DontBreakEven Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Granted, I woke up about 11 hours ago feeling like my chest was going to explode after having crazy dreams about the ex, and then crying for the next hour, but I digress. I just finished reading Susan Piver's "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart", which details her own journey from the depths of emotional Hell, and how going with your feelings rather than going around them will help you heal quicker. Tonight (exactly 5 weeks from the BU), I guess I am just starting to get a little more clear-headed, a little less rose-colored-glasses, and beginning to see the relationship for what it really was. And the truth is, I did not love the relationship. I wanted to, I was hopeful I would again, but I waited and I waited and nothing ever changed. The other truth is, I hate being alone. I hate it. I was gladly settling for a so-so relationship rather than having no relationship at all. Tonight I realized that for the first time after a breakup, I'm not looking to find anyone else. I am not afraid to get back out there .. I just don't want to right now. I actually WANT to use this time for me. I am actually saving money now that I am not constantly spoiling her, and I am finally thinking maybe a good goal to set would be to buy my own place by the end of the year. I want to make myself more attractive, work on myself, for me. And hopefully love and family and the whole nine yards will eventually fall into place once that happens. In the meantime, I have just decided to write this to give some uplifting thoughts to those out there like me who are spending their Saturday night alone, pinning on Pinterest, watching TV, possibly thinking about what the ex is doing that you are not, etc. Let's all take this time for ourselves. Baby yourself as much as you have to. Cry for hours on the bathroom floor if you need to, sleep the afternoon away if you need to (did both today) .. but those few and far between moments of strength - really relish in them and plan your ideal future out in your head. Make it a goal to become the most attractive person you can be in every way. Make it a goal to become attractive to yourself. And then, let's hope, eventually a good life may follow. 3
Recommended Posts