creeped out!

[lovingone]

I'm a 38 year old woman who has always attracted clingy people who seem to instantly start clinging to me as soon as they meet me. ( I can be clingy also, but only with established relationships).

 

Usually these people are men of a romantic nature, but right now I am dealing with the strangest thing ever from a woman who is old enough to be my mother!

 

She is a friend of my great aunt's from her church that helps take care of her as she is elderly. This woman started coming to family functions at my great aunts house, and I have met her only about 5 times.

 

The first time I met her at my aunt's birthday party she kept refering to me by name when she spoke as though she was exclusively talking to me all night.

 

In December I sent my aunt an invitation to a holiday open house party I was having. I expected that maybe her caretaker/ friend might bring her because of her limitations. The woman called my home phone number which was listed on the invitation for directions to my house and left a message on my voice mail. She lives in a different area code and I don't have long distance service on my home phone so I used my cell phone to call her back.

 

I thought it was strange that she kept me on the phone for nearly 20 minutes going over the same directions again and again. She swore she was familiar with some of the stores near my house and the cross streets I lived close too, but then she would keep getting "confused" and would have to repeat everything.

 

Ultimately, she didn't even come to my party. But nearly two months later I get a call from her on my cell phone, out of the blue. At first I had forgotten how she even got my cell phone number. But apparently when I called her back about the party she had added me to her contact list on her phone. Either that or she literally had next to no phone calls on her cell for two months and my call still showed up on her phone.

 

I was shocked and a little frightened honestly. She claimed she wanted information on the church my dad and I attend because she was thinking of switching churches. I haven't been to church regularly in years so I told my dad to call her back and see what she needed.

 

Just a few days ago she called me on my cellphone again claiming that my aunt was in the hospital. Well my great aunt is 99, on any given day she could be in the hospital. My aunt's son never called me or my dad. This woman called me in the middle of my vacation, I was not pleased.

 

I called the woman back and gave her my dad's cell and office number and told her to call him in an emergency not me because I do limited driving due to medication that makes me drowsy and I wouldn't be able to get to my aunts house. My aunts son would never call me in an emergency. At best he would call my dad.

 

I hope she takes the "hint". She totally creeps me out. She is old enough to be my mom, I barely know her, she's not my friend, and she has no business calling me on my cell phone because I never officially "gave" her my number. She doesn't call my house number or my dads number, and she has those numbers too.

 

Otherwise I am going to contact my aunts daughter and just tell her "Who is this friend of your mothers, tell me all about her, because I think she has been stalking me!"

 

What should I do?

[Eve]

I would contact the family member who is associated with this lady and ask some questions.

 

At best you could remind her of someone from her past, at worst she could have a personality disorder and maybe could be trying to attach herself to you for some currently unknown reason. If the latter is true it seems as though it is a positive attachment, not a negative one.

 

I tend to annoy people who have personality disorders. It has taken me a long time to learn how to deal with them.

 

.. Then again, she could just be lonely and looking for someone to care about her?

 

Find out some history. I am intrigued ..

 

Take care,

Eve x

[iris219]

I didn't find the woman in your story creepy. Annoying sure, but a lot of old people are annoying!

 

She's probably just lonely and thought she felt some sort of connection with you. Or maybe your aunt talks about you a lot so she feels like she knows you better than she actually does. Maybe she feels more comfortable talking to you than the aunt's son.

 

I would just quit answering the phone when she calls.

[Taramere]

She's probably just a poor old soul who's a bit isolated. I think I'd probably be pretty irritated by somebody keeping me on the phone for 20 minutes, though I'd try to keep my patience with them, but I don't think I'd perceive it as "scary". If they called enough times to get seriously annoying then I think I would probably be mildly rude to them, feel bad about it and then get over it.

 

If she's becoming a real pest, then dealing with the situation is relatively simple. You just have to be fairly blunt and say "look, I don't mean to be rude but you've called me at inconvenient times on a couple of occasions now and I'd prefer it if you didn't call me on this number. If there's any news to be passed on about my aunt, I'm certain I can rely on my relatives to pass that news onto me.

 

Her feelings will be hurt, of course, but sometimes you just have to hurt people's feelings a bit when they're becoming a pest to you. Maybe the thought of hurting somebody's feelings is very unpleasant to you, and that's understandable, but dealing with those uncomfortable feelings by stigmatising a lonely old woman as "scary" or "creepy" seems a bit unnecessary.

[lovingone]

Thanks for the replies. My problem is that I come off as too nice. That is why I am a freak magnet, and I get tired of it.

 

I did wonder if perhaps the woman had a daughter that died or that she doesn't speak to. I guess she has some kind of family because when she wasn't at Thanksgiving dinner my cousin told me she was with her family.

 

Hopefully telling her that I can't easily get down to my aunts house in an emergency and that I don't answer my cell phone for numbers that I don't recognize will be enough to end this.