Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Ok. Jay and I have been on no contact for 2 weeks right now, we broke up 2 weeks ago. He made the decision after a fight we had. Nothing makes sense at all. After we broke up I was devastated because I did a lot for him. Jay means everything to me. I feel like this shouldn't have happened and I'm still in shock it has happened. Jay and I have been dating for a year and a couple months. We cared about each other deeply. We are both Jewish. It's terrible we're both going through this because after our breakup things haven't been right at all. After we broke up, Jay tried to go into a rebound relationship with someone similarly to me to deal with the pain but he got rejected. She liked a guy already and only wanted to be friends. So many of our friends tried to warn him to look closer into it but Jay just wouldn't listen. He took it well but I know that's not the real feelings. His actions have not made sense since then while mine do. I've been doing a lot better than him. He's tried hard to hide his feelings and mask them while I've let myself feel and understand. Jay is going to diagnosed with Lupus very soon and I was his biggest support. I think the problems of the illness and other issues he was having caused this but I think it was better to work things out like I was trying to do then put us through this major episode. I think he was confused about everything. He was very angry after he broke and blamed me for everything when I know it wasn't my fault. I did everything the way I was supposed even if I made a mistake. He never gets that angry but I think because he made a mistake he is mad at himself. I know he was angry and bad things were said but I remained civil even throughout that. I just hope he realizes his mistake and comes back. It's hard to forget about someone who's done so much and has been by your side through everything and will do anything to make you happy. Those feelings just don't die. Also, someone who shares a deep appreciation of the religion of Judaism. I just want to back together with my Motek (honey in Hebrew). I miss him everyday but I've been strong about the no contact and I just have to focus on me. It's tough with so much other things going on.
USMCHokie Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 What exactly made this complicated...? It seems pretty simple to me...
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Yeah, some parts are simple and some are not. He's very confused right now.
USMCHokie Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 He's very confused right now. Do you feel he's "confused" because he's not thinking and acting the way that you expect him to think and act? Again, I don't see the confusion...
hinatticus Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I'm confused... Where's the confusion? Seems like a normal breakup to me. 1
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 He is, I forgot to put in the part about saying he thinks I don't appreciate him for him when it's true. I've showed him and told him I do many times. He is. His behavior is odd now and I know that's because we broke up. There are a lot of things I didn't put in there, it would be really long if I did.
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 I'm 21. Yes, he is acting very unlike himself lately. He had a lot of stress at the time of the breakup too but he just didn't know how to handle all his problems. A lot hit him at once especially with the illness. He was very negative about it sometimes. It was a big shock for me and our friends. I didn't see this coming, he just ended it abruptly.
hinatticus Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 His behavior is going to get odder and odder when you guys start drifting more apart. You are very emotional right now and nothing is going to make sense, especially anything he does. The best thing anybody in your situation should do is move on. Heal yourself and move on. Make sure to learn something from this relationship so you have better luck next time.
hinatticus Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Btw, you are very young and I know it's going to be hard to understand, but chances are that you will have many lovers until you get married and have kids. Use your 20's as a learning experience, and have fun.
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 I understand but our relationship was very strong. I think he needs to sort things out. He did have a lot of problems hit him at once. Maybe things were getting worse for him and he didn't want me involved in his problems.
USMCHokie Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I understand but our relationship was very strong. I think he needs to sort things out. He did have a lot of problems hit him at once. Maybe things were getting worse for him and he didn't want me involved in his problems. Note the bolded word above. Relationships come and go...some will last longer than others, but you will meet more people and have more relationships. It's just part of life. Stop trying to rationalize everything in your mind and learn that it's ok to let go.
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 I know. I have let him go, it's just really tough. We are 2 weeks of no contact but that's ok. If he wants to come back then he can and if not, I can move on. He has a deadline because I'm not waiting for him because that's what he wants. I'm not doing that. If he can't realize how awful he was then it's not worth my time.
Kristopher1 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Hi there, I'm basically in the same boat as you! I got dumped by my girlfriend a week ago over a silly argument, can't really say who is to blame but we too were extremely close so I know exactly how you feel. I won't be chasing after her again. It's just weird, I hope she realizes what she has done and makes an effort to solve this issue, however I think the best thing we can do is just to get on with our lives, and if it's meant to be, they'll come running back, but of course even after that I guess there's a lot of work to be done. Being dumped by somebody who I've known for so many years, for no good reason, I just feel betrayed. Let's stay strong together and keep up our NC! Day 4 NC almost over for me! I'm quite a bit behind you Edited May 5, 2013 by Kristopher1 1
Author Atalya Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Hi, ours too was over a silly argument. He made the move to break up. I guess it was heat of the moment thing. All I know is that, it shouldn't have happened but it did. Yeah, we are at 2 weeks NC. I wanted to work out the argument and do things that would make our situation better but Jay has a lot of problems and needs to go find himself and do better. I did the best I could and it's up to him if he really wants me back. He already tried to go after someone else and it only ended in rejection. So, he's made the process more difficult for himself but at least I'm doing the process properly. That was his decision not mine. I was very tempted today to end the no contact but I have to be strong.
Kristopher1 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Hi, ours too was over a silly argument. He made the move to break up. I guess it was heat of the moment thing. All I know is that, it shouldn't have happened but it did. Yeah, we are at 2 weeks NC. I wanted to work out the argument and do things that would make our situation better but Jay has a lot of problems and needs to go find himself and do better. I did the best I could and it's up to him if he really wants me back. He already tried to go after someone else and it only ended in rejection. So, he's made the process more difficult for himself but at least I'm doing the process properly. That was his decision not mine. I was very tempted today to end the no contact but I have to be strong. Exactly, it was a "heat of the moment" thing, couldn't believe it. You're a girl right? would you end a relationship in the "heat of the moment" and regret it later?! I'm just curious as I'm just as much devastated as you are! To be honest, if your ex has gone after someone else so soon then I personally wouldn't contact him, nor would I have any interest in him any longer, but that's me! It's good I've found someone who's story is similar to mine! Edited May 6, 2013 by Kristopher1
Author Atalya Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 He was confused. He thought since the girl was similar, he could cope better with the pain. It was foolish thing to do and he got rejected. That is his problem. He really does feel guilty and can't face me at all right now. It was a tough thing that he did. This was a few days after we broke up. He was a mess by that time. I wouldn't end anything in the heat of the moment. I would try to work it out and think about it. He just jumped to conclusions too quickly but that was his choice and I have to respect that even though I think it was wrong. He is about to be diagnosed with Lupus so a lot of things were happening at once and he became very negative. It's a tough thing especially if you're going to have for the rest of your life. He didn't take that very well.
Author Atalya Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 For right now, I'm moving out of the coping stage and he's still in it and that's ok but some of the things he did was outrageous. I'm glad I remained myself and just gave myself the time instead of rushing the process completely like he did. It's getting easier with the NC right now. It's not as difficult.
Author Atalya Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Yes guys. I have an update on the no contact. I decided after 2 weeks and a couple days that I felt strong enough to go out on dates. I was asked out on a date today! It's nothing serious but it was just to have fun. This wasn't to make my ex jealous. I'm mature and don't need to do those kind of games. It looks like my ex caught wind of the fun I was having and got jealous and wanted to get a reaction out of me. He put up a post on Facebook and everything. I will not be responding to him. The NC will be in effect for a couple more weeks. I feel very strong now that I can handle a few more weeks of NC. I finally got over how painful it's been and I'm proud that I have let go and have moved on with my life.
Author Atalya Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 *Update* Hello all, I'm reaching almost a month no contact. Things have been looking up and I'm doing very well. Everything has been going well. Unfortunately for Jay, things have been worse and have been bad. He hasn't been doing well at all and I think he's in for a very harsh reality check in the next coming weeks. I have no feelings towards any of this and I hate to really say it, I don't care. My life has been so blessed with opportunities. I am helping my other friend through her breakup and I'm glad to be able to help others too with their breakups. It makes me feel so good to help people in their worst times and be their shoulder to lean on and I've learned so much about myself through all this. I'm keeping up with my strength and being who I am because I'm a beautiful individual. I'm running with life!
Giha Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Just a question here..How do you know all this stuff about how he's doing if you're NC? NC means you have no way of knowing unless someone makes you listen. The fact you have him on Facebook is bad. That's not NC. You shouldn't be knowing what he's up to if you really want to move on and forget about him. Just some food for thought
Author Atalya Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I'm not on Facebook with him and don't check. My friends let me know but I don't really care about what he does. We don't speak through any form of communication at this point. None at all. I could care less what he does at this point. I'm focusing on my Nursing career and just doing my life. We haven't spoken at all and that's ok with me.
Author Atalya Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Yes guys, I've reached a month and so with NC. I've done really well. Everything is going well with life. I've been writing a lot and going on walks. I've been keeping busy and getting out there. I realized after all this that I came out on top and that life will get better. I thought before in the first week it was so horrible and cruel but now it's better. It doesn't matter what nasty things he said, how mean he was, or how arrogant he was after because he didn't stop who I was really was. I am a very beautiful woman and if my life includes him it does, if it doesn't then someone else will get to cherish me giving 100% to a relationship. <3 1
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