Have you ever been so shocked when you realize what what somebody is really like.

[Emissary]

You know, I've posted quite a few threads about this one girl, many of which praising her and how happy I was with her. She was my dream girl, there was no topping her, she was beautiful, funny, and had all the same interests as me.

 

The past month was very taxing for me though, I became aware of her depression, and it all went downhill. She just became a very unhappy person, occasionally even lashing at me sometimes. It hurt me very badly, but I persisted, insisting to myself that I could help by being there for her.

 

She was never my girlfriend because we never did anything with each other, all of my attempts to spend time with her fell apart in the end. Something always came up, the first date was notable because we cancelled it due to her grandpa being diagnosed with lung cancer.

 

She eventually started hurting me the past week by being very reclusive, hardly even talking to me. Yesterday I eventually broke down a bit and told her I was worried that whatever we had built together was crumbling apart, to which she suggested we just weren't meant to be, and that she would rather just cut all ties to the world.

 

I decided to leave her alone, but today I found out she had been saying things about me to a girl I work with, someone she knew I despised. This was an big time betrayal of my trust, so I planned to just break up with her during my break, maybe tell her what a horrible person she really is. However, her mom, whom I've actually known a lot longer, cornered me before my break, asking me to have coffee with her to talk.

 

It was there I learned the truth, that this girl wasn't just unbalanced, she was actually insane, and likely to be committed soon. All these horrible things she had told me about her life, none of it happened, she made it all up so people would feel sorry for her.

 

The sad thing is, even knowing it was all a lie, I still have feelings for her, and I do feel sorry for her, because at the very end of our "relationship", I think I saw the real her for one fleeting moment, she was just a "lonely, dramatic, and stupid kid", and she stole my heart

[ChessPieceFace]

Just be glad she's not attached to your life via legal document or offspring, and move on. I've been through heartbreak that felt worse than the death of a parent, trust me you'll get over it eventually.

[Mrlonelyone]

It actually sounds more like bipolar manic - depression. Which is not the same as being "insane". Manic depressives know right from wrong, insane people don't.

 

The thing is one cannot expect consistency from a bipolar manic-depressive. You just have to let them oscillate about and be who they are and accept that....one day they will "love you to death".... then next they will hate you or just be too depressed to care.

[mortensorchid]

I've been there. I have also confused a geniune love for another person with feelings of loneliness, and the world's full of lonely people. Whatever the case my be with this person, intellectually you know that they are not really that great to be with. Loneliness propels us to do things that we know are wrong, then regret them.

[Taramere]

It was there I learned the truth, that this girl wasn't just unbalanced, she was actually insane, and likely to be committed soon. All these horrible things she had told me about her life, none of it happened, she made it all up so people would feel sorry for her.

 

The sad thing is, even knowing it was all a lie, I still have feelings for her, and I do feel sorry for her, because at the very end of our "relationship", I think I saw the real her for one fleeting moment, she was just a "lonely, dramatic, and stupid kid", and she stole my heart

 

What a shocking discovery for you.

 

If she's actually liable to be detained in a psychiatric unit now then I really doubt her behaviour can be dismissed as just a case of "making things up for sympathy". I'm no psychiatric expert, but I have involvement in that area at times in the capacity of representing people (people who disagree that they should be detained). I'm surprised her mother would put it to you in terms of "she makes things up for sympathy". I know I'll be in a different jurisdiction from you, but my understanding is that there's a fair amount of consistency throughout the Western world as far as laws relating to the compulsory treatment of the mentally ill go and the principle of minimum intervention applying; ie you must not detain a mentally ill person against their will - given the infringement on their human rights - unless absolutely necessary.

 

In practice that often means there is an element of psychosis involved. Often hallucinations and/or delusions. The person losing contact with reality to the point where they're a danger to themselves and/or others. In a lot of cases they've become convinced that everybody - medical staff, allied professionals, institutions, friends, family members, other patients - are involved in a conspiracy against them. Though their commentary about others might seem malicious, it's not a case of making it all up for mischief or sympathy. Due to their illness and the extent to which it makes them lose touch with reality, the things they're alleging are absolutely true as far as their concerned. I don't know if anybody here is involved in working with the mentally ill from a medical perspective, but I would have thought if they're out there and reading this thread they would probably concur with what I'm saying that if this girl is likely to be committed (which suggests treatment against the person's will) soon then there's something more than depression or making things up for sympathy involved here.

 

Maybe not. Maybe where you live people get detained on a compulsory basis simply for getting depressed and making things up for sympathy - but I think your best bet is to try to hold off on making any of those judgements right now. If people pass onto you stories that this girl is telling about you, you could react along the lines of "I think X is going through a difficult time at the moment. I don't plan on gossiping or speculating about the details but I can assure you that there is absolutely no truth in that story about me."

 

I can understand that because this is somebody you're involved with in an emotional capacity, it must be horribly difficult. Especially as her mother doesn't seem very clear about the illness her daughter is suffering from. That meeting you had with her mother sounds very confusing - and it might be that due to the confidential nature of medical treatment you will never find out exactly what is going on with this girl. I just think you should bear in mind that if she's liable to be committed then that suggests very serious health problems that result in her having skewed perceptions of the world and of other people that can only be addressed through proper medical treatment (which can be extremely effective in helping people to get a better grasp of reality) rather than "she's a terrible person, making things up for sympathy" judgement.

Edited May 5, 2013 by Taramere

[KathyM]

As a previous poster said, people are not usually committed to a mental hospital unless they are a danger to themselves or others. That doesn't sound like the case with your friend. If she is suffering from delusions, that will need medication to correct, but that is usually administered on an out patient basis. There is also the possibility that she is making these stories up to garner sympathy. I had a client like that. Sometimes it's hard to determine if bizarre stories are actually real, delusional, or made up.