'm talking to people...and I'm told that I'm fairly charismatic IRL. But I would bomb on a video where I'm not talking to anyone too. It's tough to have a conversation with yourself lol. OP, I think you would get girls if just relaxed about it. I agree with just relaxing. And talk about things you're passionate about, and that make you happy. It'll be easier to be lighthearted and animated because you genuinely care. Throw yourself into enjoying conversations, not worrying about them.
TheFinalWord Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I thought of myself as someone who is not very fun when I talk to people... Recently I'm trying to figure out why and trying to change things in my life to become more interesting. So I decided to talk to the LoveShack community in this video. To my Loveshack fellows - Changing slowly - YouTube If you have good advises or anything that would help me improve my communication skills and be more interesting let me know. Not sure if they have in your country, but you could try toast masters. You will receive a lot of quality feedback on your delivery, body movement, etc. Toastmasters International - Home You basically practice giving speeches. Cool vid btw! I admire your courage 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 (edited) Scratch the voice recording reply, I'm going to reply via good ole fashion text. I'll try to condense my advice to you; - Relax your overall demeanor and vibe There is an intensity and seriousness in your eyes, you seem very anxious and intent on getting your message across and expressing yourself...but let it flow naturally, don't try to force it out in one big scoop, break it into pieces and don't feel obligated to explaining absolutely everything, conversation is supposed to flow...relax, breathe then start then stop, start then stop, pay attention to the reaction of the other person and recognize if you're coming off too intense or need to relax the topic of conversation as they may lack interest. So be aware of the person you are speaking to and their body-language and behavior and be self-aware of your own. - Think about what you're going to say before you say it It may be helpful for you to put your thoughts together before expressing them. Or you will be going back and forth correcting and readdressing things, at first this might seem like a tedious task but it will help you explain yourself more correctly the first time instead of having to go over it again. However don't worry so much about making a mistake, again, try to put it together in the best way possible and take time to think about things without over-thinking them and just feeling rushed. Do your best to explain yourself but don't over-explain it at the same time. I get a sense of anxiety here. You'll learn to speak more concisely and putting your thoughts together will become second nature. Right now it's like you can't find the right words to say and everything kind of bottlenecks and you may feel flustered or overwhelmed, don't put that much pressure on yourself...you're trying to run before you walk, you've got to start with one step at a time and then gradually speed it up so you're in "control". - Speak louder and more confidently You speak in a bit at an monotonous level, and it's also a bit low. So that means some people might have a hard time understanding or hearing what you say. So try to speak a bit louder, and with more confidence, because you speak somewhat "defensively", like if you got in trouble and you're trying to explain why it wasn't your fault...speak clearly and sharply, like if you aren't afraid of who may hear you. At the end of the day, realize that everyone comes off boring, redundant at times....even the very best. The fact that you are are aware of it and trying to improve it is already a lot better than most, because you're working on it, trying to understand yourself and putting in the effort to improve. However it seems this question came from a recent experience, is there a reason other than wanting to improve why you are asking this question? Edited May 6, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas
Emilia Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 To my Loveshack fellows - Changing slowly - YouTube If you have good advises or anything that would help me improve my communication skills and be more interesting let me know. Loved the clip, you are a lovely, handsome guy, very likeable. Your only enemy is your age right now, you are young and people will discount what you are saying for that reason only sometimes. You are very bright, I especially enjoyed your comment on how opinions don't matter because the person you are today will not be the same you will be tomorrow. Practice public speaking and good luck 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 You are a cutie and it's always charming to me when someone is not 100% confident. You are certainly not boring 1
USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 You are a cutie and it's always charming to me when someone is not 100% confident. You are certainly not boring I can't watch the video, but how much of everyone's assessment of his charm is attributed to his looks...? If he were a more homely man, would you still find his demeanor equally as appealing?
tbf Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 You're adorable! Nice dimple, one you should use more often by smiling and relaxing. If you want to improve your public or social speaking, try watching some ted talks with male speakers. What you'll find is that male and female body language is different, when it comes to public speaking. As an example, He's pretty relaxed on stage, although I'd avoid the hand in the pocket. Notice how his shoulders are back and how he's unafraid to take up space. Men lead with their shoulders when they walk, where women lead from their hips. Also, there aren't many wasted or exaggerated movements. Relaxed and confident. As far as how he speaks, he's a bit exhausting for my taste, projecting a bit too much energy. But then, he's speaking to a large audience so more energy is needed to reach out to the back of the theater. As far as your accent, why not emphasize it a bit? It's quite charming. 1
Emilia Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I can't watch the video, but how much of everyone's assessment of his charm is attributed to his looks...? If he were a more homely man, would you still find his demeanor equally as appealing? It's more his age than his looks. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I can't watch the video, but how much of everyone's assessment of his charm is attributed to his looks...? If he were a more homely man, would you still find his demeanor equally as appealing? Well, for me personally confidence doesn't do much, which is the exact opposite to rest of the human race. I don't value it in a sense that just because you are confident, I will think you are a better catch than you actually are (general you ). I even tend to find humble people endearing. So his demeanor would be appealing to me in any case. But it's not true for pretty much everyone else I come across, so OP should work on his confidence if he wants to attract larger % of women.
Author strozzap Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Thank you all for your answers! I will take the time to carefully read each of them. I quickly read them since I had a very busy day today but I'll read them and rely back.
pie2 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Mr. Strozzap - Pleased to meet you! Your signature seems very 'loudly' written, which is a start, right?
mortensorchid Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I admire you for making this video! But if you're looking to change yourself in your presentation / speaking to others, then you have to do just as you are saying to "open up". There is no secret to having an attractive personality, but acting classes and Toastmasters (as suggested by other posters) would help you in creating a new persona. And also, less is more. Quick and to the point of your wants and needs. I work on this as well, rambling is something that happens to me too. In speaking and print.
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